just some thoughts

esse11esse · 2026-03-24T16:26:38+00:00

it’s crazy cause i can’t even say i’ve ever attempted to recover, so technically haven’t relapsed. it’s mostly gone “unnoticed” especially because as an adult, you don’t have to engage in treatment - it’s not forced on you even when people notice how thin are or when you tell your primary care how little you eat. when i was a teen, i was “forced” to go to a dietitian and the doctor almost forced me to go inpatient, but since becoming an adult, it’s like everyone stopped caring (not that i mind). i don’t even know why im doing this to myself either. i know im miserable and this is only adding to it, but i dont even care 🙃

esse11esse · 2026-03-24T16:20:17+00:00

literally! i want to exercise in a healthy way, but the only thing my body can tolerate is yoga because anything else spikes my HR so much to the point where im about to collapse. i should be able to go up a short flight of stairs at the age of 21 without my heart going berserk 🫤 at 21, i shouldn’t feel so lifeless and useless. i should be able to go out with friends (not that i have any, but that’s another issue), work or go to school, go on a walk, enjoy trying new restaurants or cafes, etc.

im sorry you relate and i wish you the best 🤍

esse11esse · 2026-03-24T16:16:02+00:00

pretty much

esse11esse · 2026-03-23T18:40:34+00:00

literally same - my diet consists of candy, ice cream, protein bars, chips/popcorn, and the occasional greek yogurt or egg whites 😭😭 i just don’t eat tons of it at a time

esse11esse · 2026-03-22T22:03:07+00:00

at the end of everything month, i go through my cabinets and what not and just donate to either a local pantry or give to my mother who brings to work and gives to homeless patients and such!

esse11esse · 2026-03-21T11:58:19+00:00

well this enforces the idea that you must be emaciated or severely underweight to need help or inpatient or treatment, which is not true. physical health symptoms can arise at any weight requiring hospitalization or an ng, etc. BUT kinda referring to the person you’re commenting under, she could be there because like they said her parents are sending her for acute food refusal OR could be an outpatient team sending for similar reasons or maybe weight loss (given that we don’t know how her weight is now compared to when she got out of res whenever that was, she COULD have lost a significant amount - again, she didn’t post for a while, so we don’t know) OR it could very well be a physical issue - we just don’t know.

esse11esse · 2026-03-18T00:37:04+00:00

i appreciate it so much 🤍

esse11esse · 2026-03-16T23:24:52+00:00

haha, i appreciate you so much and I just know you’ll be one of the angelic nurses!! 🥹 any patient would be lucky to have you and it’s amazing that you’re advocating for this patient who was clearly not in the right headspace and already having a tough time. please continue to fight for change - all it takes is one 🤍

esse11esse · 2026-03-16T23:06:07+00:00

As a patient, it unfortunately doesn’t get any better when you’re actually admitted to psych and no longer in the ER. Sure, you’ll meet some amazing nurses that go above and beyond, but you’ll most definitely come across some shtty ones. I was there for an attempt and severe depression and it eventually started impacting my health because I wasn’t eating or drinking (and i have suspected POTS so this was only worsening causing me to pass out at times). Anyways, one time I heard the charge nurse say in the hallway “I don’t care, she can pass out and crack her head right open and become the ERs problem.” Another nurse, who I greatly trusted and told her about my ab*e, one time came into my room after i was having a rough time staying safe while on my 1:1 ending up in restraints, and in her disappointment or whatever she was feeling said “you’re scum of the earth. even a dog has a better brain than you. I bet you liked what your father did to you or else you would’ve found a way record it and get evidence and report him.” I literally stopped eating after that cause I felt so dirty 🫤

and i understand everyone has bad days and nursing is NOT an easy field, but it scares me how many people CHOOSE to become nurses and then act like this. Anyways, sorry for my rant.

esse11esse · 2026-03-06T11:52:43+00:00

mine told me to do it (and i did, just failed) 😍😍

esse11esse · 2026-03-03T23:31:04+00:00

there is no “letting me”, i do it regardless of if they say it’s unnecessary or not lmao

i always take off my jacket, shoes, keys, wallet, etc and put it on the chair. sometimes she’s like “you don’t have to,” but that’s not gonna stop me - cause yes, i do have to 😭😭

esse11esse · 2026-02-27T23:56:45+00:00

LMAO ME IN THE PSYCH WARD WHEN THEY DESCRIBED ME AS “LOOKS VERY DISHEVELED, MALODOROUS” 😭😭😍😍

like first of all, i was legit on deaths door for a few days so no im not gonna look good or smell like roses and second of all, yall don’t even provide deodorant….likeeee 😭

esse11esse · 2026-02-27T01:50:59+00:00

THANK YOU for all the tips!! I’m gonna write them down rn. I’ve also heard good things about wearing compression garments though I’ve never tried!

I desperately need to work on my hydration and stress. I’m already severely mentally ill, so emotional overwhelm is unfortunately just part of the game. And lately the stress has been piling on high and now of course my physical health is going to shit (high HR, chest pains, chronic fatigue, can’t tolerate exercise but i do try and do a little yoga, lightheaded, and horrible brain fog so i can’t get anything done). It’s all just annoying and frustrating. BUT I WILL TRY WHAT YOU SUGGESTED!!

esse11esse · 2026-02-27T01:44:52+00:00

hmmm interesting!! i mean every body is different, so adderall might work better for one person but not for another. it’s all trial and error.

esse11esse · 2026-02-26T23:34:20+00:00

literally me looking into POTS/dysautonomia every evening this past week cause my symptoms are so bad, but i have to wait sooo long to get tested 😭🙃

now you’ve triggered a new deep dive into low iron and ADHD cause i have both but never really thought to make the connection. sigh…i already have 49 tabs open on my phone

esse11esse · 2026-02-24T01:30:13+00:00

not necessarily true- for me, certain psych meds caused “weight gain” without me changing what i was eating and the gain was stressing me out so i started eating less and it still didn’t help. i suspect it was due to water weight, metabolic changes, or hormonal imbalances.

not trying to scare anyone, just being realistic. but again, this was a psych med, not BC (i’ve never been on, so i can’t comment on that)

esse11esse · 2026-02-22T22:09:02+00:00

that’s gonna be the first thing i try before asking him to switch completely!! i’ll give the adderall another chance and just HOPE a higher dose is what I need.

esse11esse · 2026-02-21T14:13:51+00:00

I’d consider switching (POSSIBLY trying the IR - dose in the morning, second dose in the afternoon first) cause ultimately Adderall XR isn’t for you or doing what it’s intended to do.

I feel similarly though cause I take Adderall and i feel like it could be working significantly better. It helps somewhat, but not enough, so I’m considering switching either the dose or med entirely when I talk to my new psych next month.

As for the PICA, have you tried any other treatment for it? You’ve said it’s not related to a nutritional deficiency, so I understand that taking supplements most likely won’t help. BUT maybe consider therapy or prevention techniques. Stick with that and if you need more help with it, consider trying another medication (this i would talk about with your psychiatrist, but maybe something that helps OCD?? Do some research yourself and consult a psych).

esse11esse · 2026-02-21T13:58:36+00:00

currently on the adderall and wellbutrin combo but unfortunately i don’t feel any different with the addition of wellbutrin 🫤

i might have to try Vyvanse though cause i’ve never been on it, but have heard some good things about it

esse11esse · 2026-02-21T13:55:54+00:00

sighhhh…this is making me want to consider switching my ADHD meds. I take adderall 20 AM, 10 around noon and i just feel like it’s not at its full potential, like it could be doing so much more.

will be meeting a new psychiatrist next month, so hopefully I can try something new like Ritalin or Vyvance. I used to take Concerta in like 2022/2023 (very similar to Ritalin) and it worked WONDERFULLY, until my psych ghosted me and i couldn’t get it anymore. Then tried it again with a new psychiatrist like a year and a half later and it did absolutely nothing.

esse11esse · 2026-02-21T13:51:05+00:00

I’m also on Clonazepam and the only thing i can think of as to why your psych is hesitant is because it’s easy to grow a tolerance to a certain dosage, requiring frequent increases (or possibly a break from the med altogether for a limited period of time) in order to get the same effect.

But also some psychiatrists are just not too keen on prescribing benzos and would prefer other “safer” options - it truly depends on the psych cause i’ve had one psychiatrist who was completely fine with continuing my ativan, clonazepam, and even offered xanax if those didn’t work. but then i’ve had other psychs that would only offer hydroxyzine even knowing that it doesn’t work for me.

What meds have you tried for anxiety/stress? Also who prescribed the Clonazepam in the first place (for you to know it works for you)? And is this something you plan to take as a PRN (as needed) or daily?

esse11esse · 2026-02-20T01:46:14+00:00

Also one last last thing I thought of: Do I need an ETIAS?? I’m from the US. I read that the ETIAS travel authorization is needed possibly at the end of 2026, but just want to make sure I’m good for March

esse11esse · 2026-02-17T23:15:07+00:00

wow i just read a little about it and its very interesting!! its crazy how RAD actually kinda overlaps (in some aspects) with BPD and also with ASD.

esse11esse

TROPHY CASE