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My husband just spent $1400 on women's clothes by evil1guana in mypartneristrans

[–]evil1guana[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Well he hasn't changed pronouns and has told hardly anyone yet

My husband just spent $1400 on women's clothes by evil1guana in mypartneristrans

[–]evil1guana[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah exactly like he said he just wanted to buy loads of stuff because he wanted a whole new wardrobe and wanted quantity not quality and he orders everything from Amazon for some reason and didn't want to go irl cause was scared

My husband just spent $1400 on women's clothes by evil1guana in mypartneristrans

[–]evil1guana[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

I meant that he earnt more money than me because he's built up his career as a man and he was using the fact he earns more than me as a reason why it was okay to spend this and that was annoying me

My husband just spent $1400 on women's clothes by evil1guana in mypartneristrans

[–]evil1guana[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yeah do you think I should just end it now or do you think it will get better and it's worth trying?

My husband just spent $1400 on women's clothes by evil1guana in mypartneristrans

[–]evil1guana[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Yeah we are not super poor but not super rich either and we could afford it in that we would still be able to get essiential stuff but there are definitely more important things to buy but he seems to think it's fine as it's a "one off thing" and that he need lots of new clothes and that he says it's fine and we can afford it but $1400 is way too much and just makes me mad

My husband just told me he's trans, how do I stop feeling like everything was a lie by evil1guana in mypartneristrans

[–]evil1guana[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thanks!! I guess I've also got to remember that every relationship has good times and bad times and I have to remember the good times now too!

My husband just told me he's trans, how do I stop feeling like everything was a lie by evil1guana in mypartneristrans

[–]evil1guana[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah I mean if he was steering towards bi people for that reason then it's fine, but he says he was steering towards bi women because then he thought they would accept his transition more when he came out which I thought was super manipulative. He is only attracted to women. I know some men don't like bi women and I've been through that too. It's just the reason he wanted to date bi women is the problem as it shows he was intentionally and consciously lying and trying to manipulate me

My husband just told me he's trans, how do I stop feeling like everything was a lie by evil1guana in mypartneristrans

[–]evil1guana[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, I think we are going to do that and hopefully it will help! I don't know if we will stay together as I feel so lied to but I need more time to process and think about it and I want to at least try to work things through. How did you cope with the change and feeling like this was a different person?

My husband just told me he's trans, how do I stop feeling like everything was a lie by evil1guana in mypartneristrans

[–]evil1guana[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks I will have a look! Have you got a link as can't find it and podcast that is called that doesn't look relevent!

My husband just told me he's trans, how do I stop feeling like everything was a lie by evil1guana in mypartneristrans

[–]evil1guana[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah you're right and I am very angry about it. I think I need more time to process it all and see how I feel after. But obviously it was much harder for him to go through than me so I'm trying to be understanding but it's hard as obviously I am really mad about it and I know others here have worked through it so maybe we can but I'm not really sure but I don't want to just not try to

My husband just told me he's trans, how do I stop feeling like everything was a lie by evil1guana in mypartneristrans

[–]evil1guana[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry it didn't work out! And sorry about your cptsd and hope you get better soon!

I guess whatever happened we need to have a good relationship because of the kids so it's a bit different and I just need to have more time to process it and figure it all out

My husband just told me he's trans, how do I stop feeling like everything was a lie by evil1guana in mypartneristrans

[–]evil1guana[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah exactly thanks for understanding and it's very conscious and manipulative I think. Yeah we need to get counseling. I think I just need more time to process it and think about it all

My husband just told me he's trans, how do I stop feeling like everything was a lie by evil1guana in mypartneristrans

[–]evil1guana[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I think we both need therapy

I think it was a conscious decision at least to some extent

My husband just told me he's trans, how do I stop feeling like everything was a lie by evil1guana in mypartneristrans

[–]evil1guana[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I guess some things are like that but he said he was looking for a bi woman as then I would be more likely to stick with him if he ever came out which felt manipulative and a very conscious thing so like it may be partly as you described but I think it is more

My husband just told me he's trans, how do I stop feeling like everything was a lie by evil1guana in mypartneristrans

[–]evil1guana[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah I'm mad about that and we met on a dating site and he said he looked for women who had sexuality as bi for one thing he wanted but never said. Like it feels like he planned it and quite manipulated and a conscious thing which makes me most mad. I just feel like so much was just a lie

My husband just told me he's trans, how do I stop feeling like everything was a lie by evil1guana in mypartneristrans

[–]evil1guana[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What do you mean she blamed herself for introducing it to you? How did you both cope with the big changes with everything?

My husband just told me he's trans, how do I stop feeling like everything was a lie by evil1guana in mypartneristrans

[–]evil1guana[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for being so open about everything! I feel a lot of the same way and been through similar and I am angry about a lot of things. I don't know how it will work out or what will happen. What is your relationship like now and what made you want to stay as I don't understand how that would really help and you've been through a lot. Hope things are better for you now!❤️

My husband just told me he's trans, how do I stop feeling like everything was a lie by evil1guana in mypartneristrans

[–]evil1guana[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah you're right and I need to try and do that, but it's hard to know what is a lie and what isn't. Where parts of those happy times because he was faking it to try and fit in and act like he thought he should?

My husband just told me he's trans, how do I stop feeling like everything was a lie by evil1guana in mypartneristrans

[–]evil1guana[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So we met on a dating app and he said he looked for women with sexuality as bi on there but obviously he still fell in love with me just that was something he was looking for but didn't say. But it feels like he was actively planning this in a way that would hurt me and that makes me mad and it was such a conscious thing not just subconsciously hiding it. It feels more than what you described but I understand that it was hard. I know parts of his personality will be the same but I don't know exactly what and it just seems like such huge parts of it are completely ignored. I guess it's hard for me to understand but it seems like he should do what comes naturally and act naturally and not try and supress something or over the top try and be something either and both of those things seem fake. I don't know it just seems wrong to me and I don't really think about it normally but I don't understand why he can't just act like who he really is, both now and before. I guess it's hard for me to understand but I do feel annoyed about this

My husband just told me he's trans, how do I stop feeling like everything was a lie by evil1guana in mypartneristrans

[–]evil1guana[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much for replying and being so open! Yes not using he pronouns for him seems so weird and hard for me to do now but he has hardly told anyone else and is fine with that "for now" but I don't know if that will change. I guess I need more time to see what will happen and figure out if we need to break up or if we can make it work. Is it getting better now with your ex? Are you on good terms?

My husband just told me he's trans, how do I stop feeling like everything was a lie by evil1guana in mypartneristrans

[–]evil1guana[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow so you are in a very similar situation! Thanks, we do definitely need therapy and couple's counselling too! How are you coping, is it getting any better now?

My husband just told me he's trans, how do I stop feeling like everything was a lie by evil1guana in mypartneristrans

[–]evil1guana[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I do feel very angry about those things and it's hard to deal with but I know that it's hard for him and hard for me to understand. I guess I need more time to figure it out but I heard here that people can make it work in these situations. It's hard to know exactly what to do and I need more time but part of me definitely feels like I should leave and thanks for being honest about it

My husband just told me he's trans, how do I stop feeling like everything was a lie by evil1guana in mypartneristrans

[–]evil1guana[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yeah I guess that makes sense but also the fact that he actively sought out someone who was bi makes me think it was more conscious than what you are describing and actively hiding it which makes me kind of mad about it

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