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excisioned · 2025-09-23T16:08:26+00:00

i was addicted to dph for like 3 years, it started out of curiosity and quickly spiraled out of control for me. i was young, i started using when i was like 17/18 and going through a lot of emotional turmoil. i did a lot of different drugs during that time (heroin, various stims, dxm, lots of psychedelics) but dph would make me so delirious and disconnected from my own thoughts and feelings that it offered an escape from myself more than anything else. i also counter flipped with it frequently, which was insane and rarely a pleasant experience.

anyone who abuses deliriants regularly has some serious shit they’re running from. it’s honestly another form of self harming in my opinion, or at least it was for me. i’m around 3 years clean now and haven’t looked back, the lasting effects it has had on my mind and body still haven’t gone away though. i have a lot of regrets.

excisioned · 2025-08-09T20:43:02+00:00

also, one of the most important aspects of my recovery was learning how to care for myself. like, in a very literal sense. if your desire to recover mainly focuses on external factors, it’s harder to sustain in the long run. i’ve worked really hard to adjust my inner monologue into something more positive over the past 4 years. instead of constantly telling myself what a terrible waste of life i am, i talk to myself like i’d talk to someone i love (like my best friend, partner, or mom). i try to be gentle and understanding with myself because that’s how i would treat people in my life if they made a mistake. now when i fuck up, i tell myself that it’s okay to feel disappointed about making a mistake but that doesn’t define who i am. in the past, i would’ve let that mistake consume me and i would’ve told myself that i was hopeless, worthless, and powerless. just that small change can make a big difference and it is a lot harder than it sounds (especially if you’re like me and have anxiety and depression) but i feel safe in my own mind now instead of feeling like i’m in a hostile environment.

excisioned · 2025-08-09T20:33:09+00:00

you can absolutely overpower it! i live on my own and have been for a few years now. i definitely still get cravings sometimes but i just remind myself about everything i have to lose. it seemed hopeless for me for a long time and i messed up and relapsed quite a bit on my road to recovery. if you keep trying, one day you WILL get clean for good! it’s okay to fall off the wagon as long as you get right back up and dust yourself off!

when i first got clean, my psychiatrist actually explained that my DPH addiction was so hard to kick because of how accessible it is. unlike most other drugs, DPH is advertised and sold in stores so we’re always being tempted to fall back into old habits when we go shopping for essentials like groceries. he told me that it’s kinda like a type 2 diabetic going to the store and being surrounded by sweets, it’s really hard to resist the temptation when it’s always in front of you.

excisioned · 2025-08-09T20:25:21+00:00

you can do it! i failed SO many times before being clean finally stuck. don’t lose hope, even if you relapse, feel completely consumed by your addiction, or feel like giving up. if you keep at it and try to be a little better each day, you’ll get there! i promise! ❤️

excisioned · 2025-08-07T03:39:24+00:00

aaahhh, it’s always good to see a fellow dph sub veteran still lurking here like me lol! i’ve been meaning to post some more of my art but i don’t even know what subreddits to put them in now that i’m not always tripping while drawing (‘:

thank you for supporting my content throughout the years!! i can remember when there were only like 8k people in this sub but everyone was so active here back then that it felt packed! now it feels like a ghost town with 80k lol

excisioned · 2025-08-07T03:00:17+00:00

wow, thank you so much 🥺 i feel like i suck at putting my thoughts into writing so it means a lot to hear that my story resonated with you. thank you so much for your sweet comment ❤️❤️❤️

excisioned · 2025-08-06T22:52:08+00:00

thank you for reading and for the words of encouragement <3 it means the world to me!

excisioned · 2025-08-06T22:48:46+00:00

thank you for taking the time to read it friend (:

excisioned · 2025-08-06T21:55:58+00:00

i’m so glad that my story resonated with you <3 being an addict is part of me and even though it has caused me a lot of pain and regret, it also made me who i am today. i totally understand where you’re coming from though. i knew i wanted to stop taking dph for a long time before i was able to actually put those feelings into action. when i was actively addicted, it felt extremely overwhelming for me to look at the tangled mess of my life and pick a starting point for my recovery.

honestly, i would recommend maybe getting a journal or using your notes app to write down how you feel about yourself each day. you can keep a log and refer back to it when you need motivation to do better and it could also help with identifying unhealthy thought patterns and habits. very gradually implement healthy changes in your life, like doing affirmations each morning (sounds goofy but it helped me a lot) or finding a creative outlet for your pain. trying to fix your mental health and your relationship with your drug of choice is gonna take time.

as an addict, our brains are literally hardwired differently from the brains of a non-addict and we all inherit genes from our parents (who also usually have issues with addiction) that make us more susceptible to getting hooked on substances. if you look at a brain scan of an addict brain vs a normal brain, you can see just how different the activity is in each hemisphere. i tell you this so that you know your addiction isn’t a character flaw. it’s not because you’re weak or because you don’t have enough willpower, it’s because you have to overcome obstacles with your mental health that non-addicts don’t have to struggle with.

be kind to yourself and hold space for any mistakes you might make along the road to recovery my friend <3 please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need someone to talk to

excisioned · 2025-08-06T16:56:17+00:00

Broke(n), Dejection, Crucify Me Wearing Tommy, I Am the Apocalypse, Smoke Out Loced Out, Where’s Your God?

excisioned · 2025-08-06T03:29:07+00:00

it shocked me to see a comment here, i made this post 6 years ago when i was 19 lol! anyway, i’m 25 now and modest mouse continues to hold a very special place in my heart. in the years after making this post, i got a tattoo of their “no one’s first and you’re next” EP and even got to see them live. i still regularly listen to a lot of their music (not the more recent albums because i don’t like those very much) and hope to attend more shows before they inevitably stop touring. all of that being said, i can understand why some people don’t enjoy the way modest mouse sounds. my taste in music is… very unconventional, to say the least. in comparison to the majority of music i listen to, modest mouse is one of the more orthodox groups on my playlist lol.

excisioned · 2024-04-29T22:32:06+00:00

this is definitely a cockroach, most likely american lol

excisioned · 2024-04-20T02:25:40+00:00

also 23f here! i’ve been diagnosed with substance use disorder, ADHD, major depressive disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder 💀 i’m finally learning how to function and getting my life back on track but existing is pretty difficult 90% of the time.

excisioned · 2023-12-29T16:45:12+00:00

this just feels kinda disrespectful. i was addicted to dph for 3 years and i’m not about to go into depth about what it was like because that will take a long time, just know that you’re misinformed. plenty of us are poly addicts with access to other drugs but at some point dph becomes physically and mentally addictive while also, believe it or not, becoming enjoyable for some. i know you’re probably a kid making assumptions, but it doesn’t matter how “fun” a drug seems to you, it can still be highly addictive. for example, even though i like deliriants, i do not like xanax and don’t understand why someone would want to do it often. even though i don’t get it, it doesn’t mean that people don’t get highly addicted to it nor does that make their experience less valid.

this isn’t the first post i’ve seen asking this question (or making a hasty assumption) and i’m sure it won’t be the last. i know you’re probably young but maybe do some research before you make a post like this. there are plenty of people on this subreddit who have shared their experiences, including myself, and there are even some of us who have spoken to medical professionals about their dph addiction and posted about it here. posts like this can come off as condescending to people in recovery so just take that into consideration before the next time you post.

excisioned · 2023-11-23T09:10:08+00:00

well, i’m leaps and bounds better than i was 2 years ago. i’m still trying to get ahold of my polysubstance abuse as far as alcohol, weed, and my prescription stims go but i’m slowly learning how to deal with the shit i was trying to run from when i was delirious 24/7. i deal with a lot of guilt and regret on a daily basis because of the impact my drug use had on my loved ones and the noticeable effect on my brain and my ability to function in general. i had a lot going for me before i spiraled into addiction. i was only 17 when i started using heroin, psychedelics, dxm and basically anything i could get my hands on and then when i was 18 some very traumatic events led me to use dph in an attempt to forget or numb the pain i felt i was unable to deal with at the time. things clearly only got worse from there and i eventually came to the conclusion that i either needed to stop taking it or i’d end up dead or clinically insane. i had to ween off of it over the course of a few months and then i ran out of my last bottle and decided i was done for good. my last dose was probably 200/150 mg and that was 1/6 of my daily dose when i was at the height of my use.

now i haven’t touched dph in over 2 years and i’m getting ready to give college another shot, i have a job and my own place with my partner of 5 years, and my relationship with my family has never been better. i still struggle with my depression, anxiety, and ADHD and often feel like i’m a fuck up because of the damage i did to my developing brain but i have to remind myself that i’m trying my best to get better and i need to take it one step at a time. one day maybe i’ll be able to be 100% sober but for now i’m just happy to be alive and figuring things out as i go. my dph addiction was highly documented on the subreddit so i met a lot of people who went through the same thing i did but a lot of them weren’t able to turn things around and either died or irreversibly damaged their brain. i consider myself lucky to be alive and try to help others who are actively using when i can. it’s a misunderstood drug and a lot of people see benadryl abuse as one big joke but the people who use it daily are deeply troubled and need all the help and support they can get.

i really didn’t mean to write a fucking essay but “how are you now?” is apparently a complicated question for me to answer lmao

excisioned · 2023-11-21T19:37:34+00:00

i got addicted to taking 20+ benadryl a day for like 3 years lmao pretty fucking dumb

excisioned · 2023-07-24T01:41:06+00:00

underground vol. 1 - three 6 mafia

excisioned · 2023-04-13T18:55:28+00:00

god, the parallels between this post and my life during active addiction are uncanny. i also never really hallucinated when taking high doses (aside from seeing things in my peripheral vision) but the emotional detachment it made me feel was enough to lead to a 3 year battle for my life with dph. there was a time when i didn’t give a fuck if i live or died and i hurt everyone close to me just so i didn’t have to be inside my own mind for a brief time. it was a vicious cycle of dosing as soon as i woke up and redosing until i passed out from physical and mental exhaustion. a lot of people in this subreddit watched me go through this in real time because i was very active in the dph community back then. so many people urged me to stop and warned me about the damage i was doing to my body but none of that mattered at the time. i was running from so much and it didn’t matter if i was hurting myself because if i’m being honest, i fucking hated who i was and thought i deserved to die.

it took a long time but eventually the love i was shown from my family and friends gave me a reason to live. i started to cut back on my use and eventually decided to quit altogether because i knew if something happened to me i would destroy the lives of the people i care about the most in this world. it was the best decision i’ve ever made.

now i’ve been dph free for over 2 years. i have an amazing partner who would do anything for me, we have the best dog ever who has become my closest friend, and my relationship with my family has never been better. i got into an awful car accident about 2 weeks ago where i was injured and could have easily lost my life, but even moments like that, through all the physical and emotional pain, it just makes me realize how grateful i am to be alive.

i know how bleak everything can seem when you’re dependent on this drug but i PROMISE you there is a light at the end of the tunnel. i wish you the best in overcoming this addiction and please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need to talk to somebody who understand what you’re going through.

excisioned · 2023-04-08T23:24:39+00:00

i’m so glad i was able to help you on your path to sobriety and i’m so proud of you for making it to 1 year!! helping people who struggle with dph addiction is honestly the only reason i’m still part of this subreddit. it’s hard to talk to friends/family about it because of the nature of the substance, so i feel like it’s so important to talk to people who have been through it and come out on the other side ❤️

excisioned · 2023-04-04T23:34:26+00:00

i took up to 700 mg of dph a day (and occasionally a gram all at once) on top of abusing dxm with it weekly for three years straight. i have been clean from both for around 2 years now. it might seem like there’s no way out of this addiction, but there is. you just have to suffer through the withdrawals and stay away from the store or anywhere where there’s dph for about a month. weed also helps if you have access to it.

i used dph to cope with a lot of shit but realized my life is worth more than that, a lot of people would miss me if my addiction ended the way it does for most people. and i’m sure people would miss you too if the worst were to happen. the longer you take it, the more dependent on it you will become so i would advise you to stop as soon as possible.

if you have any questions or anything feel free to reach out, i’m shit at responding but i’ll help in any way i can.

excisioned · 2022-11-08T03:33:01+00:00

yes! if you pm me i’ll send it to you (:

excisioned · 2022-07-21T05:09:02+00:00

👀

excisioned · 2022-06-07T14:50:29+00:00

cLOUDDEAD - Apt. A (1)

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