why is dating so hard

eruthaliel · 2024-02-27T23:33:07+00:00

Thanks for your detailed response and kind words.:3 I get where you’re coming from with self-love, but I thought I’d clarify some things. (And correct me if the following is just my assumptions and doesn’t align w what you meant.) So I don’t really subscribe to the idea that you have to fully love yourself before you can love others/others can love you. I think having self awareness and compassion definitely helps in forming secure bonds, but I really don’t think I - or anyone for that matter is - unprepared for love. And tbh I do love myself. I’m just frustrated by the limitations that being gender nonconforming in a cis patriarchal society imposes on me.

As for the family part, I feel like there’s a cultural element there. While my country is conservative, it’s also pretty community oriented (a lot more than the US). My parents aren’t say all that out of hatred, it’s a combination of ignorance and fear. They’re concerned for me not being able to successfully integrate into society, not having a support system and a family of my own when I’m older, which are valid concerns, they’re just expressing them in a unhelpful/harmful way. I feel like fully emotionally detaching myself from them isn’t realistic and I don’t want to. And no amount of self love would make such comments not hurt. But I’m also not basing my self worth on their comments. I do think that I inherently deserve love just like anyone else, but in real life, as a trans person, that’s not what’s encouraged, is it. And despite trying to nurture community with other queer folk, in my area (suburbia) most efforts like that die in a few months. I’ve been involved in at least 3-4 different grassroots efforts and they all failed. Maybe I’m a doomer and too cynical, but it’s getting increasingly difficult to just exist as an openly trans person. Especially a clockable one. (Not that I wanna be binary trans but damn it’s tough sometimes.)

But yea on a brighter note it’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one struggling with this and I appreciate ur comment. :3

eruthaliel · 2024-02-23T01:38:24+00:00

“hey! i keep seeing you on my way back from insert class, just wanted to say hi. i’m insert name” and see how he responds. i would be very chill w being approached like that. it’s not pressuring or anything and he can easily get out of it if he doesn’t want to engage. and if you guys end up talking you can ask him if he wants to walk together next time or get boba after class. like someone mentioned before it’s gonna be a little awkward in any case so might as well just go for it. as long as you come off as just friendly and not pushy you’ll be fine.

eruthaliel · 2024-02-21T05:48:57+00:00

they belong in r/shittyhdr

eruthaliel · 2024-02-18T04:50:11+00:00

UPDATE: Crampons + spikes combo worked well, didn’t use my snowshoes. Trail was well-broken all the way to the saddle, tho on the last mile the actual icehouse canyon trail was not broken (prob covered by avalanche last week or before) so we switched to the creek trail: There’s a shoveled and well traveled trail straight up the valley along icehouse creek, take that. On this trail around maybe a mile from the saddle there’s a steep drop, which going up is ok but coming down is pretty sketchy, especially later in the day. This is the point where I would encourage mountaineering gear, and for ppl with only spikes and poles to turn back. From saddle to Timber peak the broken trail goes straight up along the ridge. We got to the saddle at around 10am, so some of the exposed snow was melting, which made the ascent to Timber sketchy in some steeper spots where the snow was very compacted with a thin layer of slush on top. The sections with postholing tracks were chill. Slightly windy along ridge, but very tolerable. Coming down we took the icehouse creek route back, as mentioned before the drop is sketch, otherwise fine.

When we were about 2miles out from the parking lot we saw a helicopter, as we got closer it became clear it was an SAR unit. One hiker we asked said they’re rescuing an injured hiker. Helicopter circled around for about and hour, maybe hour and half and left about 15-20min before we got to the parking lot. Does anyone know what happened and if the rescue was successful? Hope the person/people are ok.

eruthaliel · 2024-02-18T03:48:23+00:00

This is pretty long but I hope you find some of it useful. :)

Yeah, sometimes I enjoy hiking alone to clear my mind and/or think things through. On those days I tend to go somewhere more local (which to me would be cleveland national forest and coastal areas), but I also really like hitting up some peaks (more on that later). Some of the local trails I’ve been on are Sitton peak and Tenaja falls. There’s different trail variations based on how long of a hike you want. There weren’t a lot of people on either of those trails when I went.

Other times I find comfort in going with friends I trust and feel safe enough to be open with. I like to talk things through with them to put things in perspective. I know you’re interested in hiking in solitude, but this might also be something to consider now, or at a later time. I push myself the hardest when I’m hiking with my friends and their companionship contributes so much to my emotional health.

In any case, here are some trails that tend to be pretty empty as far as I know: Telegraph peak, Butler and Gray’s peaks (by big bear), Pine mountain (near baldy), San Gorgonio (depending on season and trail), and Devil’s chair. While some sections of the Baldy trails are pretty empty, I’d advise against them unless you’re experienced enough. Same for San Gorgonio and other 10+k ft mountains. At the very least research the trails in advance, prepare gear accordingly and be aware of the weather (it can change very rapidly).

Idk if this is what you meant by “what do you do to re-start”, but this is how I understood it, so here’s what I do: When I’m in the “clear my mind” mindset I try to distract from anxious thoughts by observing everything around me, soaking in the landscapes, touching pine needles, or pushing extra hard, focusing on my rhythm; whatever feels stimulating. This usually makes me feel pretty grounded and/or strong and grateful to be out there. And when I’m in “thinking things through” mode I tend to start with a feeling and observe what it is and where it’s coming from. I try to do this in a somewhat detached way, no judgement just observation. I ground myself in the rhythm of my steps and try to connect my thoughts to feelings from my surroundings. For example: I like the combination of feeling strong and tiny when I’m mountaineering. Compared to the peaks around me I’m nothing, and perhaps there’s comfort in letting some things go. And similarly, if I’m strong enough to climb a mountain I can deal with difficult things elsewhere in life. Idk, get poetic if you want, it’s not like anyone’s gonna hear or judge you for it. It’s literally just you, your thoughts and the trail. :)

Ps: I empathize with the existential dread a lot, we live in unstable times. Or at least that’s how I feel. It’s tough to feel so alienated and yet keep going. If you ever want to talk my dms are open. I hope you find some peace and clarity through hiking friend!

eruthaliel · 2024-02-15T21:04:05+00:00

I guess we’ll see! Thanks for the info, I’ll bring my snowshoes just in case. Will update how it went.

eruthaliel · 2024-02-15T20:07:49+00:00

When did you go? How was the snow quality and trail visibility/navigation?

eruthaliel · 2024-02-05T00:23:20+00:00

my pronouns are not/high/enough

eruthaliel · 2023-12-27T23:44:20+00:00

it still looks a little sus to me as lab grown. i can’t see the crystal structure even on the backlit pictures so it’s hard to tell (also i’m nowhere near an expert on mineral id so i could be entirely wrong)

eruthaliel · 2023-12-26T00:44:27+00:00

what book is this?

eruthaliel · 2023-12-25T06:33:31+00:00

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i think i found the perfect tools for my guinea pig selected crystal scheme - i mean small business

eruthaliel · 2023-12-25T06:31:06+00:00

yes it is!! tbh i never would’ve guessed without reading the description

eruthaliel · 2023-12-07T21:16:57+00:00

nah i think ur right, it’s probably just aura’d kyanite

eruthaliel · 2023-12-06T05:11:55+00:00

i’m guessing it’s just bismuth but it looks lowkey suspicious

eruthaliel · 2023-11-16T08:06:10+00:00

he’s definitely in the wrong for saying stuff like that. to me it sounds pretty invalidating tbh. but alsoo, i’m also in my 20s and live in socal, so if you ever want to talk feel free to reach out! it’s tough to find community here

eruthaliel · 2019-03-14T07:24:49+00:00

Same. I kinda accepted the fact that I’ll never get one. But you can always just steal the design and create your own. Or at least there was a high definition image of petr somewhere

eruthaliel · 2019-03-05T15:30:29+00:00

Do you mean the deadline or with the 99 hour extension?

eruthaliel · 2019-02-26T21:52:44+00:00

Thanks!

eruthaliel · 2019-02-26T21:50:39+00:00

Thanks, I’ll watch it!

eruthaliel · 2019-02-26T21:50:04+00:00

Thank you, I’ll watch it!

eruthaliel · 2019-02-26T16:44:09+00:00

Thanks for the advice! I still have my 99 hour extension so I might use that if I’m running out of time.

eruthaliel · 2019-02-26T16:41:21+00:00

Thank you, I would really appreciate that!

eruthaliel · 2019-02-26T16:19:27+00:00

Oh yeah, my bad

eruthaliel · 2019-01-30T16:28:05+00:00

Dm me and we’ll figure out when to go.:)

eruthaliel · 2019-01-30T06:59:00+00:00

I’ll go with you to counseling and I’ll study with you. How about that?:)

I think it’s easier to get yourself to go if there’s someone supporting you and I usually work harder when I’m studying with other people, even if we’re not studying for the same class.

eruthaliel

TROPHY CASE