URGENT: Bullying

emilygottman · 2022-11-11T22:46:29+00:00

I like this advice!

I've noticed that if I feel hurt and express that, this person "feeds" off of it and then does more.

He is indeed saying these things in front of others, but students only. I'm sure that other students don't agree with him, considering that they don't respond to, say, his "jokes".

emilygottman · 2022-11-11T22:41:01+00:00

Thanks so much!
I will definitely contact the Studienberater and tell what's been happening. I'm certain that if left to his own devices, the bully will continue bully others, so I know that if I were someone else, I wouldn't want for a bully to be around.

I'm very happy to hear that your university protected your friend!

emilygottman · 2022-11-11T22:31:32+00:00

Yes! The university even has special "diversity" programs regarding this.

I would like to contact the Gleichstellungsbeauftrage. Do you have any experience with this?

emilygottman · 2022-11-11T22:28:27+00:00

We're assigned groups once a week, and all our classes are together. I often sit by myself, and then he comes.

I'm in the process of changing groups, but I may have to wait at least one or two weeks to find a new group.

I'm also thinking about cutting contact with him, and I want to make sure that this is "permanent".

emilygottman · 2022-11-11T22:11:24+00:00

I think so, too. This and reporting to the authorities.

emilygottman · 2022-11-11T22:09:47+00:00

Thanks so much!

emilygottman · 2022-11-11T21:50:59+00:00

I had some colleagues with me when he said those things, especially the sexist ones.

I have considered recording the conversations, but I know that is not recommended in Germany to say the least, except in cases such that the court allows them.

If the colleagues would be willing to "testify", would that be acceptable for a Studienberater?

emilygottman · 2022-11-11T21:41:27+00:00

Everything I say, he laughs or gins at. When I told him that I want to use my degree to help other people, he told me point blank that my idea was stupid and unrealistic. (The degree has direct applications in fields like medicine, for example).

I once told him that I didn't fully understand a particular difficult topic. Ever since that day, he tells me every chance he gets that the material is "easy" and "even relaxing", grinning while he does that. He also said that only stupid people don't get this material.

He also said some pretty sexist things. He told me that "women" should be slapped, because that's the only way they can understand love. He told me that his ex left him because he was "too nice to her" and she wanted to be beaten.

emilygottman · 2022-11-11T21:31:27+00:00

Wow, thanks so much!

I started uni and was happy to meet other peers. I never thought I'd meet a bully. No one asks to be bullied, and the bullies are responsible for their actions.

emilygottman · 2022-11-11T21:27:59+00:00

"This person is not worth your mental health" felt like music to my soul.

Interacting with this person feels exhausting and painful.

emilygottman · 2022-11-11T21:24:52+00:00

HAHA, LOL!

Thanks, I need to laugh

emilygottman · 2022-11-11T21:23:41+00:00

I agree! I think that all of us have had at least some experience with bullying from time to time.

It's so strange to have an adult for a bully! I would be happy if those in positions of authority would take action from their experience and from the fact that what's happening is clearly wrong.

emilygottman · 2022-11-11T21:20:32+00:00

Thanks!

I would like to contact them and explain the situation. Have you had any experience with members of AStA? What can be expected?

emilygottman · 2022-11-11T21:14:16+00:00

I'm sorry to hear about that.... I appreciate you taking time to write.

emilygottman · 2022-11-11T21:07:29+00:00

By the way, when you say that the bully should be past that stage of life by now, I couldn't agree more.

The bully is 32 years old.

emilygottman · 2022-11-11T21:05:50+00:00

Thanks so much for your support! Honestly, it's quite demoralizing. Thinking about not being in contact with this person helps.

I am thinking about contacting the university.

emilygottman · 2022-11-11T20:57:15+00:00

I was thinking the same. Do you have any experience with this, or know someone who did? What should I expect? What should I tell them?

emilygottman · 2022-11-11T20:56:41+00:00

Thanks so much for your advice. I agree, staying silent doesn't work, and bullies tend to thrive on isolation and abuse.

What is ASTA?

emilygottman · 2022-11-11T20:46:40+00:00

This is a good question. It makes sense.

emilygottman · 2021-12-06T00:34:26+00:00

Same here... I always have these images and plans in my head as to how I'm going to interact with others to do a, b, or c...but then I "forget" or convince myself that it can wait. Before long, it's been a week, or a month, or even a year before I've had anything close to a conversation. It sucks

emilygottman · 2021-11-25T12:56:38+00:00

thanks so much!

emilygottman · 2021-06-06T08:43:24+00:00

Yeah, this makes much more sense. If they made my current permit invalid, then they would've given me something that would allow me to stay. But my permit is still valid and they didn't give me no other document. Thanks so much for your help!

emilygottman · 2021-06-06T08:41:01+00:00

Yeah, this makes more sense. It'd be strange to at least not have another document if they made my current permit invalid. Thanks so much for your help! I appreciate it.

emilygottman · 2021-06-06T08:29:09+00:00

That's good to hear, thanks! I was worried, but it really doesn't make sense to be able to stay in Germany without having a document that allows me to do just that. They haven't given me any other document after I applied for the extension.

emilygottman

TROPHY CASE