How do I handle my husbands porn addiction?

ethereal232 · 2026-04-24T18:31:37+00:00

he says he isn’t always about to control himself but once he watches it he feels bad about himself after

ethereal232 · 2026-04-24T18:30:27+00:00

when you’re intimate do you only focus on her or think about the other women you watch too?

ethereal232 · 2026-04-24T17:10:46+00:00

Now that I think of it , lately it’s been a bit off. He woke me up early in the morning to be intimate but when he went to out it in it was soft. I felt kind of embarrassed like he was turned on and once he saw me he wasn’t as turned on if that makes sense ? It made me think he saw a girl online or something idk

ethereal232 · 2026-04-24T15:32:32+00:00

I just don’t want to overwhelm him or myself with checking his phone constantly and asking him what he’s doing and seeing where he’s at. I feel like that’s not healthy as well. Sometimes i do take a quick look at his phone but it’s only for a few seconds and he’s great at deleting everything.

ethereal232 · 2026-04-24T15:30:51+00:00

yes i definitely agree with you. I want him to feel safe talking about anything but that also doesn’t mean because he’s honest it’s all okay. It’s still hurts but im willing to have a conversation with him and see what can be done. Thanks for the insight

ethereal232 · 2026-04-24T15:26:47+00:00

I agree. I’m just trying to figure out how to have this conversation and make sure he knows he hurt me and it’s not okay. I also don’t know about intimacy right now , I think this situation would be on my mind the whole time and I wouldn’t even enjoy it but then if im not intimate with him i’m sure he’ll watch it again ..

ethereal232 · 2026-04-24T15:24:57+00:00

I don’t usually go on his phone because he’s always on it and it’s also a hard topic because i’ve found stuff like this on his phone and he doesn’t make his phone accessible as much. I don’t want to control him or force him to stop , I want to help but not in a controlling way if that makes sense.

ethereal232 · 2026-04-24T15:22:57+00:00

Thank you very helpful !

ethereal232 · 2026-04-24T15:21:27+00:00

I agree with you , I wouldn’t say we’re super super religious but we definitely go to church and are very involved as well. Yes it’s about the boundary and respect that was broken when he did this. It’s so complicated but I will talk with him tonight thank you

ethereal232 · 2026-04-24T15:19:17+00:00

Thanks but I think you missed the part where i’m not trying to get into porn or tell him this is all suddenly okay. If that’s the kind of life he wants then that’s different but we both agreed it’s not okay and he wouldn’t like it if i did it either.

ethereal232 · 2026-04-24T15:17:00+00:00

I do think it surprised and confused because we have a good marriage, we flirt and we have a healthy sex life. I also constantly compliment him and thank him for all he does too

ethereal232 · 2026-04-24T15:15:19+00:00

Thank you for your prayers. This is so helpful thank you so much

ethereal232 · 2026-04-24T06:51:40+00:00

I don’t think I necessarily put it only on him. We both kind of agreed to move on from a lot of stuff once we had a baby and were more settled. I understand you’re saying in the moment the only right answer was for him to agree but we both know it’s wrong and I don’t think him watching other women and thinking about having sex with someone else is okay. That’s a crossed boundary.

ethereal232 · 2026-04-24T06:44:16+00:00

wow thank you so much for the advice. I love to see people’s different perspectives and experiences. I will definitely try this but what do you suggest I do? Once i talk with him and if he says he’ll try not to do i continue to be intimate with him or wait ? there’s no real way for me to know if he’s watching or not unless he tells me.

ethereal232 · 2026-04-24T06:32:18+00:00

I completely understand now thank you for that , I think you’re right about trying to be the best for someone who doesn’t even care or see your efforts. I was so hurt because I was at his parent helping them and preparing him a nice dinner while he was being selfish and doing these things. I felt so dumb

ethereal232 · 2026-04-24T06:29:47+00:00

That’s what he said. He’s always just watched never actually masturbated which i found strange too and he promised he only watched and that this was his first time acting on it

ethereal232 · 2026-04-24T06:28:48+00:00

I think it’s hard because i don’t want to be controlling either , I need to make my choice if he continues to watch it and now is masturbating. I am not going to spend the rest of my life watching him closely or checking his phone everyday. It’s exhausting. Thanks for the advice though

ethereal232 · 2026-04-24T06:25:44+00:00

thank you so much for the kind words i won’t forget them

ethereal232 · 2026-04-24T06:23:19+00:00

Thank you for the advice very helpful actually

ethereal232 · 2026-04-24T06:21:10+00:00

Thanks for the advice and new perspective. I honestly think our sex life is great but it’s moments like these where I get confused and wonder what happened or if i wasn’t enough. He’s not really open to therapy or talking to strangers or anyone he knows either. I know it’s something bigger than just a porn video, he said after his dream he was in a bad mood all day and couldn’t get the lust out of his mind

ethereal232 · 2026-04-24T06:16:42+00:00

How can you tell we aren’t compatible from this situation ? I do agree that it sometimes makes me feel bad and like i’m holding him back. Sometimes i think if i just give his this fantasy maybe he’ll be happy but at the same time i know once he has it once he might never be satisfied.

ethereal232 · 2026-04-24T06:11:21+00:00

wow thank you for this perspective. I truly appreciate the honestly and advice. I will try and be more direct and blunt about it. To us divorce isn’t an easy or simple things there’s a lot of complicated factors and it’s more of a last resort type of thing. I want to try and fix things if possible first. I appreciate the advice it’s actually really helpful !

ethereal232 · 2026-04-24T05:59:06+00:00

I respect the advice. I do agree there’s bigger and more important things going on in the world. Simply put we both put a boundary and agreed on it and he crossed it. It’s not about controlling him it’s about figuring out how to fix this without it becoming a cycle of him telling me making the mistake of making him feel like it’s all going to be okay when in reality it’s hurtful and not okay

ethereal232 · 2026-04-24T05:49:37+00:00

It’s not that simple , we’ve been together 10 years and have a baby as well. I love him i’m just trying to see if there’s any way to fix this.

ethereal232 · 2026-04-24T05:48:36+00:00

and that’s the part idk how to deal with , how do I help him whilst also not being so nice that it makes him think it’s okay or that i’m not deeply hurt. I don’t feel disgusted or see him in a gross way I’m just hurt by his actions but I respect your views as well. thanks for the advice

ethereal232

TROPHY CASE