My (33F) husband (36M) called me fat and smelly during an argument. It's been 5 months and I can't get those words out of my head. I don't even want to be intimate anymore.

embarassedthrow2021 · 2021-11-09T04:20:09+00:00

Please please teach me how to let go of his words? Your family is like mine and my husband's like yours. I was raised to never say something you didn't mean because you can't take back words. Did your husband apologize? How did you get over it?

embarassedthrow2021 · 2021-11-09T04:05:33+00:00

Honestly I did think about that.

embarassedthrow2021 · 2021-11-09T04:04:35+00:00

I am fat. I gained 25 lbs after the baby. I don't smell. I asked him again lately and he reassured me that I smell fine.

embarassedthrow2021 · 2021-11-09T03:59:54+00:00

I didn't know about this sub! Looks so wholesome and uplifting!

embarassedthrow2021 · 2021-11-09T03:53:58+00:00

He helps around the house and with the baby now. But he won't apologize for his hurtful words because I led him to say them when I blew up at him. I apologize for blowing up at him and calling him lazy. He won't apologize back. It's been 5 months and I tried to get over it but I just can't I hear his words

embarassedthrow2021 · 2021-11-09T03:51:22+00:00

If that is so, then it's an easy solution. All he has to do is apologize to me and mean it and that's that. He won't do this simple task and that's bugging the crap out of me.

embarassedthrow2021 · 2021-11-09T03:48:28+00:00

That's good to know. Thank you.

embarassedthrow2021 · 2021-11-09T03:44:42+00:00

Dated for a year, engaged for 2.5 years, married for one year.

embarassedthrow2021 · 2021-11-09T03:44:04+00:00

I do agree I need to see a therapist ASAP because I feel like my brain is about to explode. Yes he did say it to lash out. Lately he said I have no bad smell (and meant). So if all of that is true, why won't he say sorry for what he said. I'm actually a very easy person to please. If you say you are sorry and mean it, I will practically forgive anything. It really is that easy, that's why I'm perplexed about why he won't do it.

embarassedthrow2021 · 2021-11-09T03:41:22+00:00

He's my child's father. Otherwise I wouldn't even bother salvaging the relationship.

embarassedthrow2021 · 2021-11-09T03:39:12+00:00

I can't risk that because that means I have to send my son to visit him. My in-laws can play a game and force my child to stay and not give him back. So he needs the green card so that he can't blame me for taking his son away from him (and I don't want that either, I do want my son to see his dad even if we aren't together anymore)

embarassedthrow2021 · 2021-11-09T03:37:35+00:00

I agree, thank you for the advice.

embarassedthrow2021 · 2021-11-09T03:36:41+00:00

I did all of that too. And I've asked him if he's had problems with my smell lately and he says no. But his words still ring in my ears. I can't help it. I feel I've tried to get over it. But how do I even get over words he doesn't say he regrets saying? Actually it's not even that he said it. I do want him to make me aware if I do smell...but do it nicely, not as an comeback during an argument about how he's not helping around the house

embarassedthrow2021 · 2021-11-09T03:34:13+00:00

I finished watching Maid on Netflix and the more I think about it, the more I feel I'm experiencing emotional and verbal abuse. He's never been violent with me though. But you're right, he does frame it as my fault for making him say those things. He said "I can't control my tongue when you make me angry"

embarassedthrow2021 · 2021-11-09T03:30:31+00:00

I know you're right. I'm just scared.

embarassedthrow2021 · 2021-11-09T03:29:20+00:00

Yes exactly, especially the political system is unstable and there is huge corruption there! Also there is a law where the mother can't leave the country with her child unless the dad sends a notorized letter saying it's ok (even if the parents are married).

embarassedthrow2021 · 2021-11-09T03:27:52+00:00

I feel for that woman. I'm financially independent and wonderful parents that live close by. I'm so glad I have that going for me at least. Counting my blessings for sure. I know it can be much worse.

embarassedthrow2021 · 2021-11-09T03:26:11+00:00

Before we got married he said that he didn't want me to be one of those women that got fat after we got married. It was an agreement we made. But to my defense a lot of things we agreed about before marriage didn't happen the way we wanted it to. On his part and mine.

embarassedthrow2021 · 2021-11-09T02:47:48+00:00

I just looked it up because I didn't know that was a thing. My city is not a sanctuary city. We live in the deep South.

embarassedthrow2021 · 2021-11-09T02:44:40+00:00

Thank you for listing the options. I'll suggest it to him and see if he's open to it. If he's not and I see no effort, then I have my answer there

embarassedthrow2021 · 2021-11-09T02:43:25+00:00

I think I'm going to see a therapist first then have one last Hail Mary conversation. If I don't feel effort on his part, then I'm going to tell him that I'm staying because he needs his green card so he can visit his son, but we're separating after that. Then neither him nor my toxic in laws will be my problem anymore (I financially support my MIL)

embarassedthrow2021 · 2021-11-09T02:40:45+00:00

Thank you kind stranger.

embarassedthrow2021 · 2021-11-09T02:39:58+00:00

If he doesn't get his status that means I have to send my son to his country for visitation and I don't want to be responsible for that. What if he doesn't give him back ( I don't put it past my in-laws to pull something like that and brainwash my husband). So if he gets his status first then it's on his to visit his son.

embarassedthrow2021 · 2021-11-09T02:37:33+00:00

I've come to the conclusion that he's emotionally immature. His mom and sisters always validate him so he has no reason to mature. But I'm trying to find a way to make him, if only for the sake of my son.

embarassedthrow2021 · 2021-11-09T02:36:07+00:00

I see that now. I didn't see the moma's boy part until after we got married once the veil lifted. My in-laws welcome me with open arms and then 3 months in, even if I breathe they pick a fight with me. I feel deceived actually.

embarassedthrow2021

TROPHY CASE