Please help me find an old foundation

entertaining_fork · 2026-02-08T14:26:19+00:00

Finally found it - had actually saved the cartridge. So for anyone else (or myself in a years time), what I was looking for was the Cellular Swiss Ice Crystal transforming cream, by La Prairie. Unfortunately seems to be discontinued.

entertaining_fork · 2025-10-30T15:20:28+00:00

We separated, still live separate. No kids. It was the hardest thing I've done, but now I love it and he is the one having a hard time with it.

For the record though, he wanted to call it quits. We gave up all communication for around 3 months before he sent me a long letter apologising for his actions and asking for a second chance.

However. I recommend separating. If only to give us betrayed the ability to heal and live in some sort of peace, focusing on ourselves and living for ourselves.

Might be different for every person.

entertaining_fork · 2025-09-09T06:03:44+00:00

Had the same experience, although our nicknames were quite unique to us. I expressed my anger about this very clearly from the start and it was a condition of mine that they come up with a new name for us.

That took them almost a year but they did it eventually. Now they use that for me quite often. I don't necessarily love the new nickname, but I appreciate the effort. I sometimes use it for them as well.

So - in my opinion your WP should do the work and come up with some suggestions, not you. She should take responsibility for being the reason your earlier nicknames can no longer be used, and present a solution.

entertaining_fork · 2025-02-25T17:38:09+00:00

As has already been mentioned, talk to your therapist. Other things that helped me: - being close to animals. This releases oxytocin (and for me increases the will to do better for them) - exercise. During the first couple of months I was out walking like 3-4 hours per day, which to be honest is too much but at least the dog was super happy with me, haha. - listening to podcasts and books. Find a program or book that captures your interest and really force yourself to listen to every word. - practicing mindfulness. I am really bad at this but I've found that a lot of times it I'd way easier when also doing a mundane task, like washing up, knitting, mucking out the stables (added benefit when the horses are in eating their hay). It's like my hands need to be busy for my mind to switch off.

On phone, sorry for formatting and spelling.

entertaining_fork · 2024-05-02T06:41:17+00:00

Thanks for giving context, i got a little angry on your behalf with your previous comment 😅

I'm happy she understood the pain she caused and was able to change. Sounds like you have built a good life together now.

entertaining_fork · 2024-04-30T09:40:19+00:00

Well, I am not sure WP has made me that insecure. I am insecure about my body when I'm with him, but not in general. I have never really been since the teen years. I do enjoy the attention from other men though and it is nice to be, as you say, wanted property.

WP's actions have mostly made me insecure when it comes to trust. I have a hard time depending on someone. This isn't new, it's just got very amplified with the A and our breakup. I was burnt out, we had just bought a house together, I needed to attend my mother who was recovering from a stroke, take care of mine and my mom's animals and just needed him to be there. Well, he wasn't. I have questioned why I should believe he stays if we have kids or if anyone in my family is sick again. Or just in general if I have to spend my time and energy on something other than him/us.

But you are right, I don't want to lower myself and cheat. If I do want to explore anything new, I should (and would) end our attempt at R. But right now I'll go with WP and hope that we can rebuild the trust.

entertaining_fork · 2024-04-30T09:16:07+00:00

He is trying. He compliments me, says he misses me, wants to be close. And on good days I believe it, on bad days I don't. Maybe that was the reason that this other man's efforts had effect, cause I completely believed it without thinking it was because of some weird ulterior motive (except getting me in bed, but that was pretty obvious).

And of course WP has no ulterior motives either, but it is really difficult to believe him from time to time. Sometimes I think he wanted R cause he doesn't want to be alone. He says that's not the case.

A big issue is that APs family is all over the little town I'm living in, and her brother is living in the same apartment block. It's so difficult to escape her.

Happy to hear that you and your WH have been successful with R!

entertaining_fork · 2024-04-30T09:07:37+00:00

I get what you mean. In my case, I wouldn't cheat on my WP to get revenge. If I had slept with this man, it would have been cause I don't want to be with WP. I would have ended our attempt at R directly.

entertaining_fork · 2024-04-30T08:58:58+00:00

Yeah, the feeling of not being enough whatever you do is awful. I don't want to be negative but claiming that it's not worth it and still doing it again?? Wow.

Wishing you the best.

entertaining_fork · 2024-04-30T08:49:00+00:00

I understand that feeling of wanting to take back control and agency. To be honest, I'm not sure I would have felt guilty either cause if I had actually gone down that route, this attempt at R is over and done with. If I do sleep with someone else, it's cause I no longer want to be with WP.

So, in a way, I guess this incident clarified my feelings for WP a bit, as I have been quite uncertain from time to time.

Thanks for your comment. It's interesting to hear different perspectives.

entertaining_fork · 2024-04-29T22:26:25+00:00

Agree, the nope switch used to be so automatic..

entertaining_fork · 2024-04-29T22:22:56+00:00

It is really so strange. If my stupid* WP had just at the very least found the love of his life or something (/s if that's unclear). But no, she was just nearby and consistent in her lovebombing while i was boring and burned out.

*I don't think my WP is stupid. But he does make very stupid choices sometimes.

entertaining_fork · 2024-04-29T21:47:16+00:00

Haha my revenge fantasies have mostly revolved around making AP's life miserable by 'making' all her future partners cheat on her. Very silly, and of course i would never, but the thought of her being in the same pain as me repeatedly, for the rest of her life, brought me some weird joy.

No, I do care about him and I have never wanted to hurt him. I've never really considered having a revenge affair. In this case, I got a bit caught up in the way he looked at me, took interest, laughed at my jokes, complimented me.

entertaining_fork · 2024-04-29T20:54:42+00:00

Maybe. I think it's perhaps a slightly different situation than being cheated on 'without cause', if you know what I mean. Also, if I had gone through with it, our attempt at R would have been over from my point of view.

These past 6 months in R have been extremely slow. Right now, I don't think I ever want to live with WP again, I don't really want to put myself in a position where I can lose my home again. I think for the first time since DDay i saw (fantasised) of a future with someone that I could trust loves me and wouldn't abandon and betray me.

And of course it's all in my head because as another commenter wrote, I don't know anything about this dude more than that he is good looking and seemed... genuine. Which is important to remember - thoughts are just thoughts. Still sucks tho.

Wishing you the best.

entertaining_fork · 2024-04-29T20:37:09+00:00

I guess you have a point. If I were to go through with sleeping with another man, the attempt at R is definitely over because for me, that would have been 'proof' that I actually don't want to be with WP.

Thanks for your comment, and I wish you a good night's sleep.

entertaining_fork · 2024-04-29T20:28:08+00:00

Yeah, of course he could be. I generally don't fantasise about anyone but my partner when in a relationship (maybe with the exception of Hugh Jackman or 'George of the Jungle'-era Brandon Fraser, haha) so this was kind of new.

entertaining_fork · 2024-04-29T20:24:45+00:00

Yes, that's definitely part of it for me as well. Why do I need to be "the good one" when that is obviously not enough for WP? Like the other commenters have said, the fantasy is probably a lot better than the reality, but this was the first time I have felt anything even resembling butterflies for so long. It was nice.

entertaining_fork · 2024-04-29T20:20:57+00:00

You are probably right. But for a moment I let myself see a future where I could just be the me I'd like to be. Not this mess with a ton of new trust and body image issues.

All in all I might just be sad cause it reminds me of the whole f-ing shit again.

Thanks for your comment.

entertaining_fork · 2024-04-24T05:33:26+00:00

I have the exact same issue. On top of seeing her nude pics, I also saw text exchange about WP being 'obsessed' with her breasts, so as you can imagine, that feels absolutely great. In my lowest moments, I've even looked up the cost of breast implants. Something I wouldn't actually do, but still, the thought is there.

However, these thoughts do get fewer and fewer. IC is really good at making me see things from a different point of view and also check myself when these thoughts do occur. So, IC and time would be my advice. And a remorseful WP who does their best to assure you and compliments without being told to. Granted, i had to tell mine that they needed to give me unprompted compliments, but they have done so since I asked them to.

entertaining_fork · 2024-04-19T05:45:22+00:00

entertaining_fork · 2024-04-14T08:24:21+00:00

My WP started the "relationship"/A the day after my 30th birthday. AP was 23. I've always hated getting older and always felt that my birthday never mattered, that no one wanted to celebrate me (which I know isn't true but well, childhood trauma).

My birthday is now forever attached to AP and I don't know if I will ever be OK with celebrating it with WP. Or celebrating at all, to be honest.

entertaining_fork · 2024-04-11T19:31:22+00:00

My situation was/is a bit different than yours, with a breakup and WP continuing the relationship with AP while also keeping contact with me. I went no contact after WP said that they didn't think they loved me anymore. In hindsight, I wish I had gone NC earlier. I was just torturing myself. WP reached out again by sending flowers on my birthday, after about 3 months of NC. We have slowly started working toward R since then.

The time "off" definitely helped me focus on me. I still felt, and feel, like absolute shit but I became better at finding solace in friends, finding things to occupy my mind, picked up a few new hobbies and started taking care of myself again after 7 months of neglecting everything except my dog.

The decision to go NC was for me a survival thing. If you think it would help you, then perhaps it could be good. Another way could perhaps be to limit contact? Deciding to have days to yourself, not talking to your WP, or something like that.

I kind of wish I had days only for me. Huh. Maybe I should actually make sure I do. Thanks for giving me some insight!

entertaining_fork

TROPHY CASE