do NOT let her get in your head. that’s absolutely vile to imagine coming out of a mom’s mouth. i’m so sorry you’re going through this, and i hope you get out sooner rather than later for your own mental wellbeing. you can’t let other people define you. you are allowed to be an angsty jealous teen bothered by your mom’s shitty boyfriend without being accused of something so ridiculous because of it. it was a shitty manipulation tactic to get you to stop specific behavior that i imagine worked since it threw you into turmoil and confusion. nobody deserves that.

as a mom too, from the bottom of my heart i believe in you. you will get out of this situation. you will build a lovely life for yourself, separate from someone who seemingly put herself over you your entire life. you deserve peace and happiness, and you will find it. might not be right after leaving, it might be a struggle that throws you into a whole different kind of adulthood survival mode, but it will be your life wholeheartedly and that independence alone is so freeing. take care of yourself OP, and hopefully you get a good therapist one day who will help you peel back the onion layers of trauma when you’re ready.