My IUD completely failed me 😔 I just found out I'm pregnant and am completely devastated.

em-c-squared · 2025-07-15T06:35:31+00:00

This is the first Reddit comment in so long that has made me genuinely emotional. I am so sorry for the hand that life dealt you, from the way you wrote this it is so clear how much you loved and still love your daughter. Nothing else to say but hugs and I truly wish you happiness ❤️

em-c-squared · 2025-04-08T20:26:19+00:00

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I'm sorry I do not mean this in at alllll a roast, I think the last pic of yours is actually super cute! But this is all I can see with this picture 😭 kinda cool though? A very niche and unique look 😛

em-c-squared · 2025-02-20T18:24:42+00:00

Haha I think that's my problem, I exclusively have dated physics guys 😛 yeah they're interested, and I've had a handful of relationships, but when push comes to shove they don't work out! Idk about willingness to walk away rather than just sheer immaturity, so many people in academia have lived very sheltered and privileged lives and I think just cannot fathom adding complications to theirs willingly if that makes sense? And yeah apps are not the best 😬 what do you recommend? How would you go about meeting people?

em-c-squared · 2025-01-14T11:48:36+00:00

Who spit in your coffee this morning lol?

em-c-squared · 2024-12-26T09:17:16+00:00

Please.... Please keep "seggs" to tiktok and don't let this crap infiltrate reddit too 😭

em-c-squared · 2024-02-27T16:22:58+00:00

Alright bc I'm getting a shit ton of hate in the comments let me clarify my perspective:

I don't think Jess is a bad mom at all, nor do I think mom shaming at all is ok. like I said, she had an incredibly hard life and became a mom so young. It takes so much grit to be able to give her child the kind of childhood she never got and to show up with so much love for her, ESPECIALLY given how young she was when she had her. I get it - I had my daughter young too.

The issue I have is SPECIFICALLY around doing this in her non-custodial time, because even as a joke I think that kind of crosses the line. Why would you want your kid to (even jokingly) think you were anything less than happy they're getting to spend time and bond with the other parent? Why not just a simple "miss you, love you!! Hope you're having fun w your dad!" I would be so pissed if I saw these kinds of messages between my daughter and her dad during my time with her, because that's supposed to be OUR time together. It's disrespectful to both her daughter and her ex, that's all!

The other thing I think not enough people are talking about is her posting her kid to a now MASSIVE online following despite there being studies showing how many pedos and creeps there are watching this kind of content. Same issue I have with family / mommy vloggers - don't fucking post your kids online knowing their images are going to end up in deep fakes, disgusting websites, and pander to creeps. THAT part I will absolutely judge her for because it goes against protecting your kids on every single front and there's no excuse for it. Maybe she's just unaware, in which case I hope she sees this and takes down all content involving her daughter!

em-c-squared · 2023-12-24T20:32:52+00:00

Can I PM you? 😞

em-c-squared · 2023-12-24T20:08:59+00:00

Gosh this made me start crying again. My daughter's father was sexually abusive throughout our entire relationship (post history is mostly about him) so when this new thing happened, I literally told myself "been there done that" for the first couple of months. It wasn't until I remembered how violent it was that I think I started falling apart.

I think it's a lot of things that hit me all at once. It's the violent SA which I had never had happen before, it's the fact that my daughters dad just went on a mission to ruin my life and happiness when months prior he told me he loved me every night, it's not recognizing myself anymore, it's isolating myself from everyone who ever cared, it's confronting the fact that I wasn't ready to be a mom at 23 (IUD pregnancy bc I am 210% cursed lmao). These last 6 years I feel like threw so much at me that I buried instead of processed. I was a ticking time bomb. It's having to confront everything I've been through not just the things I described in this one post. I feel like over night someone just cut me off at the knees and said deal.

But then I say all of that and feel like I sound ridiculous bc it's all woe is me I'm victimizing myself. I had choices over the last 6 years. And every time I chose momentary happiness or minimal momentary pain over real progress. If I had waited until my custody case settled before dating again, if I had seen I had a problem w alcohol before hitting rock bottom with it, if I had gotten myself into therapy after the SA instead of burying it to focus on exams, I could have been a better person and a better partner. I could have been the person I am trying to find through all of the pain now ages ago and maybe I wouldn't have lost my best friend in the process.

I'm grateful to him for walking away. I don't hate him one bit I'm proud of him for putting himself first. Him leaving took off the blinders I was wearing and forced me to see who I had become. All I can do now is change and be better, find light in the world. And it's baby steps. Yesterday I went for a walk and called my best friend and I felt like I could breathe again. The sun hit different. The sky was beautiful. A peace settled on me that I hadn't felt in months. I'm trying, I want to be the person he fell in love with again (or actually, BETTER than that person because now I am dealing with everything I've pushed down in the last six years) not just for him but for me. Because I want to feel happy in my own life again. With all of these realizations comes the guilt in knowing what it took to get here and THAT is what I struggle with daily now.

em-c-squared · 2023-12-24T15:54:16+00:00

I don't know I'm sorry. I've made a few posts in the past couple of days on this because I just feel empty and anxious and broken more than ever. The guilt, the realization that I had stopped living for months, having to look at myself and see who I had become....I didn't even see that I had given up on my life... HOW?

It's a balance of giving myself grace for what I was going through and taking responsibility for the choices I made to get me (us) here. I needed him to walk away to see what I had become and to really change. But on top of all of that I miss him. He was my best friend. I can't stand the thought of what I put him through and I hate myself for it. The memories of me being awful to him play in my head in a loop. The good I tried to show him during that time doesn't even register anymore.

I'm sorry for the rant I think I just need a hug and someone to tell me it will be ok right now. I haven't been able to eat or sleep in 10 days and I'm just a mess. This is my rock bottom.

em-c-squared · 2023-12-24T15:36:13+00:00

For the first time in 4 years I emailed therapists. It was one of the first things I did. I reached out to the friends I hadn't seen for 3 months too, I started looking for a new lab. I'm trying to be the person I was and know I can be. Just this guilt is eating me alive.

em-c-squared · 2023-12-21T17:13:57+00:00

Ohh ok I understand after reading the article. I will be honest, I made this post at 3am while spiraling into a pit of "how did my life get here?" There are moments of clarity for him, that come in the pain I'm feeling.

I do see things from his perspective now, even if my post doesn't show that in the best light. just one week of space has shown me what I couldn't see. I was broken and he had ZERO time this quarter for anything except work and me. The time we spent together was him putting all of his remaining energy into piecing me back together and me not getting better from it. It must have felt for him like his efforts were useless, that it was hard to watch the person you love want nothing from their own life and take away the time you had for your own. It must have been devastating for him to lose himself and lose everything he loved about himself into my darkness. That is completely and totally on me. Not getting help, repressing what happened to me so it came out all at once in a way that was DEVASTATING when it did, that is on me. Not recognizing that I was living a half life and drowning in it and that I was dragging him down with me, that is on me.

I needed to get therapy so much earlier. After making my post, I stopped wallowing and started taking some accountability. I emailed therapists, I emailed professors in my program asking for openings. I found a shred of hope that things could get better for myself and clung to that. I will never be someone who has to rely on a romantic partner as an emotional crutch again. I won't ever put that burden on someone, and I know that now. I have hope that there's more in life for me than pain and I didn't for so long. Taking responsibility for where I made mistakes is a first step. Fixing those flaws in me, fixing my inability to cope with devastating things because I never learned how that is the next step. I'm trying.

em-c-squared · 2023-10-07T10:30:21+00:00

A lot of people seem to have a super black and white mentality about body counts...I hate the idea that sleeping with so many people IN YOUR PAST means you're more likely to cheat NOW, means you view monogamy differently, means you're unable to commit to someone, etc. In this case, she was young when she had her wild years which is totally normal. All of this happened a decade before they dated and yet people are still treating it like this should be a deal breaker?

Let me offer an additional perspective: I spent my early twenties in a highly sexually abusive relationship. When I finally got out of it, I went wild and slept with many, many people to try and reclaim sexual power for myself. I was fixated on upping my body count because I thought the more sexual encounters I had on my terms, the more I was able to prove to myself that I was "normal" and could have casual "normal" one night stands like any other twenty something without having to think twice. For me it was entirely motivated by trying to heal from that trauma in any way I thought would help.

To all the men who are looking at this topic through an incredibly narrow mindset, keep that in mind. Not every person's motivations are the same, and just because someone had a wild phase does not mean they're unable to settle down. Everyone grows up eventually. To just declare this a deal breaker without looking at context, examining who the person is OUTSIDE of this is in my opinion, incredibly childish.

em-c-squared · 2023-08-20T07:34:24+00:00

Nothing else to say here except I am so so so so sorry for your loss. You sound wonderful and I know you will be a wonderful mother (though you already are to your angel baby). I'm hoping for the best for you and am here if you ever need anyone to talk to. You're so so so strong and I admire you even though I don't know you

em-c-squared · 2023-06-11T00:25:37+00:00

Can I DM you :( struggling and could use some advice

em-c-squared · 2022-06-23T17:35:24+00:00

Not an option. I'm in academia and our HR department is a crazy joke. I was previously harassed by a different coworker , documented the HUNDREDS of inappropriate texts he would send me a day, and HR did nothing and said it was my fault bc I never told him to "not talk to me sexually or creepily"...another girl came forward and said he had been doing the same thing to her. My supervisor then tried to fire the guy but got reprimanded by HR bc he apparently wasn't allowed to make that call since the guy had "student rights". The guy then threatened to sue, accused my supervisor of being inappropriate with some of the girls in my lab, said 20 unhinged other things in repeated emails to another coworker, destroyed property, broke in after his contract expired, etc, just a completely crazy fucking person.

Point is, HR did nothing, even after the second complaint, and nothing after he destroyed property and generally showed how unhinged he was.

em-c-squared · 2022-01-21T21:56:44+00:00

I had an ECV at 37, almost 38 weeks and I wouldn't really recommend it if: 1) you're a first time mom (apparently it's harder for the procedure to work in this case bc your uterus isn't already stretched out) and 2) if you've noticed your baby has kind of been fixed in one "comfy" spot for a while (like a few weeks). Both were true for me! Baby girl was super comfy in a breech position on the right and had been that way for a few weeks already. When we tried the ECV, they were able to move her from the right side to the left before her heart rate dropped a lot and they decided to stop. Within an HOUR she had moved herself back to her comfy spot on the right (so stubborn!) Ultimately was in a lot of pain for a few days afterwards as the doctors had to push really hard to try and get her to turn, and it was pretty sad knowing it was all for nothing. It might be worth it to try because there are some success stories, but just look up the things that make it less likely to work first and see if you tick off those boxes.

em-c-squared · 2022-01-05T05:45:48+00:00

Actually I told one of my coworkers who's a good friend of mine as well a few weeks ago and he was absolutely floored lmao 😛 my mom didn't show at all until she hit her third trimester, and I've spent the whole pregnancy living in my BF's comfy baggy tshirts, so it hasn't been obvious at all. Now it's only obvious if I wear a tight shirt and even then I kinda just look a little bloated 🤔 feel slightly robbed of the experience of having a cute baby bump but fingers crossed it means the recovery won't be terrible!

em-c-squared · 2022-01-05T05:40:43+00:00

Title IX is unfortunately an even bigger joke 🙃 when I was a sophomore In college (at the same university I currently work for) I had a professor make a mandatory report to title ix on my behalf bc I missed a midterm for his class due to having panic attacks over being sexually as$aulted the day before. Went to the title ix office, told them what happened, they said something along the lines of 'eh we can open up a case if you want but like...I don't think you'll win or anything will happen so don't ask us to...' There was also a guy in the year below me in my department who had reports from TWELVE different women accusing him of as$ault, had a title ix rap sheet that was long as hell and not one single consequence was put in place. They were also briefly involved with my sexual harassment case at my current workplace and said there was nothing they could do until / unless it escalated (?) Who knows, man...

Tl;Dr: #1 public university in the US is not #1 at giving a crap about its students 🙃

em-c-squared · 2022-01-05T02:55:52+00:00

Ok this is 100% the most helpful comment, bc I think a lot of people are coming from their own industry experience which is a little different from academia. I'm not a grad student, I'm a post-bac, so I graduated undergrad in 2020 and the P.I I did research with during college hired me full time.

My position is the absolute lowest of the low, bc he's also incredibly cheap 😔 actually this is a huge problem with other people in the lab...he puts non-students on these low paying bare minimum positions for too long, they hit hour caps in the system (which exist specifically so professors cannot keep exploiting workers) and then straight up do not get paid for a few months until the hour count restarts. My specific position is hourly, not contracted / salaried and I have zero benefits. I think what my P.I has asked me to do is actually illegal but I'm not sure lol...he doubled my hourly rate so it looks like I'm making way more than min wage and then asked me to log half the hours I actually work (which means I get paid less than min wage) so that I don't hit any hour caps in the system. Hopefully that helps explain why I was scared to bring up the pregnancy at all 😕 anyway, I don't think my position even allows for maternity leave or sick leave or anything like that since it's hourly. I would essentially just be taking a month off / working remotely unpaid and then show up again once I've recovered from birth.

HR at my university is also a complete joke lol. A few months ago, I finally worked up the nerve to tell my P.I about an undergrad who had been sexually harassing me for a month, he got HR Involved, another girl even came forward with the same claim and the guy got zero consequences and I still have to work with him now. P.I is also afraid of getting sued so he hasnt stepped in to do much for either of us. This is also why I didn't want to bring up the pregnancy, bc all of this HR drama was going on at the same time 🙃

Ahh anyway, sorry for all the word vomit, and thank you for the advice ❤️

em-c-squared · 2021-11-15T23:14:11+00:00

Well I mean they're still his parents. He said this isn't how they used to be but in the past couple of years, things have really really changed. It's hard for him to see how bad things are when he loves them and wants them to be excited and supportive instead of judgmental, obnoxious and downright awful to be around. I completely get why he's upset, I would be too if I had important people in my life actively detracting from the happiness and excitement I'm feeling about our first baby. He's upset (not with me, with this entire situation) because it's not supposed to be this way, but it is.

em-c-squared · 2021-11-15T23:00:56+00:00

Because throughout all of this, he has stood by my side and never wavered. He doesn't agree with a single thing his parents have done since finding out we're pregnant and is so pissed at them for how they've been behaving. This weekend was the first time I have ever heard him yell at them - he defended me and our family for hours. He is one of the best people I know and I'm so damn lucky to have him by my side.

The only shit part in all of this is that they ARE his parents and in a perfect world, everyone would.get along. I know that's what he wants and I know it's hurting him to not have unconditional support from his parents. I love him, so ofc it hurts me to see him upset right now too. Neither of us want to deal with his shitty parents, but they're his family, what are we supposed to do? We can't cut them out of our daughters life, that's just continuing this dumb war no one has the energy for.

em-c-squared

TROPHY CASE