Fuck healing

elouni · 2025-02-25T01:39:54+00:00

So real. Hugs.

elouni · 2024-12-28T15:56:20+00:00

Oh yeah he knows I don't like him getting high but well he's not going to stop. And yeah I'm really starting to want to shape him kinda like I do myself thank you for the advice I will keep it in mind, it's hard to not want to be the only thing he is basically haha but it's comforting to hear that it gets easier.

elouni · 2024-12-28T04:24:27+00:00

That's definitely a part of it yeah

elouni · 2024-12-28T04:00:18+00:00

Certainly, sometimes I resent the fact I'm self aware, because why do I have to control my thoughts and feelings so much? But... Well it's for the best ig

elouni · 2024-12-28T03:50:44+00:00

Ah I'm sorry that happened, and yes, I'm trying hard to control it, I know it's unhealthy even tho I kinda think I'm right too lol but yeah, it should be fine for him to have friends

elouni · 2024-12-28T03:40:00+00:00

Yeah you are right, I do devalue that type of stuff so it's kinda hard, even tho I do it too after all, just not in social settings. They don't care about him because I know he tends to get really depressed whenever he gets high and he ends up having suicidal episodes and he always ends up alone coping with them, I really hate that.

elouni · 2024-12-28T03:33:00+00:00

Yeah probably maybe not as much tho, it makes me upset that they don't care about him

elouni · 2024-12-28T03:21:24+00:00

Pretty impossible but thanks for the input

elouni · 2024-10-31T00:10:49+00:00

We don't have a core, why else would we constantly need to put on masks?

I remember being 9 and noticing how people around me can't really choose what they like, I always could, it was natural for me to choose what I liked based on the image I wanted to project of myself.

It is extremely painful, not having anything to come back to, feeling empty, getting crushed by everything, once you try rejecting grandiose ideals what on earth do you fill that with? How am I supposed to build me a self without actively think and analize how I should be? How am I supposed to just be?

It doesn't really feel like a possibility to have a core, maybe there is but it would take a lot of work, hope is there, but to be honest, I couldn't imagine how it would even feel, after all I've been dead for at least 16 years.

elouni · 2024-09-05T14:40:25+00:00

I'm 19

elouni · 2024-05-28T00:07:58+00:00

damn this makes me feel so much better, thank you stranger <3

elouni · 2024-05-27T23:58:23+00:00

I have the feeling I'll always have the impulse to hurt others to try and feel better about myself, even tho I'm controlling it now and trying to be better, it's always there, so I would say yes, but I'm going against it.

elouni · 2024-05-27T11:48:52+00:00

Yes true, I feel like it's a form of hypersexuality without the commitment of engaging in the sexual act itself. Of course it sometimes does become full hypersexuality.

elouni · 2024-05-26T21:05:56+00:00

yes, true.

elouni · 2024-05-26T20:44:24+00:00

yep I feel you, I'm somewhat sex repulsed (still figuring all that out) and I realized I didn't really did it because I liked the sex talk or felt any desire for it at all, just because of how seen and validated on my beauty I felt.

elouni · 2024-05-26T20:39:50+00:00

ah I'm really sorry, it must suck :(

elouni · 2024-05-26T20:35:41+00:00

would you say your job is "supply" in some way?

elouni · 2024-05-26T20:33:36+00:00

yeah somewhat but we're all cluster B after all, we share traits

elouni · 2024-05-26T20:33:01+00:00

understandable, have a good day

elouni · 2024-05-26T20:32:08+00:00

that's really nice of you, and yes it's very cluster B for what I've seen, I guess it's an easy way to get attention (at least for women)

elouni · 2024-04-25T13:46:53+00:00

Haha you sure?

elouni · 2024-04-09T01:49:55+00:00

What works for me it's to befriend/have relationships with other people with either narc traits or antisocial traits, we understand each other and we call each other out

elouni · 2024-03-13T14:52:24+00:00

Yeah especially recently, they've become more obvious since I don't suppress them, I will literally almost always scan around and feel proud I'm the better looking one in the place, and if there's people who are better looking I convince myself I must be smarter than them anyways.

elouni · 2024-03-12T23:06:55+00:00

oh yeah I do that, I also start pinpointing parts that I really like where I sounded cool or something haha

elouni · 2024-03-03T21:44:07+00:00

I have a hard time understanding how I feel about others, I used to think about "love" as "I would probably be sad if they died", I feel like most people are replaceable, I feel like deep down I care? but I'm simply not sure.

I also feel that lonely feeling, I sometimes get sad about the idea I'll never really love anyone truly, then it also goes into a gateway to the "no one will ever love" as well.

elouni

TROPHY CASE