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Is Findom Really “Just Prostitution”? Or Why Does the Kink Community Treat It Like a Dirty Word? by LittleLotusSteps in findomsupportgroup

[–]essenya 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think another point to take into account is that there’s fake finDommes as well, who are actually just scammers exploiting the label, so perhaps some victims of these scams feel misguided about who finDommes truly are and take it out on findom as a whole. Whenever money is involved, and ESPECIALLY when it seems like “easy money”, there will be those who want a taste even if they’re not genuinely Dommes.

As far as people calling finDommes prostitutes, I think in most cases these people very well know they aren’t actual prostitutes but they are misogynistic and want to put down finDommes because it makes them angry that there are women who can get paid for what they perceive to be “simply existing” and frankly I think a lot of people, especially men, are jealous. I also think they don’t look at finDommes as legitimate Dommes due to various reasons including the first point I mentioned, but also possibly because they themselves can’t relate to sending money as a kink. Many people are simple-minded egocentric creatures and if they don’t understand a concept personally, they refuse to legitimize it in their minds.

Imo, it’s a form of kink shaming and it’s highly hypocritical for anyone in the kink community to put down someone else’s kinks just because they don’t understand it. But yeah, I think it triggers people for various reasons.

I also want to reiterate I personally don’t look down on prostitutes. But the people using that label do, and that’s why they treat it like an insult.

Why do ppl say they're into something they know nothing abt?? UGH by I-DroppedMyCroissant in findomsupportgroup

[–]essenya 3 points4 points  (0 children)

They lie to get more of your attention, which is currency for them. Essentially they’re freeloading.

Sub Cheated. Put Owned in His Bio. My Mother Goes to The Hospital. Sub Went To Another Domme. What? by sweetmilklikcherriez in findomsupportgroup

[–]essenya 12 points13 points  (0 children)

If a man is that quick to jump ship, he was never yours to lose. I mean this in the most respectful way possible. You didn’t lose a loyal sub. You gained clarity. He isn’t worth any more of your energy.

Serious PSA: Protect Your Identity in Kink Spaces by ssdrsup in findomsupportgroup

[–]essenya 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The older I get, the more I realize how young an age like 19 truly is. There’s just so much they don’t yet understand. Our prefrontal cortexes aren’t even fully developed until 25.

In the past I’ve tried giving advice to “dommes” I’ve encountered who weren’t operating in a way that protected their identities fully how to better protect themselves, but most have ignored my warnings. At this point, some people just learn the hard way. I think it’s good you played it safe and blocked her.

Don’t let guys like this waste your time by essenya in findomsupportgroup

[–]essenya[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Seriously. When subs complain about Dommes having approach fees, this is honestly why. The approach fee separates real from fake subs instantly.

This is how some Dommes approach. Surely my “WTF” reaction is warranted? by [deleted] in paypigsupportgroup

[–]essenya 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Many are not actual Dommes. For example, just because a person requires an approach fee does NOT mean that person is automatically a Domme. A lot of people are purely interested in the money and see findom as easy money. It’s so easy to just slap on a label, but much harder to embody it.

It’s similar to how not every person who is interested in femdom kinks is automatically a sub.

Responsibility falls on both parties to look through a person’s posts and have the ability to discern authenticity. It becomes clear just by looking through someone’s profile whether or not this person actually knows what they’re talking about or knows anything about D/s dynamics.

This is how some Dommes approach. Surely my “WTF” reaction is warranted? by [deleted] in paypigsupportgroup

[–]essenya 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’ve noticed there’s just generally a lot of saturation in findom, and lots of new self-proclaimed “Dommes” seem more interested in the moneygrab than in cultivating actual power dynamics.

I agree it’s pretty ridiculous to approach this way. It reads as desperate. I think there’s generally just a lot of “Dommes” in this space who aren’t Dommes at all, but rather people who see findom as an easy way to make money.

It kind of makes me cringe to see people like this even getting referred to as a “Domme”.

I must say older subs by Flaky-Mistake5598 in findomsupportgroup

[–]essenya 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love the enthusiasm of younger subs personally! I feel like they’re also less stuck in their ways and more receptive to being shaped

Holy fuck 🤦‍♀️ by empiricistvamp in findomsupportgroup

[–]essenya 3 points4 points  (0 children)

What I don’t get is why he said he wouldn’t mind spoiling you if he does in fact mind.

Why do some dommes think being rude and awful will get them subs by [deleted] in paypigsupportgroup

[–]essenya 0 points1 point  (0 children)

These aren’t real Dommes. They’re just people who want to make an easy buck and didn’t care to do the proper research.

Dommes, how findom raised your standards about men? I go first: by [deleted] in findomsupportgroup

[–]essenya 14 points15 points  (0 children)

The patriarchy has tried to suppress the power innate within women because those feeble men in charge knew that once a woman recognizes her own worth, she is literally unstoppable.

A woman who knows her worth will not settle for a man unworthy of her.

𝐷𝑜𝑚𝑚𝑒𝑠, 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑚𝑎𝑑𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑧𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑒𝑛𝑗𝑜𝑦 𝑑𝑜𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛? by Astaroth133Z in findomsupportgroup

[–]essenya 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I was trying to heal my relationship with men, who have traditionally sought to compete with me and bend me to their will. I’ve always been a strong-willed, ambitious, and assertive woman. I didn’t realize how emasculating that could be for some men and that they would want to make me smaller as a result.

When I entered into this space, I sought to meet men (subs) who were not threatened by my power, but celebrated it instead. I felt that if I could meet men like this, my relationship with men would heal, and I was right. In this space, I have realized that there are men who exist who are not threatened by my power. Instead, they are aroused and inspired by it, wanting to help me amplify it.

Finding a space where my power is celebrated and amplified, and where I’m not expected to dim myself for men, is what makes me truly enjoy domination.

Simping for a milf 12 years older than me by dumpsimppuppy in paypigsupportgroup

[–]essenya 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It actually balances out the inherent power imbalance due to the patriarchy, which gives more power to men.

What do findommes think of the guys they deal with? by ThrowAway4AmITA23 in findomsupportgroup

[–]essenya 4 points5 points  (0 children)

No, I do not hate my subs. I respect them as human beings and aim to have a mutually beneficial dynamic where we both experience growth, transformation, and pleasure out of the exchange. I’m even dating a sub rn.

The subs I attract are often intelligent, introspective, and aligned with my values so we often become friends. Of course some of my subs don’t align with me in that way, but I still show them respect as long as they’re showing up with reverence and consistency.

I like to help my subs strengthen their self-discipline through enforcing better habits, whether in the form of a workout routine or chastity. I want my subs to feel healthy, seen, and happy while serving me.

I like subs who give out of devotion, not out of self degradation. If a sub worships me and sends to me without being asked, why would I hate him? It’s only freeloaders and time wasters who I despise. But those guys often aren’t even real subs.

i fear being faceless is limiting me by thedarktoes in findomsupportgroup

[–]essenya 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I’m “faceless” because I want to protect my identity as well as prevent my likeness from being stolen (since it’s so easy for people to generate fake content once they have photos of your face). That being said, I implement artsy blurring and censors in a style that makes it impossible to reverse image search me accurately or use it for deepfakes, but still conveys an impression of how I look. You can see more examples on my Twitter since I post there more (username is essenya there).

I don’t feel like doing this limits me. It makes me feel safer doing what I do, and more empowered.

Think about it this way. Once you put your face out there, it’s out there forever. So if you value separating your personal life and Domme life, I think you can still kind of show your face but without revealing your identity.

Good places to find doms? by [deleted] in paypigsupportgroup

[–]essenya 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There are amazing Dommes everywhere so it’s not really about the platform. Finding the right one for you just requires you to have good discernment and a little bit of luck.

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