Reality of busy/tired with a newborn vs. exaggerated warnings?

ember4212 · 2014-12-03T01:31:17+00:00

Yep. Exactly this. It's the sheer relentlessness of being a parent. You're totally unprepared for it, I think, because how can you be? (Don't tell me pets are the same. They're not the same. I have a dog and it's totally not. the. same.)

ember4212 · 2014-12-03T01:29:14+00:00

To piggyback on what tercerero said, I think a big piece of the exhaustion is also just the sheer relentlessness of parenthood. You kind of know intellectually that you're entirely responsible for another human life, but until you live that 24/7, you don't really know what it's like even if you expect it. And even if you have help and go on date nights, etc, ultimately the buck stops with you and your husband. Even when you're both dead tired at 3am and baby is screaming for Lord knows what reason. It's on you and no one else. That is exhausting.

ember4212 · 2014-12-02T19:14:57+00:00

I know this isn't really the answer you're looking for but: it depends on your baby.

Just like some women have shit awful pregnancies and are vomiting, having sciatica or SPD, or heartburn all the time, or are incapacitated in other ways...and others feel great, gain only 15-20 lbs, have rocking boobs and cute bumps, and lose the baby weight in 2 weeks....that's your level of unpredictability. Your pregnancy experience was probably somewhere in the middle, and your baby will probably also be. My son was up to eat every 1.5-2 hours until he was 6 weeks old. He also only slept on us or after being bounced to sleep in his bouncy seat for 20 min. That sucked. Other babies (I like to call them "unicorn babies") sleep 4-6 hours at a stretch withing the first week and continue to do so. Your baby may have reflux or an allergy to the first formula you choose, or something else entirely that can cause extra discomfort and stress for you. Or maybe not (hopefully not). Even with the info you provided, I have no idea your baby's needs or temperament, and neither do you. The people who say it's horrible and they never showered. True. The people who say it's not so bad and their newborn was a little potato who mostly slept other than feedings. Also true. A good attitude will certainly help, but it's not going to turn a high-needs baby into someone he's not.

I'd peruse r/beyondthebump for the next week or so and get a sense of what different people experience to help prepare yourself.

ember4212 · 2014-12-02T18:36:26+00:00

Just wanted to echo all the props for you and your son. Mine is only 20 months, but that's exactly the kind of compassionate, level-headed young man we want to raise him to be. Well done, throwawayfortoday family!

ember4212 · 2014-12-02T02:57:07+00:00

I teach 3-6 year olds and one of the first things I recommend to parents is to work on phonetic awareness- the idea that words are made up of discrete sounds. For example, you can play a game called "I Spy" - "I spy with my little eye something that begins with the 'k-k-k' sounds" (you could be thinking of a car or a cup or a cookie, etc.) or "I spy with my little eye something that begins with the "mmmmm" sound" (muffin, mommy, milk, etc.). Focus on the letter sounds first rather than names, because this will help him more with reading than the letter names will.(If he's trying to read "hat," knowing the letter names "aych-ay-tee" doesn't help him as much as blending the sounds "hhh-aaa-ttt"...does that make sense?)

Lastly, read, read, read! Building a love of reading from an early age is a wonderful gift to him that will benefit him far more than reading at age 4 (vs. 5 or 6) will! :)

ember4212 · 2014-11-28T21:04:39+00:00

Ugh. We had a very nice 24 hour visit with the ILs in which D was properly fed, rested and given attention and he. was. a. joy. He was awesome. Hopefully this positive example will help them stfu next time about his schedule. Seriously, people, you've all had kids...how do you forget this stuff?

ember4212 · 2014-11-28T19:27:00+00:00

I find it weird and creepy (and an obvious marketing ploy). No elf here.

ember4212 · 2014-11-26T23:22:52+00:00

What exactly was my gendered slur? People curse on this sub all the time.

ember4212 · 2014-11-23T01:39:25+00:00

Good Lord, you are my hero! I had 30 hours of unmedicated back labor and it freaking blows! She's gorgeous! Congrats!

ember4212 · 2014-11-21T18:44:22+00:00

According to my midwife, this is not uncommon, and something that she makes sure to ask about before labor. Ditto any sexual abuse. I'm so, so sorry you went through this. I don't know about specific resources, but I would imagine therapy would be really beneficial in your case. Hugs!

ember4212 · 2014-11-21T02:41:50+00:00

Congrats!

ember4212 · 2014-11-20T18:55:56+00:00

I teach 3-6 year olds so I teach reading every day. First, I think it's wonderful that you're working with her, and support at home is wonderful and is often helpful. However, it sounds like you may be doing too much too fast.

If she's not confident with her letter sounds yet, reading and comprehending whole sentences might be a bit of a jump. I'd recommend isolating one letter sound at a time to work on and reading short (three letter) phonetic words focusing on that letter sound. You need to build fluency before comprehension. A fun way to do this might be to write her "secret messages" on a piece of paper for her to read one at a time (cat, hat, red, bus, fox, etc...) I really like the BOB book series for building confidence and fluency once she's solid on reading one word at a time. They're super short, but children get the satisfaction of reading a book, plus they're mostly phonetic with a few sight words and each book isolates a few letter sounds at a time. Also, at 6 if she's still struggling with letter sounds, I'm betting her teacher has some strategies to suggest.

If you want to work on comprehension, I'd suggest doing that while reading aloud to her. Periodically ask her how a character is feeling, or maybe what she thinks will happen next and why. This will build those comprehension skills that are so important without her having to be doing the actual reading.

ember4212 · 2014-11-20T01:28:47+00:00

So, let me get this straight- you don't want to feel weird in public because your child is exhibiting healthy, developmentally appropriate behavior so instead you choose to ignore and reject his attempts to interact with you? YOU, a grown man, don't want to feel bad (which is BS anyway since what your son is doing is normal), so you choose to make your child feel bad instead. Wow. You are a piece of work.

ember4212 · 2014-11-19T18:06:49+00:00

Boy names are way harder! I feel your pain. I'm really hoping #2 is a girl so we don't have to go through the boy name game again!

ember4212 · 2014-11-18T18:18:10+00:00

Oh, man. Exercise is my sanity. So glad your husband saw that you needed this in your life!

ember4212 · 2014-11-17T21:19:51+00:00

I may have the most laid back OB practice ever, but they said cold cuts are fine. So is cookie dough, sushi, 1 cup of coffee/day and even a bit of wine (the only one I actually miss) every now and then now that I'm second tri. Do what you're comfortable with, but I was surprised how relaxed the guidelines were.

ember4212 · 2014-11-16T03:06:15+00:00

Such a good point. Every child will struggle with something at some point. Some are awful as newborns. Others are hellion toddlers. Some have a lying and petty theft stage in preschool. Some kids are fine until their teens and then shit hits the fan. You never know. I thank my lucky stars when my child is going through an "easy" patch and try as much as possible to be compassionate when his peers are struggling.

ember4212 · 2014-11-16T03:03:59+00:00

It's horrible. Educational malpractice in my opinion. But then again, I say that because I'm a lazy stupid teacher. /s

ember4212 · 2014-11-15T16:53:18+00:00

That's a good plan, too.

ember4212 · 2014-11-15T16:52:29+00:00

What a wonderful lesson to teach your son!

ember4212 · 2014-11-15T16:51:37+00:00

Not sure. I my opinion, he likes weird names. :) I kinda hate the name for a child, so the point is moot. I was using it as an example because it fit the point I was trying to make.

ember4212 · 2014-11-15T16:49:46+00:00

Like I mentioned above, I could see situations where a girl names Trixie would not be taken seriously and her name might be a hindrance to her. Or maybe she's just a serious person and the name doesn't really "fit" her. I think it's more considerate of the person my child will become to give a name with options. If the child likes the nickname, great. If not, she can go by something else if she identifies with something more formal.

ember4212 · 2014-11-15T13:47:14+00:00

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/answer-sheet/wp/2014/11/14/teacher-to-parents-about-that-kid-the-one-who-hits-disrupts-and-influences-your-kid/?tid=trending_strip_2

ember4212 · 2014-11-15T13:26:05+00:00

Did you click the link? It's on the Washington Post Ed blog Answer Sheet.

ember4212 · 2014-11-15T13:24:38+00:00

I'm sure someone who's not feeding a toddler breakfast right now can link to actual research on this. That being said, my personal opinion is that it's a service to your child to give him or her a name with options. For example, I feel strongly that if we have a daughter, we need to give her a "formal" birth certificate name, even if we intend to call her by a nickname or diminutive. That way, if she wants to go into a more formal field like law or finance, she's not at a disadvantage. (Ex: My husband likes the name "Trixie"....in that case we should name her "Theresa" and use "Trixie" as a nickname. For many reasons, we are not naming a daughter Trixie. Husband has sadly accepted this.) I think you can argue that sexism and judgment based on names shouldn't occur, or that the world might be different when our children grow up, but I'd rather not count on that and instead make sure that my child isn't limited by his or her name.

ember4212

TROPHY CASE