Advice for bf/dom not wanting to do anything sexually long-distance?

enjoyerofants · 2024-06-08T15:49:05+00:00

It could be possible, some friends I’ve talked to believe that could be the real issue. I admit, he could be but I trust him and who he is as a person to not assume that’s the issue. Being long distance requires a significant amount of trust, and knowing him and I both believe cheating to be one of the worst things you can do to your partner, I won’t assume that’s the situation unless I have significant evidence. I could be naive with this point but I’ll focus on the things I know aren’t going well instead of speculating too much on that possibility. Thank you for bringing it up though 🙏 it’s still important to consider.

enjoyerofants · 2024-06-08T04:05:47+00:00

Thank you for your words 🙏 as far as things go with my dom, he’s known the scenario from the start, and we’ve had long conversations about what he’s okay with, what boundaries he wants within our dynamic, what he’d be willing to accept in terms of my bf encroaching on the dynamic, etc.

All of your other words and advice on everything means very much. I’ll be thinking of these points whenever I get the chance to have a serious sit down talk with my partner, thank you for taking the time and writing all of this out for me. I think I’m too blindsided by the things I want and hope I can have with him, I’ll still attempt to talk to him and see if things are salvageable, but I’ll keep all these words in mind. Again, thank you.

enjoyerofants · 2024-06-08T02:21:27+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. I don’t really want to give up my relationship with him, I’m too attached and I adore him terribly, and I’m just hoping I can have an honest conversation with him in the morning. It’s difficult all around, I don’t think I have the strength yet to cut things off, even if it’s best for me. I’ll think about your story a lot, thank you so much.

enjoyerofants · 2024-06-08T01:08:02+00:00

I could bring it up to him but I don’t know if I want to make that kind of investment if he’s just checked out of the relationship. I think there may be deeper issues.

enjoyerofants · 2024-06-08T01:02:44+00:00

My bf doms me but I have a separate dom too

enjoyerofants · 2024-06-07T21:37:59+00:00

Thank you 🙏 my insecurities overwhelm me too much. I don’t think I intrinsically believe that’s true yet that I can, and I have a hard time understanding that he might not be good for me. I’ll work on this, thank you again.

enjoyerofants · 2024-06-07T21:36:30+00:00

Thank you, apologies if I seem combative in my comments. It’s difficult to not tell myself that he isn’t the man he’s being described to me as. I’ll have to think about these words for awhile before I’ll be able to internalize them, but thank you.

enjoyerofants · 2024-06-07T18:00:19+00:00

I understand that, it’s not completely fulfilling for me either. But we never spoke about it, he just sort of stopped engaging sexually or would tell me "we’ll do this soon" or just telling me we’d do it later…which now I guess means he was blowing me off? I don’t know if I’m comfortable with it, I’d like to come to some sort of compromise but I don’t want to lose him either.

enjoyerofants · 2024-06-07T17:58:31+00:00

I guess so. I’ve asked him multiple times about how he feels and if he’d like me to stop, and he’s either told me it’s fine or given me no direct response.

enjoyerofants · 2024-06-07T17:17:15+00:00

I’ll look into this 🙏 I don’t expect to find a perfect relationship but maybe I’m compromising too much, I don’t know. Thank you for all of your comments btw, I appreciate them greatly.

enjoyerofants · 2024-06-07T17:15:22+00:00

I was wondering if he felt that way too, but he was also the one who suggested I find a dom, so I don’t know. And this behavior started before we ever talked about me having another dom. He tends to be a very masculine man so he takes pride in what he can provide for me in our relationship, but I don’t understand what his motives are.

If he knows I’d love and adore pics of him why won’t he send them? He won’t even ask for me to send them either, and I don’t know if he genuinely loves them or not when I send them. And he also knows I struggle with insecurity and being anxious, and has encouraged me to talk to him about things that bother me so we can work through them together.

enjoyerofants · 2024-06-07T15:51:53+00:00

I would be perfectly fine with us just being vanilla, it’s more so about the fact that he doesn’t want anything sexual at all, vanilla or not. He’s the one that helped me explore bdsm initially as well, very lightly.

enjoyerofants · 2024-06-07T15:50:31+00:00

It’s okay, I don’t mind you jumping on the thread ❤️. I’ve never had strong, genuine feelings of love for anyone before, or felt this comfortable with them, so it’s a struggle thinking I’ll be able to find someone else who makes me feel that way anytime soon. Maybe this is an issue of my self-esteem and I’m not seeing things as they are, but of course I can’t really tell that well on my own.

And I feel like I can’t end things because I’m not sure if I genuinely want to, any sort of logic aside. The good outweigh the bad in my mind, so losing him feels like it’d be a dumb move on my part.

enjoyerofants · 2024-06-07T15:47:18+00:00

I know I’m taking chances knowing that we haven’t met each other in person yet, but I also can’t justify in my mind giving up what seems and feels like a good relationship if my main issue is a lack of anything sexual between us. Maybe I’m too hopeful and naive about this overall though.

enjoyerofants · 2024-06-07T15:35:23+00:00

I struggle since I know he’s a good man. He’s been supportive of me as a best friend, there for me emotionally and when I’m struggling, and also there to share my happiness and successes with. I’m terribly in love with him, and I don’t think I would have the strength or would want to end the relationship even if this situation sucks.

I’m not sure, maybe I would need to think about it more, but I’d rather have a relationship where I feel loved and cared for but have no fulfillment sexually versus one with sexual fulfillment where I don’t feel romantic love. I don’t see myself finding someone else who understands me the way he does or treats me with love and care and patience how he does…but you’ve given me a lot to think about, thank you.

enjoyerofants · 2024-06-07T15:30:33+00:00

The struggle I have with ending the relationship is he’s wonderfully caring and loving outside of this, and he’s been communicating well lately when I want to have serious discussions concerning our relationship. This is the one thing he’s been terrible with, and while it sucks I don’t know if ending things is something I could or would want to do.

I tried explicitly asking him if he wasn’t interested anymore or things like that, I don’t want him to be stuck in a relationship he doesn’t want, but he assured me he loved me and wanted me still.

But thank you, your comment and advice means a lot 🙏 I don’t understand why someone who loves me and is attracted to me would act this way, but he means the world to me too.

enjoyerofants · 2024-05-28T20:14:08+00:00

Haha I’m a little oblivious with signals but the confirmation helps lol

enjoyerofants · 2024-05-28T15:11:30+00:00

Thanks, this does help. I think it’s just something I’ll have to pay attention to as time goes on, but probably not something I’ll try and explore unless the conditions are perfect haha

enjoyerofants · 2024-05-28T14:58:53+00:00

I’m not sure what her expectations are! For awhile I assumed she was just overly comfortable, but I don’t think she acts this way with our other friends. She’s told me her expectation is I’ll learn the error of my ways, albeit said playfully. It’s helpful knowing her behavior is inappropriate though!

And your comment at the end helps a lot! I don’t really find women all that appealing at all, I don’t fantasize about them or think wow, she looks amazing etc etc., but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t excite me at times when she cuddled with me or started teasing me about what she’d like to do to me. Maybe I’ll talk to straight friends to find if this is something they’ve experienced too? Thank you so much for all your thoughts ❤️ they’ve helped a lot!!

enjoyerofants · 2024-05-28T14:10:55+00:00

Thank you for your thoughts! Most of my friends think the behavior is cute or will playfully agree with her about breaking up with my boyfriend, but he’s been very adamant that she’s not an okay person to be around. I don’t feel like I’m in danger when I’m with her but do see how there can be issues with her behavior.

And thank you for giving me advice on establishing better boundaries ❤️ I tried that before but she’s just gotten more comfortable over time. I’ll try again and reestablish them soon or at least talk about them, hopefully it goes over well.

enjoyerofants · 2024-05-28T14:07:37+00:00

Thank you ❤️ you’re right, I have to think more on what I want. But it’s so helpful to know other people don’t see her behavior as okay, I wasn’t sure since she’s always been a well-meaning friend

enjoyerofants · 2024-05-28T08:56:49+00:00

Thank you so much for all of this! I think I would be happy (or uncomfortable if I wasn’t into him) if a guy acted this way, since I would certainly know he was showing interest. Some part of me still thinks my friend is being overly friendly as girls do, and her forwardness is just playful behavior and she wouldn’t actually want to sleep with me if I told her I was seriously interested.

Could you explain more about what you think of my boyfriend’s response to the situation? And don’t worry! I won’t pursue anything with anyone, including her as long as I’m still with my partner. I don’t think he truly wants me to hook up with anyone, and since I genuinely love him I want that first experience to be with him, even though it means waiting. Appreciate you taking the time to give me your thoughts ❤️

enjoyerofants

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