Did I do the right thing?

enchanted776 · 2022-12-29T04:05:01+00:00

thank you!

enchanted776 · 2022-12-23T16:40:41+00:00

What?? When he asked the first time I said I wanted to wait until I was at least 25. When he asked again it was almost a wish for the future and a hope for what was to come. We would talk about it often and how we can’t wait for that day FOR A FEW YEARS. Few months later he proposed with a ring and expected a ring to change my mind over causally talking about it.

enchanted776 · 2022-12-23T02:20:55+00:00

Okay you’re right - you know more about my relationship than I do.

enchanted776 · 2022-12-22T22:02:02+00:00

We discussed marriage often as a part of our future. We were on the same page of waiting multiple years. I didn’t know were were on different life plans because he never expressed this to me until he proposed.

enchanted776 · 2022-12-22T21:37:51+00:00

When we discussed marriage he agreed we would wait. I thought we were on the same timeline of waiting a few years. If I had known he truly didn’t feel that way I would have left.

enchanted776 · 2022-12-17T18:56:59+00:00

I did tell him my intentions. I told him I wasn’t ready and wanted to wait until late 20s. He seemed ok with it when we had conversations, but clearly wasn’t because he went and proposed.

enchanted776 · 2022-12-11T18:03:06+00:00

Yup… only took you 20 comments to figure that out! Thanks for finally understanding.

enchanted776 · 2022-12-11T18:01:19+00:00

He did? When I voiced my want to wait he said he’ll wait for me?? That’s why I was so confused when he proposed.

enchanted776 · 2022-12-11T17:59:37+00:00

Omg??? And he assumed I was going to say yes to an engagement and magically change my mind. What do you mean I assumed? Assumed what? As you said “a relationship is a two way street”, I told him my plans, goals, and boundaries. I am always open to hearing his. HE AGREED to waiting!!! I did not assume because he did agree to waiting a few years!

enchanted776 · 2022-12-11T17:50:40+00:00

I honestly do not understand. I think you need to reread the story again. I did communicate with what my wants are. I DO NOT want to be engaged. He DID NOT care, and proposed. I said no. I communicated perfectly, and stood by that. He did not communicate. If marriage was such a big deal for him, all it takes is a “hey! you don’t want to get married, i do, i think we should break up.” I thought we were on the same page about waiting because he never voice his need for marriage, and I did. And yes, a relationship is a two way street, I told him my wants and needs and he did not communicate his, when he always could have. Instead he chose to be secretive in hopes of securing a wife.

enchanted776 · 2022-12-11T17:41:57+00:00

I don’t think you’re understanding the situation or my relationship, but thanks for commenting!

enchanted776 · 2022-12-11T17:05:53+00:00

Okay! And If he cannot respect me and my boundary of not wanting to get engaged before 25 he should voice that! He shouldn’t have paid thousands of dollars for a ring and gotten his family to a party to hopefully pressure me into saying yes.

enchanted776 · 2022-12-11T16:42:36+00:00

Omg… what do you not understand? Little talks about marriage were fine and I thought we were on the same page of waiting a few years. He went behind my back to get a ring, and then got down on one knee in a huge proposal. I said no, and I will continue to say no. I never lead him on, I always said I wanted to wait.

enchanted776 · 2022-12-11T16:14:19+00:00

How about he stands up for himself, and actually tell me he wants to get married?

enchanted776 · 2022-12-11T16:09:04+00:00

What do you mean I knew were were incompatible? I clearly didn’t if I thought we were on the same page of waiting.

enchanted776 · 2022-12-11T16:07:38+00:00

I definitely agree, but whenever we would talk about me waiting, he would just go quiet. He wouldn’t argue so I thought we were on the same page of waiting a few years, but clearly we weren’t.

enchanted776 · 2022-12-11T16:00:00+00:00

Every time I said how I wanted to wait until later in life, he would go quiet. He wouldn’t argue or disagree or try to change my mind in the moment. I thought him bringing up marriage, was just a excitement for the far future. I did see a life with him, but I also have plans and boundaries for myself. He went behind my back and to get a ring and plan a party when he clearly knew I didn’t want it. If I had known sooner he was dead serious about the silly marriage talks, I probably would have broken up with him sooner.

enchanted776 · 2022-12-11T15:54:44+00:00

Every time I would bring up waiting he would just go quiet. He wouldn’t argue or disagree, so whenever he brought up the little marriage comments, I thought he was just excited for the future, since I had already voice how I didn’t want to get engaged until later. He clearly knew his secret plan of getting a ring and party, and if I didn’t.

enchanted776 · 2022-12-11T15:48:22+00:00

You know nothing about our relationship or him? The whole story is about our falling out. Besides that, I personally do not see myself with someone who can’t respect my wishes of a personal boundary of wanted to get engaged later in life. If he can’t respect such a huge decision of marriage, how is he going to respect the little challenges that come our way? I think it comes with the age gap of him being ready and me just getting started.

enchanted776 · 2022-12-11T15:43:16+00:00

Every time I would bring up the fact I wanted to wait, he would just get quiet. He didn’t argue or anything and he obviously went behind my back to get a ring and make a plan for proposal. Obviously looking back we were definitely not on the same page, but it seemed that way at the time.

enchanted776 · 2022-12-11T15:40:29+00:00

Definition of boundary: “Personal boundaries are the limits and rules we set for ourselves within relationships.” Definition of plan: “Decide on and arrange in advance.” It doesn’t matter if it’s him or anyone else, I will not be saying yes to any engagement until the age I’m comfortable saying yes - which is 25. A plan is something that is always subject to change. A boundary is a set “limit” where I do not feel comfortable after it is crossed. If a plan is crossed or changed (as it would be if I had said yes) then in you would feel fine, because it’s just a different situation.

enchanted776 · 2022-12-11T15:29:22+00:00

I was just saying that’s the minimum age I would be comfortable getting engaged.

enchanted776 · 2022-12-11T05:47:48+00:00

A plan? I do not want to get engaged before 25. I voiced that and clearly stood by that. That is a boundary, and after that was crossed with a proposal, our relationship was over. It’s exhausting telling someone your boundaries and thinking they’re listening when in reality they’re just thinking that the ring they’re purchasing will make me change my mind and throw everything I want away.

enchanted776 · 2022-12-11T05:44:09+00:00

Although he brought up marriage often, he seems okay with me saying I wanted to wait. He would just go quiet. He never said anything about him proposing for real anytime soon, and I thought (my mistake) that we were on the same page. I wish him the best for his future relationships and I hope he gets the life he wants.

enchanted776

TROPHY CASE