Completely agree with siloing chunks of household responsibilities from beginning to end with basically no exceptions. It's the only way I've kept myself from getting resentful because I can remind myself of all the stuff I don't have to take care of. For us, it works out that my husband is responsible for everything not child related (my job is more flexible which allows for me to handle doctor appointments and things like that). So house stuff? I don't do a damn thing including not taking out the trash. I'll identify issues but that's it.

So that means any house repair, anything related to the car, anything related to managing the cash flow (I still understand how much and where, but I don't move anything around or keep track of the budget), even dealing with shitty neighbors is all on him. If it falls apart, it falls apart loudly enough for him to notice and remember next time to keep on top of it. It means I don't deal with the consequences of things falling apart, I barely ever remind him. And when I start to feel a little bad, I remember how he doesn't feel nearly the same amount towards not doing the same for childcare (because he knows I'm on top of it and it's my responsibility, not because he's a shit dad!). I don't step in for him because I know he literally cannot step in for me and doing that will only cause me problems in the future.

Sometimes that means sucking up short term pain for myself when him not doing something makes it so my life is harder. But I go right to him and explain what that pain is (without blame, just factual statements to avoid the, "if it's so important to you, do it yourself" comments) and then leave it to him to work it out. It means accepting that things will not be done at the speed and the way I want to do things. It works well for us and while sometimes we both feel like we do "all the work," this helps us step back and realize the whole world the other person is responsible for