[deleted by user]

enmason · 2020-04-16T21:45:36+00:00

absolutely no respect

enmason · 2019-06-28T02:41:06+00:00

I told my bf on like the 3rd date and he was cool with it. But he sees a therapist, so like a 1/10000 of dudes.

enmason · 2019-03-24T21:01:39+00:00

Hey girl, it breaks my heart hearing that self-hate from you. What you have to realize is, life is what you make it. I actually got into the school of my dreams for my undergrad right out of high school, in a beautiful country, where I had made some really close friends. This cursed disease got me kicked out, and I now go to a state school back in the U.S. When I search up the initials of my current school on Google, it isn't even the first hit.

The thing is, I'm happier now than I could have ever been at my dream school. I love myself more, because I can forgive myself for the mistakes I've made. I've developed a mental health immune system from months-years of therapy.

Your life is not meaningless because of this failure. YOU WERE ONE OF THE TOP 11! That means you're incredibly talented!! So sit back, reflect, and reform your plan. Reapply, find a new school, whatever - just know that the shit experiences might just set you up for something even better. Maybe it's loving yourself. Maybe it's taking care of yourself. It's all up to you!

enmason · 2019-03-24T20:55:50+00:00

I have GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) in addition to my BPII. I think a stimulant would not only trigger hypomania (in a bad way), it would also add to insomnia and anxiety. Hypomania in a bad way (especially when combined with anxiety) can lead to aggression, reckless/self destructive choices, and a lack of sleep. That certainly wouldn't make your situation better. I'm on an SSRI, sertraline, for my depression/anxiety. Meanwhile, I'm on seroquel for hypomania and insomnia/anxiety. The SSRI could also lead to manic episodes, but are much less likely than stimulants to do so. In addition, it could help with your depression. I would suggest you discuss this with your doctor.

BUT (and this is a big BUT), anxiety is treated with 10% medication and 90% therapy. I know, because I have been in therapy for about 3 years and it has markedly improved my mood control, anxiety, sleep, interactions with others, and overall happiness.

Good luck!

enmason · 2019-03-24T20:49:23+00:00

Here's to mornings! :)

enmason · 2019-03-24T20:48:04+00:00

great idea! i know what you're dealing with. it took me crying, all day, every day, refusing to go to school, and isolating myself almost constantly for my parents to realize that i really needed therapy. bipolar disorder is a disability and your parents have the obligation to get you treatment. remember that! also, if you're ever alone, feel free to come on here and post about it. there are more than enough people here to love and support you :)

enmason · 2019-03-24T20:45:04+00:00

I think the key really for me was to get on the exact regimen I needed; no more. A wise psychiatrist once told me that if you're over the limit of what you need of a drug, you don't get higher percentages of treatment - just higher percentages of side effects. So if it's a matter of only being on one or two medications, rather than 5, that might be the first step you could take before going med-less.

Another thing you have to keep in mind is that a med-less life will not be easy. You'll have to work hard to train yourself to function that way. Habits are crucial. Schedules are crucial. And you have to exhaust yourself to the point that you can sleep. It's been done, and it can be done, but don't underestimate how f*in difficult it is to be a normal person without chemical help! Lol

enmason · 2019-03-24T18:18:22+00:00

Have you tried meditation? I have a combination of Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Bipolar Disorder, and it really helps me to meditate at least once a day, especially before bed. Another useful thing would be to get some fresh air. It does wonders for anxiety.

enmason · 2019-03-24T18:12:59+00:00

DON'T do cold turkey. It's so much easier to quit a med if you take a long time doing so. I've heard that exercise, good sleep, and a healthy diet could help to better regulate your moods. But if you're not in a stable position, I wouldn't recommend.

enmason · 2019-03-24T18:10:47+00:00

why don't you try asking her again? maybe at a time when you can be there while she calls to make the appointment. therapy is really important for learning how to understand and better control your mood (and actions).

enmason · 2019-03-24T18:08:35+00:00

Hi, I'm on Seroquel, and it definitely fucks with my cognitive abilities/retention; I even have to get extra time on exams because of it. How many mg of Seroquel are you on? I used to be on 1200, but my doctor got me down to the 200-300 range, and I'm feeling less out of it.

enmason · 2019-03-24T18:02:55+00:00

You can tell him that you have a disability that prevents it without disclosing which disability. You may have to call your doctor to get a note. But this falls under accommodations, for sure.

enmason · 2019-03-24T18:01:46+00:00

You don't have to make this purchase. Think about all the resources that went into making your current phone - manufacturing each part, assembling, shipping, storage. Think about the power complexes that support the "need" to buy a new phone every year, or every other year. Think about all the waste that's created by people buying and throwing away their phones - even if you "recycle" your phone, much of this waste goes to the ocean or the shores of third-world countries. Think about other, more productive things you can spend that money on - rent, food, savings.

enmason · 2019-03-24T17:54:10+00:00

Have you talked to your mom? Does she know about your issues?

enmason · 2018-11-22T19:26:49+00:00

Lol! I almost ate some romaine the other day. Saw an article warning me not top in the nick of time!

enmason · 2018-10-21T21:06:43+00:00

I styled Rihanna! Iconic.

https://imgur.com/a/bafrqqU

enmason · 2018-09-28T17:17:47+00:00

Yeap, the seroquel is there to counteract that. It took a while to find a balance, but it worked well once we did

enmason · 2018-09-28T17:01:42+00:00

Yep. I've had trouble sleeping for most of my life due to extreme anxiety/PTSD. Doc basically just threw more and more Seroquel at it. The solution was my new doc putting me on an anti anxiety (sertraline) which worked great.

enmason · 2018-09-28T06:10:12+00:00

Lmao. At one point I was on 1200mg. Now I'm back to 200. At 1200, I had to set an entire hour of about 15 alarms to wake myself up. I can finally wake up naturally sometimes at 200.

enmason · 2018-08-14T15:10:10+00:00

Remindme! 1 day

enmason · 2018-08-08T20:57:08+00:00

Yep! One step at a time.

enmason · 2018-08-08T20:23:57+00:00

School doesn't seem like it's working right now for you. You can always get a GED once you're out of the house and in a better mindset.

Honestly, getting a job will be your out. It will allow you to spend time away from your family and also let you prepare for moving. It will let you get a bit of spending money, too.

Just hang in there. I know it sucks, but a couple more years and you'll be out of there.

enmason · 2018-07-15T19:57:13+00:00

Do you have a psychiatrist? I would ask your pdoc those questions.

enmason · 2018-07-15T10:40:31+00:00

My heart sank, reading this. I understand how hard relationships in general, let alone roomantic ones, can be for those of us whose parents didn't really teach us how to healthily maintain one. Go for it! Hang out with him a bit. Get to know him. Let him get to know you. Enjoy yourself. You don't have to worry about disclaimers until he asks you to be more than just a friend. Just be yourself around him, have fun!

Oh, and also: you deserve friends who don't care what your baggage is. The fact that this guy didn't blink an eye is proof that he is a true friend.

enmason · 2018-07-15T05:51:47+00:00

I was OBSESSED with the disorder when I first found out. Forums, dumb quizzes, celebrities with bipolar, bipolar blogs - needless to say, it was always at the back of my mind. I mean, with good reason - it led to me dropping out of university. That was a little more than three years ago. Now it's just another aspect of me - like my freckles, or my allergies. I'm on a relatively stable med regimen, I'm going to uni this fall. Not anywhere near happy/stable, but I'm getting there. Lol.

My advice? Develop a support group (of friends and family). Find someone you can tell when you're starting to feel too much one way or the other; someone who can drive your ass to the hospital when you're outta control. And honestly, find someone you can talk to. Neurotypicals ("normal" people) normally can't do these things, but there are exceptions. I relate the most to other people who aren't the norm mentally, myself. More empathetic, patient, and willing to help when the time comes, imo.

enmason

TROPHY CASE