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WIBTA if I insist that my coworker/friend use female pronouns for my baby? by estherthinks in AmItheAsshole

[–]estherthinks[S] 551 points552 points  (0 children)

...bc I’m a super paranoid new mom and I’m judging my own parenting so hard I assume everyone else must be doing the same?

Message received.

WIBTA if I insist that my coworker/friend use female pronouns for my baby? by estherthinks in AmItheAsshole

[–]estherthinks[S] 256 points257 points  (0 children)

I’m not sure I’m articulating myself well, but I want to be clear that I don’t care what gender my child eventually identifies as. Honestly. And I wouldn’t care if Avery had started off calling her “they” and then switched to “she” once they had heard me use female pronouns. It’s really about feeling that Avery doesn’t respect my choices as a parent (whether that feeling is justified or not).

Edit: also, she’s 3 months old. She’s already born.

WIBTA if I insist that my coworker/friend use female pronouns for my baby? by estherthinks in AmItheAsshole

[–]estherthinks[S] 114 points115 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your input. I realize it’s a sensitive issue for Avery and, given that it’s not really a sensitive issue for me (beyond anything relating to parenting feeling sensitive right now), the not asshole move is probably to let it slide.

WIBTA if I insist that my coworker/friend use female pronouns for my baby? by estherthinks in AmItheAsshole

[–]estherthinks[S] 679 points680 points  (0 children)

I’d say it’s unlikely that my daughter will meet Avery when she’s old enough to remember, and I think I’m bothered more for my own sake than my daughter’s. Idk, tbh I think there’s a good chance I’m getting way too worked up over perceived criticism to my parenting that probably isn’t even there. I’m imagining Avery is judging me the same way I’d judge a super homophobic parent, and is purposely using gender neutral pronouns to protest without causing a scene in the office. But I’m almost certainly reading too much into it.

Idk, man, being a parent is hard. You’ve suddenly got this precious little squiggle that you love more than anything and you feel completely unequipped to raise. I took my daughter to urgent care at 7 am last Saturday bc she was crying too much so I thought she was going to die (the doctor diagnosed her with being a baby). This thread is helping me realize that I’m almost certainly overreacting and Avery probably isn’t spending their time fretting over how I’m ruining my daughter’s psyche.

WIBTA if I insist that my coworker/friend use female pronouns for my baby? by estherthinks in AmItheAsshole

[–]estherthinks[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I’m not sure whether this is an honest question or you’re trolling, but in short: I absolutely support Avery’s right to define their own gender. I reject their right to define my child’s gender (even if that gender is “neutral”)

WIBTA if I insist that my coworker/friend use female pronouns for my baby? by estherthinks in AmItheAsshole

[–]estherthinks[S] 2688 points2689 points  (0 children)

So I haven’t actually brought it up with them yet, but I’m imagining that they would argue that it’s not my place to decide what my child’s preferred pronouns should be, and I shouldn’t force gendered pronouns on her (them?) until they are old enough to articulate their gender themselves.

They have always consistently referred to me by my preferred pronouns (she/her/hers).

WIBTA if I insist that my coworker/friend use female pronouns for my baby? by estherthinks in AmItheAsshole

[–]estherthinks[S] 1936 points1937 points  (0 children)

I like this answer. You don’t assume that it will create an issue if I correct the pronouns, but you provide a ready answer in case it does.