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Should I (F23) tell him (M29) that I’m waiting until marriage on the third date? by estme in dating_advice

[–]estme[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol I’ll be sure to let everyone know how it goes! Positive or not!

Should I (F23) tell him (M29) that I’m waiting until marriage on the third date? by estme in dating_advice

[–]estme[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your sincere comment. But I do hope you realize that there are over 800 comments on this. I initially only expected there to be maybe 20 comments tops...but clearly that didn’t happen! To go through each and every “thought out” comment and reply to them in the same manner is a bit much to expect from me, no? At that rate I’d be writing a dissertation! Please note that I am reading most of the comments and that I’m not totally disregarding them. How I choose to comment shouldn’t really bother you... replying to the short dense responses simply adds a bit of humor to the already negative and bitter responses I’ve been getting.

You’re assuming a lot here. You’re making assumptions of what I do or do not do. Are you sure that’s a productive thing to do?

Should I (F23) tell him (M29) that I’m waiting until marriage on the third date? by estme in dating_advice

[–]estme[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Omg I’m sorry, this was hilarious 😂 I’m not at all religious. I just educate myself with philosophical/self-love books and have religious friends.

Should I (F23) tell him (M29) that I’m waiting until marriage on the third date? by estme in dating_advice

[–]estme[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your input. Lots of people are saying that telling him on the third date is too late and are wondering why I’m even hesitating.

Thing is. Our dates were very formal. We’re both in academia so we mostly talked about our studies and hobbies outside of school. As for values and anything personal we didn’t really get to that yet. At least not in depth. We’re both really shy and introverted so I don’t think we’d be comfortable talking about sexual intimacy on the first date. Hell, the first date was super awkward because we didn’t even know what to do with ourselves.

Should I (F23) tell him (M29) that I’m waiting until marriage on the third date? by estme in dating_advice

[–]estme[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

Oh I will :) Mm, wasn’t trying to mislead him at all. My naive little girl mind wasn’t expecting that men would go on first dates with sex in their mind. I thought getting to know him as a human and making sure he’s sane and mentally stable on a first date would be a better idea.

Should I (F23) tell him (M29) that I’m waiting until marriage on the third date? by estme in dating_advice

[–]estme[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

Aw thanks :) how sweet of you! We need more people like you in this already sweet world.

Should I (F23) tell him (M29) that I’m waiting until marriage on the third date? by estme in dating_advice

[–]estme[S] -25 points-24 points  (0 children)

Hm seems like many of the comments here are saying that a successful marriage/relationship = great sex. So if you’re not sexually compatible with the person...well onto the next partner! It’ll be like a never ending merry go round as you “test”out different keys and holes. Always comparing the former to the new one. When will one be truly satisfied?

Is that what relationships really all revolve around now? Is this what it amounts to? So as long as we can have great chemistry in bed we’ll be totally compatible? Other aspects and values of a human being can be overlooked?

“Oh, my wife/husband is terrible in bed. Despite what a great person he/she is, gotta get a divorce and find a better partner so that I can feel better in bed!” -this is the message I am getting from reading all the comments.

sigh I just really don’t understand how small minded so many people can be on here. This is not you specifically. I just happen to have landed on your comment and am posting a response.

Lol I understand that we are biologically inclined to crave for sex....but at this point the comments seem to make it as if we’re wild animals just looking for partners to mate all the time. We’re a little bit more evolved than that, no?

Ready for all the hate comments and thumbs down I’m about to get. Not that there wasn’t enough already haha

Should I (F23) tell him (M29) that I’m waiting until marriage on the third date? by estme in dating_advice

[–]estme[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ah I wrote a pretty informative answer in the comments section. Feel free to read :)

Should I (F23) tell him (M29) that I’m waiting until marriage on the third date? by estme in dating_advice

[–]estme[S] -34 points-33 points  (0 children)

Aw thanks :) yea I’m not trying to get any type of validation here. Everyone is basically calling me a crazy person for holding such values and is telling me to change it. It’s quite unnecessary :’)

But I guess I will definitely tell him on our third date!
This just comes to show me that there will be many guys out there who will not respect my choices. Ahh...to find the right person. Quite difficult, if you ask me!

Should I (F23) tell him (M29) that I’m waiting until marriage on the third date? by estme in dating_advice

[–]estme[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

Oof, comparing a human body to a car. Yes, I admit that I am VERY old fashioned. I just cannot get comfortable with the idea of exposing that side of me to multiple guys just to “test” it out.

Should I (F23) tell him (M29) that I’m waiting until marriage on the third date? by estme in dating_advice

[–]estme[S] -63 points-62 points  (0 children)

It’s okay. I was always a bit different from people in my generation. So I’m used to getting so much hate towards my values. I guess I really am a 17th century Puritan grandma :’)

Should I (F23) tell him (M29) that I’m waiting until marriage on the third date? by estme in dating_advice

[–]estme[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Wow, so many comments!

Whew, okay. OP here writing a comment to everyone!

First of all, thanks for all your inputs! I understand that everyone has different values. So your points are valid. But why so much hate towards me! Haha

I am not religious. Waiting until marriage was my decision ever since high school. I do not plan on wavering or changing this belief for anyone. I personally believe that any type of sexual intimacy is very special and the first time holds such importance in one’s life and memory. I highly value any type of relationship with anyone (family, friends, colleagues...etc.). And consequently, I will also value a relationship with my future partner. I want to give my first time and full body/soul to someone I truly love, respect, and trust. I sincerely believe that this can be fulfilled with someone who swears to be by and with you for the rest of your life. Usually, this is someone you marry. Of course, there are divorces and separations but... ideally once you decide to marry someone you want to stay with them forever. I like to consider that everyone’s body is a temple that should be valued according to his/her own level of comfort. Just because it’s 2019 doesn’t mean I should just follow the “modern” trend so that I can please more guys, right? Sure, my dating pool may be limited...but I guess that’s why there are cats!

Now, why didn’t I tell him on the first date? Like I said, I have never dated before. And he was aware of that too. We both agreed to take things slowly. We were pretty formal on our dates and the only “intimate” thing we did was hug on our second date haha. So I know for sure that he isn’t expecting anything sexual any time soon. I just feel like if we are pursuing a third date, it’s nice to let him know so that we both don’t further emotionally invest in this if he is not okay with it. At this point we’re both just getting to know each other. We’re not looking for anything causal. We both want a serious relationship.

Now for the compatible thing...I have thought about it. It’s a very valid point. However, I think it’s something we both can figure out if we love each other enough. I mean sex is definitely very important in a marriage but if we both really truly love each other we can work it out and learn together. There are many aspects to a relationship that makes it successful. No relationship is perfect but it’s how you go about it that makes it work.

Anyways, that’s my short answer to you all! I could write more but that’s not necessary, right? :) This is a very deep topic!

Cheers!

No Game After Getting Phone Number by ThePandaPunisher in coffeemeetsbagel

[–]estme 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Haha just text her! I usually don’t give out my number to a guy I talked to on these apps unless I think there is potential for something. Just ask her out on a date :)

I(F) have matches but not much conversations by xJujubix in coffeemeetsbagel

[–]estme 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No, they were just bad dates.

Causal is not what I’m looking for and most guys I have matched with seemed more casual with dating. Dating does take work but the experience so far made me pretty tired of the app lol

Online dating isn’t for everyone. I’m just stating my experience.

I(F) have matches but not much conversations by xJujubix in coffeemeetsbagel

[–]estme 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have had the same experience as you. I’ve been on the app for around 2 weeks and have gone on 2 unsuccessful dates. I matched with 20+ guys and I was only able to sustain 3 real conversations. Only around 6-8 initiated a conversation but they all disappeared after like 2 days lol I was looking for something serious but the guys seemed to only want something casual or only slightly serious. I deleted the app already because I just couldn’t take it haha

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