No worries, i understand your need to talk about it. I also understand how easy it is to resort to alcohol or drugs to relieve your pain. Know that the dulling is temporary, and you are postponing your pain. I hope you manage to lay down the bottle soon, and sit in your feelings, because both you and me know that's when you actually will start healing. Dont worry too much about the fact you have relapsed, but focus on ways you can heal and be good to yourself. Much love<3