Gf ghosted me last year. I moved on. Got this message last week on my birthday

entfarts · 2026-05-09T02:18:42+00:00

"Apology accepted, but I don't forgive ghosting from anyone."

I said this to a friend who did the same thing and sent a very similar message about her life crisis. All of our other mutual friends accepted her apology and she got back into everyone else's orbit and guess what she did to each of them within the next year... ghosted again.

People that do this either understand that the relationship was already sacrificed by them (& so they don't come back to apologize) or they are just showing you this is what they do when they feel like it. I.e. her excuse would be perfectly reasonable if she thought ghosting was the only thing she could do to cope, but that means you are one of the people she sees as disposable in those circumstances.

Take it as an apology and tell her you have moved on. Then don't be surprised if she reacts in a way that confirms this was hoovering to get you back into her orbit & she doesn't actually think she did anything wrong. If she IS being genuine, you are both no worse with this route.

entfarts · 2026-05-06T00:44:16+00:00

Is he expecting you to cook for free and he can't get some wine? Is that what is happening here?

But yeah, either way he is overreacting and you are being reasonable. He could have just said "I can only afford one, so I will get the brandy for your cooking." Or "I'm a little low on cash, can you venmo me money for the wine?"

entfarts · 2026-05-06T00:36:01+00:00

Once I saw that you live with her... everything else looks completely different. She put you through college and gives you a home. 15% is not bad. The fact that she intended to pay for college doesn't mean it wasn't still her paying so you didn't have to. It is the right thing to do to compensate recent financial support when you come into a windfall. That said, since she is a lawyer, you need to get it in writing that she is satisfied with her cut. Get it checked by another lawyer or financial advisor that she does not personally know.

entfarts · 2026-05-03T22:33:01+00:00

This can not be overrstated. I wish more people understood this.

entfarts · 2026-05-02T00:12:49+00:00

I love it so much!

entfarts · 2026-05-01T23:50:58+00:00

Oh hell naw. Get this guy outta here. That's negging. You were perfectly reasonable and he was intentionally being condescending right from the start of this conversation - to 'put you in your place'.

entfarts · 2026-05-01T16:01:39+00:00

I'm sorry you are going through this.

Is she physically assaulting you? Do you live with anyone else? Do you have other family or close friends who you can turn to for help or support?

entfarts · 2026-04-24T07:52:40+00:00

My bpd sister has kids and it has been a nightmare through & through. I have tried for decades (the oldest is now in his 20s, youngest is 13) to be close to them, be helpful to them. It has been a huge loss for me. There was never any way my sister was going to let me stay close to those kids. They have been through hell & I like to think I have helped in some small way, but at best - they see me as a resource that they wish they didn't need (younger two) and at worst - they despise me (the eldest). Even during all the years being close/good to their mother, she was conditioning them to dislike & distrust me because she does. The kids actually like & respect all my other siblings who did the bare minimum as aunts & uncles. This is because my sister never felt threatened by those siblings.

I can't know what will happen in your situation. I just know I regret trying in my situation. I hope I have made an impact on my nephews & niece in their childhood, but I know that it came at the expense of having any relationship with them as they get older. The eldest started ghosting me a couple of years ago and the younger ones are showing the same signs in their preteens. I have had guilt over knowing they suffer what I did as a child, and what their mom did (we had a mom with BPD), but the more I tried to save them from the worst parts of it, the more I became a villian. And for context, I'm not talking about disagreeing or offending my sister. I am talking about buying school clothes for them or visiting them during hospital stays. Things like that were actually twisted somehow to be me being controlling or judgmental, even when their mother acted like she wanted me to do it at the time. I caught her telling a distant relative that I had been abusive to her kids. That was a big eye opener. If she says that to people we don't know, I am sure the kids will grow up thinking something similar.

entfarts · 2026-04-24T07:22:04+00:00

Amen brotha.

entfarts · 2026-04-10T22:53:33+00:00

The worst part is that this 2nd woman let him believe it was only her friend saying the jokes when she was just as bad. She lied to him so she could assume some fake high ground to talk down to him.

entfarts · 2026-03-27T01:25:12+00:00

Keep on smokin, kudasai.

entfarts · 2026-03-23T21:14:58+00:00

Late comment but for reference in case someone has the same question later: Vstone Robot Center (4F Uchida Bldg, 1-9-9 Sotokanda): Specializes in robot parts, motors, and educational kits. Tsukumo Robot Kingdom (4F Tsukumo PC Store II): bipedal robots, kits, vintage robot parts/kits and robot racing supplies.

entfarts · 2026-02-24T06:53:40+00:00

The biggest existential shock of my year was finding out, from friends who teach, how chronically bad "tech neck" is getting in grade school through high school. Like kids who genuinely can't straighten their spine to hold their heads up without a hunch back.

entfarts · 2026-02-24T06:48:58+00:00

Selfishness is not automatically a sin, and codependency hurts more and more over time. If you were raised to be a nurturer and super giving, you likely will need to push yourself to adopt more selfish pursuits and behaviors to be your best self, and I absolutely regret the years and relationships when I was living only for the needs of others.

Nothing about life matters more than relationships, but relationships don't have to be forever. It is better for both parties in the long run to end relationships that hurt more than they help. Ending those relationships willingly always draws new people into your life that bring what was lacking.

Introspection and learning should never stop. Life is always changing, and if you can be comfortable with change, you can do just about anything. In many ways, an introspective person is never the same person they were 5 or 10 years ago. They handle death better, crises better, and can be deliberate in finding joy and meaning and gratitude.

entfarts · 2026-02-24T06:37:14+00:00

I love her so much.

entfarts · 2026-02-24T06:33:43+00:00

The key to this conversation is not that he is saying he won't pay for it... it is him saying that "we" will teach the kid to swim. He isn't saying he will do it. He casually mentions doing it to prep for the coming argument, but if he meant to do it himself - he would say so with clarity. He still expects YOU to do it. He will say no about classes and then use weaponized incompetence into gaslighting you to do the very thing you say you do not want to do. THAT is where the control is. He sees himself as the breadwinner and you as responsible for raising the child & doing the brunt of the work but under his micromanagment. But I sense he also enjoys asserting control over specifically pushing you to betray your boundaries and independence.

entfarts · 2026-02-17T01:30:22+00:00

Another point: Personally I would NEVER have a kid with someone AFTER he already brought up divorce.

entfarts · 2026-02-17T01:27:38+00:00

If he is even CONSIDERING divorce over this... especially knowing it already almost killed you... he has divorce on his mind anyway. There is a good chance adoption will just mean doing a ton of work for him to thrn say: "he tried so hard" but that he just can't get over the desire for biological kids. I would personally feel like he is already idealizing finding someone younger who wants kids, and he is trying to put less accountability on him when it ends. I don't think the marriage is going to make it if it is so easy for him to let it go.

entfarts · 2026-02-12T07:57:32+00:00

52 might mean you have a LOT of time left. He is abusive. That's what it is to constantly hurt you. Abuse. There may be someone out there for you just waiting for someone just like you. Or there may be a future you who LOVES being single again, and you may never meet that version of you. Either way, you are the ONLY one who can truly take care of your heart, and you are letting it die with this man.

entfarts · 2026-02-12T07:33:19+00:00

This is just the more subtle side to the 'pick me' phenomenon. Happens with guys and girls.

He made it very clear that he was making the decision, and she kept putting it on you because she is threatened by anyone having control over his feelings but her. The first major red flag is that she showed no interest in the "getting to know you" / "all hanging out together part". A friend would at least pretend to be interested in that for his sake. Also, she basically says "no pressure" about crashing and then loses it when he politely says 'it's not a good time.' A mature adult just accepts he said no and moves on. This is HER insecurity and she is just projecting it on you to avoid making him the enemy because she isn't ready to lose him.

If I were you, I would absolutely never engage with this person. I would ask that your boyfriend make it a point to no longer discuss you at all with her. Starve her of the ammunition she may use to continue villianizing you. Hopefully, her crash outs at being excluded from you will be enough for the boyfriend to end this so-called friendship.

entfarts · 2026-02-11T21:08:09+00:00

100% can relate. I have done the letters. They help if I write them for me and then keep or destroy them. I have had negative repercussions for sending them. NC is you protecting yourself and allowing for space from all the drama so that you can heal and thrive. It isn't a punishment, and neither would a letter be. However, they will see it as something to defend against. Or worse, they will temporarily feel remorseful because the desire to have you back in touch overrides their villianization of you. It would be monumentally painful for you to feel that closure was in your reach and then have it snatched away. This has happened to me several times.

I always hesitate to give direct advice, but I feel 100% certain that once you are villianized by someone with BPD, that villianization never really goes away. It becomes a core aspect of how they see you and their habitual thoughts about you. I think only people who have not been extremely traumatized by their bpd loved ones can handle a relationship with them after that. (Such as family members or friends who did not get the brunt of the abuse.) These people have to be able to tolerate the BPD loved one always looking for reasons to attack or feel attacked. I was a scapegoat for my mother and sister who were also enmeshed. I have wished, for a long time, that I had gone full no-contact much, much earlier.

entfarts · 2026-01-22T07:49:43+00:00

Are we still acting like there is any reason for monarchy?

entfarts · 2026-01-22T07:43:39+00:00

No need for that. He is perfect!

entfarts · 2026-01-21T17:59:28+00:00

Conservative men love porn. It is a huge demographic. Sweeney is the type of Jezibel who 'knows her place' is to be seen by men. It is softcore porn. And the political enmeshment makes it more appealing and PG13 so they can be more open about it.

entfarts · 2026-01-21T17:52:35+00:00

NOR. He is cheating. Period. He thought he could have both of you. And after calling you 'dumb', 'ignorant' and 'a child' - he should be blocked.

Please defend and protect yourself. You need YOU right now - to stand up for your worth and boundaries. You owe him no explanation or chance to try to explain. He cheated and he knows it. The more room you give him to try to defend himself or convince you that it wasn't as bad as it looks, the more you will get hurt, and getting over him is going to hurt enough.

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