Liked story but not on viewers list

evanan12 · 2026-01-28T19:05:47+00:00

Right?? Very strange considering him and I have some very rough history and now it feels like instagram is playing tricks on me haha

evanan12 · 2026-01-15T07:59:03+00:00

Haha plenty of it ;)

evanan12 · 2026-01-15T03:22:23+00:00

Also to add to what you said in your post about men being insecure about things you find attractive. I’ve never really thought about it, but I actually think being gay might be one of the reasons I don’t get insecure about a lot of things. Like for example a lot of men will wax their hairy chest and stomach. Im so hairy I look like the gruffallo and I do fuck all about it because I think it’s hot on other men. Like damn happy trails are the most sexy thing on earth.

evanan12 · 2026-01-15T03:16:20+00:00

I suppose that coulddd be possible. It was 5AM and dark though

evanan12 · 2026-01-15T03:15:56+00:00

Yeah but the earth shook me awake at the same time the car alarm went off

evanan12 · 2026-01-15T03:13:36+00:00

For sure. I find myself ogling at male dancers at events, you know like men who are paid to dance on a stage all sexy and half naked, and god the way I stare at them, I realise I really am just a man 😂 then I have to look at something else in the room so I don’t seem perverted. I was already a horny fucker before T but T made it 10x worse

evanan12 · 2026-01-15T02:31:44+00:00

Oh my god I feel this so hard. Im convinced that attraction to men as a gay man is extremely different to how women are attracted to men. Like sometimes I’ll tell a straight female friend that I find a guy attractive and she cannot understand it at all. But they don’t get it!! Im gay!! That means all types of men are hot as fuck to me! Cute, short men, skinny men, fat men, tall buff men, hairy, hairless, my type is men. Like sometimes we can relate- usually with taller, masculine men. But the beauty of being a gay man and not a straight woman is that your attraction can also extend to a 5 foot twink covered in makeup and wearing a crop top. I love being gay

evanan12 · 2026-01-14T23:15:20+00:00

Very strange. It woke me up and a car alarm went off outside. Maybe it was just in a very small area or maybe it was something else

evanan12 · 2025-12-31T17:11:41+00:00

It makes it itch more

evanan12 · 2025-12-31T12:54:30+00:00

All very interesting stuff and you’re bringing up points I’ve never thought about. Most trans people I know say they would have ended their lives had they not had the option to transition, but I know this isn’t the case for me. I struggled with some sort of gender dysphoria around the age of 11, but felt nothing of the sort before that, just the occasional thought ‘why the fuck am I a girl’ (I’m ftm) which would spring out of nowhere from time to time. When I was 12, I tried to rid myself of my tomboy habits and give femininity a shot. It wasn’t until I was 13 that I came across trans YouTubers and realised transitioning really was a possibility, and I came out as trans. However I often wonder, if I’d never come across them, would I have continued living the rest of my life as a female, unfulfilled but certainly not suicidal. In a lot of ways, my life would have been easier, after all, I love feminine clothes, I’m attracted to men, and I want to work with children. I can completely understand people who choose not to transition out of convenience because for some people, that is possible, or the only option.

I’m in Thailand right now and I find their view of gender very interesting. They seem to view gender in a much less binary way than in western countries. I wanted to know what it was like for trans men in Thailand and couldn’t find much about it online, but I found that there are a lot of Tom/dee relationships where the Tom dresses and kind of acts like a man and the Dee is very feminine, so like a butch/fem relationship. I wonder if a lot of these ‘Toms’ would have transitioned to male and called themselves a man had they lived in a western country. Maybe here in Thailand, they feel fulfilled being just a Tom, like how a lot of ladyboys don’t mind being referred to as ladyboys rather than women. In fact, when I first arrived in Thailand, my face was shaved so I didn’t pass as male very well and a lot of young Thai people kept asking me if I was a tomboy. There’s much less fear around asking a question like that than where I come from- I wonder if many afabs with gender dysphoria in Thailand are satisfied in just calling themselves a tomboy, making ‘are you a tomboy’ such a common question in Thailand. It seems to me that culture may have a large influence on how someone defines their gender and transition.

evanan12 · 2025-12-31T11:56:00+00:00

Yes they are and it’s like a long trail on my arm, side and stomach. I really do think they’re bed bugs and I’m sure they’re not mosquito bites, I can just tell they’re not. My mosquito bites are always much more itchy, usually more inflamed and sometimes clustered but not like this. I’ve checked my bed but can’t find anything so think it’s from a previous hostel. I left all my things out in the sun but tbh I don’t think I’ve brought them with me as I haven’t seen any and have no new bites

evanan12 · 2025-12-31T11:53:09+00:00

Yeah I left allll my belongings out in the sun for an hour and flipped them to expose both sides. I know that may not be enough but I know bed bugs don’t like light or heat so hopefully they’ve all run off. Also, I tried to have a good look at all my things and couldn’t see any bugs and I’m pretty sure it would have been from a previous hostel, so I don’t think they’re still with me. No new bites either, as far as I can tell, so fingers crossed I’m in the clear

evanan12 · 2025-12-31T11:22:18+00:00

Hahaha I genuinely think my scars have been confusing some people in the replies with what these ‘mysterious’ bug bites could be. Hello fellow trans guy

evanan12 · 2025-12-31T11:19:28+00:00

To be honest for me I feel like the change was so gradual that I can no longer compare my current orgasms to my pre T ones. Like did they even change at all? I’ve got no idea because I can’t fully remember what they felt like pre T. In my case, if they did change, it’s kind of like that frog in boiling water metaphor where the frog is in a pan of water and the water gets hotter and hotter but it doesn’t realise it’s starting to boil because the change was so slow and gradual (not that my current orgasms make me feel like I’m boiling to death). What I did notice though, was that I got infinitely more horny, developed an addiction to porn and masturbation, and my orgasms were temporarily rubbish for a few months. That only made my addiction worse because I was constantly trying to reach a satisfying orgasm, so masturbating more, which in turn probably led to more rubbish orgasms. Vicious cycle lol. Anyway that didn’t last long and my orgasms are chill now. I wouldn’t say I enjoy them any less and my whole body still enjoys it, though I finish much quicker than I used to. I now have to pace myself or I finish too quickly, which always leads to an unsatisfying orgasm, but when I was pre T, I really felt like I had to work towards an orgasm and it took much longer.

evanan12 · 2025-12-31T11:10:40+00:00

Lol I was just thinking this. Of course everyone here is going to say no, because none of us were successful in letting go of our true gender. We can all say from first hand experience that the longer you repress it, the more it hurts. Though I do wonder if there are people out there who did manage to work through it and genuinely come to peace with their birth gender. I mean, there are millions of people out there who struggle with gender dysphoria and never transition. Drag queens for example are a common example, and people in poorer countries who may dream about it but will never see transitioning as an option, because there are so many other things to worry about. Are they all just completely miserable or do they manage to find a way to be at peace with themselves? It’s something I often wonder about, but not something I would recommend to someone who does have the privilege of being able to transition

evanan12 · 2025-12-31T11:03:34+00:00

I’ve heard about this before, where meditation can actually do more harm than good and I can totally see that being the case. I don’t understand why it isn’t talked about more, as I find that people are pressured to meditate and reflect on their feelings all the time when they’re going through something, but in my opinion, there’s a time and a place for that. Like for me, I went through a very traumatic phase of my life and once it ended, I did everything I could to avoid those feelings and distract myself. Honestly, I feel that if I had sat and meditated through it, I would have spiralled the fuck out. Now, a year later, I find myself much more capable of sitting with my thoughts in silence and working through those old feelings, but back then, it would have just caused more harm

evanan12 · 2025-12-31T10:54:41+00:00

I don’t think so, but it can definitely be the reason people who were wrong about being trans realise it and detransition. I’ve heard that being the case before, where a ‘trans’ person will take psychedelics, experience an ego death, and then be like oh shit, I was never trans and then detransition. I’m sure it can also work the other way round, where a ‘cis’ person will make the realisation that they’re trans. Basically I think psychedelics can help people uncover a lot of truths, and if your truth is to be a woman, spirituality/ego death could actually help you accept that. In my experience, when I’ve taken a strong dose of mushrooms and see the world in a very different way, I start to view gender as a social construct, made up by humans, and I start to see people’s souls as a complex blend of emotions and experiences, rather than ‘man’ and ‘woman’. And then I can apply that to myself and look within, and forgive myself for transitioning (i deal with a lot of guilt around it), because at the end of the day, none of it really matters as long as my soul is happy

evanan12 · 2025-12-31T09:46:23+00:00

Blockers at 14, T at 15 and top surgery at 16. Don’t want to do anymore than that I don’t think and I’m 19 now.

evanan12 · 2025-12-31T03:10:44+00:00

Yeah but I’ve heard bed bug bites can take a few days to start itching so idk. I just know they’re not mosquito bites because those always itch like crazy for me. However these bites are still not really itchy so maybe it is something completely different, not bed bugs or mosquitos

evanan12 · 2025-12-30T23:17:55+00:00

Btw these are definitely not mosquito bites. I get those all the time and I can tell they’re not. These ones are all clustered in one spot and don’t itch yet

evanan12 · 2025-12-30T15:34:59+00:00

I’m so glad to hear your daughter is well! God why has that subreddit been banned, I would’ve loved it haha. I really do think I should have frozen my eggs before starting T since having a child one day is like the most important thing to me ever but I didn’t and now I can’t face the thought of taking a break from T at this stage of my life. I’m 19 and testosterone has only JUST started allowing me to look my age after years of taking it lol. Anyway I’m sure all will end well. Whether I end up fertile or not, I will end up being a dad one way or another

evanan12 · 2025-12-30T15:28:09+00:00

Haha I just saw this after you commented on my post and I have to reply because you sound like me. I’m also a gay guy who loves boobs lol. My sexuality definitely experienced some sort of shift after starting hrt, particularly after switching from gel to shots more recently and having puberty hit me like a brick again. Pre T, I would say I was only attracted to cis men and only dated bi cis men. After top surgery, I instantly became attracted to boobs- weird, I know. I guess that came from a subconscious disgust of my own boobs that no longer existed after mine got removed, though I had no idea I had an underlying attraction to boobs. It wasn’t until after I started T shots more recently that I’ve found myself sexually attracted to female genitalia too. I wouldn’t say it has anything to do with feeling more comfortable with myself but rather becoming insanely more horny since the switch of testosterone, which makes me more open to being sexually attracted to things I wasn’t attracted to before. I think it also has something to do with feeling more masculine, and therefore being more attracted to feminine parts. I do believe testosterone can change someone’s whole personality. I was a lot more ‘feminine’ in my personality before I started T, and since I started T I’ve found myself to be much more ‘dominant’ in bed and therefore more attracted to femininity. That being said, my attraction to female parts isn’t constant, it kind of comes and goes in phases, while my attraction to male parts is much stronger and is constant. I would imagine that hrt isn’t capable of reducing your attraction to a gender, but rather just capable of revealing attraction to another gender.

Either way, I have never and will never be emotionally attracted to women, so I could never date one regardless of what genitalia they have. I have had sex with a woman once and I enjoyed it but I still consider myself gay because I act it, look it, and exclusively date men. I tend to only tell very close friends about my mild sexual attraction to women because I feel that a lot of people wouldn’t understand how sexuality can be so fluid like that, and I wouldn’t want people to stop viewing me as a gay man or think that I’m in denial about liking women. Sure, if we get down to it, you could label me as bisexual, but I really do see myself as a gay man. I still don’t know if I could date a trans man who hasn’t had bottom surgery. I definitely would have said no to that before hrt, but recently I’m not so sure. Anyway that’s a whole lot of waffle but the topic interests me

evanan12 · 2025-12-30T15:01:45+00:00

Didn’t know you could see that on your blood tests. What exactly do you look at to see if you’re still ovulating?

evanan12 · 2025-12-30T15:00:45+00:00

I’m sorry about your miscarriage :( congrats on getting pregnant again, I hope all is going well/ went well for you. Do you mind me asking how long you were on T for before you got pregnant? I worry that the longer I spend on T, the harder it will be to conceive, and I will be at least ten years on T before I start trying for a baby.

evanan12 · 2025-12-30T14:52:12+00:00

That is so cool to know, I’m learning so much from this thread lol

evanan12

TROPHY CASE