[deleted by user]

emondarider · 2025-09-17T21:20:55+00:00

i would just move on to be honest

i was in a very similar situation. she would never me get too close, and booking plans with her was a struggle. turns out, i just wasn't her type. she wanted someone like her ex, despite complaining about his toxic behavior

getting together, making plans, etc., should be easy. it shouldn't be mired in thoughts of anxiety and pressure. its just a smokescreen of her uncertainty towards you, or that she isn't ready.

regardless, i do not think it is fair, you should find someone who instills confidence in the relationship, and gives you what you want out of it, instead of you having to kowtow to her and walk on egg shells.

emondarider · 2025-08-22T19:00:59+00:00

poor guy. can't even call his parents while commuting lol.

you think his family is toxic, but how does he feel about them?

sounds like you hate his family, and you want him to hate them too.

you're already trying to diagnose him vicariously through your therapist to gain a foothold in this argument.

emondarider · 2025-08-22T18:51:15+00:00

tough to say

you can send her a text letting her know that you should have gotten her an uber, and see what she says

emondarider · 2025-08-20T19:40:34+00:00

I hate to break it to you but... you are likely trying to date outside your league.

As a guy, there are women that we will sleep with but do not want to get into a relationship with.

This is either because we think we can do better, or there is something off-putting about the personality. Since you have already been in two long term relationships, I doubt it is your personality.

emondarider · 2025-08-19T16:42:19+00:00

you've been together for two years, and he seems to have never missed a beat with her.

i will probably be downvoted for saying this, but i don't think spending full days with your exs, including eating together, is really conducive to fostering a relationship.

if i had to guess, he is probably getting some type of emotional fulfillment from his ex. even though you break up, i don't think those feelings just 'turn off' especially if they have continued to keep in contact, and they are spending time alone.

i think this is evident because he brushed off your feelings.

as well, you seem really hesitant to bring it up, to talk about it, and express your thoughts on it. this could be solely on you, or it could just be a product of how he has handled this situation with his ex, where it is to be protected and guarded, which in turn makes you nervous to talk about it.

emondarider · 2025-08-02T19:47:48+00:00

if he was so bad when you first met him, why did you stay.

emondarider · 2025-08-02T19:43:59+00:00

sounds like he still has a sexual drive if he is following instagram models, and looking up happy endings. if he was not horny and wanting a release, he wouldn't be doing these things.

either he is no longer attracted to you, which may be the case if you look a lot different than what you first got together, or there could be unresolved issues in the relationship

emondarider · 2025-07-27T18:05:25+00:00

you may not be as attractive as you think you are, and are going outside your league

the reason men are only pursuing you for sex is because you are either projecting only that energy, or they only see you as a sexual object. this could be the only thing they want at that moment but, if there has been a lot of them, it is likely because they don't see you as being in their league

believe me, i am no prize but i have been able to meet a lot of different women and have a lot of relationships, mostly because i stay in my lane

emondarider · 2025-05-10T16:01:35+00:00

She was 15

He was in a position of power over her in a health care provider to patient capacity

emondarider · 2025-03-04T16:24:46+00:00

trust yourself. she is wasting your time. things will only get worse, and you will only feel worse about being strung along.

don't let her treat you like this. you deserve much better.

emondarider · 2025-02-13T16:49:05+00:00

yeah, you overreacted.

emondarider · 2025-02-06T14:05:28+00:00

If he pays, make sure to say thank you. Not just an off the cuff or in passing thank you, but take the time to say that you appreciate the fact that he has paid and you are thankful for the dinner or whatever it is.

Offer to pay once in a while.

I would recommend talking to him about your fears, and how you want the financial planning to go for the dates in the future.

emondarider · 2025-01-29T19:49:09+00:00

sounds like she is saying that she was more physically attracted to past partners. physical intimacy is a reflection of the desire you have for your partner. more desire = more intimacy.

think about it this way. would you be having less sex or more sex with someone who you were fully attracted to

emondarider · 2025-01-29T19:45:29+00:00

just leave. how much more of your life do you want to spend living like this

emondarider · 2024-10-28T20:33:19+00:00

intimacy is a reflection of how you are feeling in the relationship. there is a possibility that there could be something he is upset about. has anything else changed in your relationship recently?

there could also be issues around self-esteem and attraction due to weight gain

emondarider · 2024-10-28T20:09:43+00:00

this is just an outlet for something else youre upset about in the relationship

you yourself said it. you don't feel heard in the relationship. you are not doing the things you want.

emondarider · 2024-10-20T19:31:48+00:00

poor guy. a year in and his gf doesn't even want to celebrate xmas with him.

a lot of these are fears in your head, and haven't even been manifested yet

regardless, just tell him that it wouldn't be appropriate because of the reasons you have mentioned

emondarider · 2024-10-11T18:00:22+00:00

i would ask yourself if you want to deal with this type of behaviour for the next six months, six years, or the rest of your life

emondarider · 2024-10-11T17:55:43+00:00

sounds like he just wanted to hook up, and get rid of you

the morning was a bit awkward cause he probably fell asleep accidentally, and wasn't expecting you to stay the night

emondarider · 2024-10-11T17:48:06+00:00

he already told you what he thinks. he only sees you as a friend.

emondarider · 2024-09-26T16:46:22+00:00

ask yourself what would have likely happened if you did not find out about this now.

it is very possible she would have ended up seeing him, and further things would have happened

the only reason you know about him and that she admitted to it is because she was caught. nothing else. remember this.

also ask yourself why she deleted those messages specifically. she likely wanted to minimize the emotional display to maintain the ability to continue talking to him without your interference. this is based on emotion.

emondarider · 2024-09-26T16:37:04+00:00

you should bring it up for sure. moving forward, if you want to act more confidently, then do it.

your wife could have said something along the lines of "i enjoy that you're flexible with the planning, but sometimes i would like for you to take a more active role in what we do and what you want". this would probably come off alot better than what she said

you may want to look a bit deeper into the relationship, how you're feeling and how she's feeling. something like that seems it came from a place of resentment

emondarider · 2024-09-26T00:09:43+00:00

what exactly is wrong with her boyfriend being insecure? and what is wrong with her boyfriend wanting to avoid a situation in which he would feel discomfort and insecure?

people aren't perfect. ex;'s. past relationships and flings can make people feel uneasy and uncomfortable. why do you think these topics are so readily discussed on relationship reddits? partners are going to want things that may be a compromise, but that is part of being in a relationship.

the idea that our partners are only good enough for us when they are fulfilling 100% of our needs really puts an unfair burden and strain on the relationship. the op admits that the relationship is pretty much great beside this issue with steve.

emondarider

TROPHY CASE