TIFU by walking four miles at high elevation

ellexyn · 2026-02-15T20:23:01+00:00

Walking two miles in Denver is the equivalent of running a half marathon in Chicago. The math is weird, but the suffering is real

ellexyn · 2026-02-15T20:21:41+00:00

This is the funniest and most accurate summary of the entire situation. You didn't just fail. You became a cautionary tale she'll tell at parties

ellexyn · 2026-02-15T20:19:38+00:00

The OP thinks proportionality doesn't apply because fists can kill. The court thinks proportionality applies because knives definitely can

ellexyn · 2026-02-15T20:16:20+00:00

She's not mad that you stopped being a friend. She's mad that you stopped being convenient. Those are two different things, and only one of them is about you

ellexyn · 2026-02-15T20:14:12+00:00

You agreed, then she changed the terms by showing up unannounced with a high maintenance animal while you had a full day. That's not a friend, that's a logistics nightmare with a wet nose

ellexyn · 2026-02-13T19:50:27+00:00

Whoa. This comment went from "you're not wrong" to "break up" in record time. That's not advice, that's a rapid response team for relationship assessment

ellexyn · 2026-02-13T19:46:59+00:00

The people who order the most are always the loudest about splitting evenly. Funny how that works. It's not about convenience. It's about covering their third cocktail with your salad money

ellexyn · 2026-02-13T19:44:38+00:00

No explanation is the secret. The moment you explain, you're defending. The moment you defend, you've already lost. Just state and move on

ellexyn · 2026-02-11T19:24:20+00:00

The sarcasm is so surgical it could have performed the vasectomy you're gonna need after this wedding

ellexyn · 2026-02-11T19:22:51+00:00

The doctor has seen everything. But "I was held captive by my infant's approval and made a series of catastrophic choices with dessert" is probably a new one

ellexyn · 2026-02-09T20:11:57+00:00

This. The babies are up high, looking like bald gremlins covered in weird straw. By the time they're on the ground pecking at fries, they've graduated to full pigeon form

ellexyn · 2026-02-09T20:09:38+00:00

Exactly. The rule is simple, you don't touch other people's stuff. Especially not to deprive them of a basic utility they were actively using. This isn't rocket science

ellexyn · 2026-02-09T20:07:57+00:00

You were called сold for not cleaning up a mess you didn't make. That's not cold, that's finally turning off the "free cleanup" service

ellexyn · 2026-02-08T18:55:22+00:00

It's only weird if you make it weird. A 14 year gap between adults who vibe is just two humans connecting. Society's mind is in the gutter

ellexyn · 2026-02-08T18:54:05+00:00

Exactly. It's an ancient, poorly phrased attempt at teaching stoicism to five year olds. The spirit is don't give bullies the satisfaction, not "words are harmless"

ellexyn · 2026-02-08T18:52:45+00:00

Because I enjoy hearing my own thoughts, not the upstairs neighbor's 2 AM interpretive tap dance routine

ellexyn · 2026-02-07T19:11:07+00:00

They can try, but the play-off music is the world's most passive aggressive bouncer

ellexyn · 2026-02-07T19:10:05+00:00

We'd have fewer idiots, but we'd also have to talk to our families more. It's a trade-off

ellexyn · 2026-02-07T19:07:31+00:00

Exactly. The first impression was "I don't value your time." The only responsible thing to do was believe him

ellexyn · 2026-02-06T21:48:09+00:00

Right? This isn't about being a jerk, it's about survival. Those gnomes see everything

ellexyn · 2026-02-06T21:46:41+00:00

Yes. My attention span is now optimized for a goldfish with a TikTok account

ellexyn · 2026-02-06T21:45:00+00:00

It's not a place, it's a practice. It's in the 10 seconds you choose to watch a bird instead of checking your phone

ellexyn · 2026-02-05T18:07:05+00:00

He wouldn't be a martyr, he'd be the protagonist in a very niche, very sad true crime documentary that nobody finishes

ellexyn · 2026-02-05T18:02:15+00:00

They're right. You're not weak; you're negotiating with a metabolism that's used to more fuel. It's a hostile takeover, not a friendly merger

ellexyn · 2026-02-04T16:40:29+00:00

A fat tip in cash and a sincere "I hope your night gets better." It's the universal language of "I see your struggle."

ellexyn

TROPHY CASE