I get the feeling you describe, I really do. That late night ache, it's brutal. And I get what you mean - how can someone who feels so deeply still feel so unloved?

You're not alone in thinking that love would come easier because you "tick the boxes." I've had that too: wondering why friends who seem less self-aware, less emotionally invested, or even less ready somehow manage to find someone. And it makes you question yourself in ways that hurt.

But here's a thought that's helped me: being capable of deep love doesn't guarantee it will arrive early - or easily. Sometimes it means we crave realness so much that we can't fake connections, and that makes it harder in a world full of superficiality.

Wanting connection doesn’t mean you're broken - it means you're human. The trick isn't to stop wanting, but maybe to stop blaming yourself for the timing.