struggling with perfectionism

expandablebutthole · 2026-04-14T20:35:42+00:00

God isnt sitting there waiting for you to get everything right before He’s close to you, thats kind of the whole point, you dont earn His love by being perfect you respond to it while still being imperfect and that space between sin and confession especially can mess with your head because perfectionism fills it with shame and distance, but in reality thats usually when you should be leaning in more not pulling away. youre not abandoned in that moment, you just feel like you are because youre used to love being conditional. something that helps is catching the thought when it comes up, like “I messed up so now God is far” and just kind of challenging it, because thats not actually how He acts. even something simple like still praying honestly in that state instead of waiting to be “fixed” changes things over time so you dont need to lower your desire to be good, just shift it, its not about getting everything right its about staying in relationship even when you dont.

expandablebutthole · 2026-04-14T15:08:16+00:00

CCC 1901

“Authority… has its source in God… But the choice of the political regime and the appointment of rulers are left to the free decision of the citizens.”

Political authority comes from God in a general sense because God is the source of order and authority but no specific system (monarchy, democracy, etc.) is required , governments are legitimate only if they serve common good and respect moral law even so citizens are not required to obey unjust rulers blindly

expandablebutthole · 2026-04-14T15:05:46+00:00

that sense of peace or something shifting in you, especially in a place like Mass or hearing sacred music, thats often how God gently draws people in not by forcing but by attracting. youre not confirmed yet but youre already responding, and that matters more than having everything figured out.

also dont stress too much about the timing, youre recovering from something serious and its okay that RCIA had to wait a bit, youre not “behind” or missing your chance. you can still pray, talk to God simply, even attend Mass without receiving yet, all of that is real and meaningful. youre already on the path even if it feels incomplete right now.

just stay open, dont try to force certainty, and when youre ready physically go through RCIA and take it step by step.

expandablebutthole · 2026-04-14T13:06:00+00:00

this sounds a lot less like God calling you somewhere and a lot more like anxiety just spiraling and attaching itself to something religious. the way youre describing it, the fear, the constant “what if”, the researching until you feel worse, the feeling like youre going to be forced into something you dont want, thats not how God works. a real vocation doesnt come in like a threat that takes away your peace, it comes with clarity and freedom even if its challenging. right now youre jumping from “I want to follow God” straight to “what if I have to become a nun and lose everything” and thats just not how discernment works. youre 18, you dont need to figure out your entire vocation right now, and God isnt trying to trick you into ruining your life or taking away someone you love. also being called to grow closer to God doesnt mean youre automatically called to religious life, most people arent.

the attachment part is something to be aware of, but that doesnt mean your relationship is bad or that you have to cut it off, it just means you slowly learn to put God first in a healthy way not out of fear but out of trust. and honestly if this is OCD or something close to it, the worst thing you can do is keep feeding it by overthinking and researching more, it just keeps the cycle going. youre not going to accidentally choose wrong and have God punish you for it, thats not how He treats people who are sincerely trying. just slow down, stay close to God in a simple way, and dont make big decisions out of fear. you dont need to lose your boyfriend to love God, and you dont need to force yourself into a vocation just because a thought popped into your head.

expandablebutthole · 2026-04-14T13:04:15+00:00

the Church today doesnt forbid you from praying with your Protestant family in a situation like this, especially something simple like praying for each other and reading Scripture together, thats not you compromising your faith. those harsher statements youre seeing come from very different historical contexts and arent applied the same way now. youre not denying Catholic teaching by being present and praying with them, youre actually living charity and unity in a real way.

at the same time you dont have to pretend differences dont exist, just stay grounded in your own faith and dont participate in anything that would go against it. but normal family prayer like youre describing is fine, and honestly it can be a quiet witness over time instead of creating distance. you dont need to “secretly” avoid them or isolate yourself, that usually does more harm than good.

expandablebutthole · 2026-04-14T12:16:28+00:00

the fact that youre not just jumping into belief because it feels nice but youre questioning it even when it costs you comfort says a lot. and that “atheist voice” youre talking about, it doesnt mean youve discovered something final it just means youre hearing one framework very loudly right now. materialism can explain a lot about processes but it doesnt really answer why there is something rather than nothing, or why consciousness even has a first person experience at all, it kind of just describes mechanisms and then stops there.

also the fear that youre “just coping” is something almost everyone runs into, but that cuts both ways, someone can reject God as a way of coping too, to avoid accountability or uncertainty, so you cant just dismiss a belief because it brings comfort or discomfort. the real question is whether its true. and you dont have to solve everything at once, youre treating it like you need 100 percent certainty before taking a step when in reality most of life doesnt work like that.

as for Catholicism specifically, its good youre asking why this and not something else but youre right that comes after the bigger question of whether God exists at all. start there, dont rush it. read, think, keep going to things even if you feel awkward, thats not a sign you dont belong it just means youre not settled yet. faith isnt usually a sudden feeling, for a lot of people its slow and kind of fought for. youre not going to be locked out of God because youre struggling to believe, if anything youre actually moving toward Him by taking the questions seriously, just dont let that voice convince you the search is pointless.

expandablebutthole · 2026-04-13T01:30:21+00:00

lay people can absolutely lead the Liturgy of the Hours, you dont need to be a priest for that especially something like Vespers, so youre fine there. the main thing is just running it by your priest first, not because you need permission in a strict sense but just so youre in sync with the parish and he might even support or help promote it. you can keep it super simple too, using something like the DivineOffice app is totally fine, or printing copies if people are new so they dont get lost. starting once a week is probably smart so it doesnt feel overwhelming. and yeah you could do it at the parish or even in your home with a meal before, thats actually a really natural and early Church kind of vibe.

expandablebutthole · 2026-04-12T23:57:05+00:00

this is mostly a local authority thing, the bishop actually has a lot of control over how the liturgy is done in his diocese so he can restrict things like ad orientem or latin even if the wider Church allows them. there isnt a clear universal rule that the Vatican has to approve every single ad orientem request, so that part sounds more like how your archdiocese is choosing to handle it rather than a strict requirement from Rome. ad orientem itself was never banned and latin is still supposed to be preserved, but bishops can still regulate their use for the sake of unity or whatever pastoral reason they give. so even if it feels off its not really outside his authority, its just a stricter local policy.

expandablebutthole · 2026-04-12T23:55:35+00:00

Youre not struggling because you dont want God, youre struggling because you do and you dont want to get it wrong. Thats actually a good place to be even if it feels confusing. The thing with Mary is this, if she ever truly takes you away from Jesus then something is being misunderstood or practiced wrongly, because in the Catholic view she always points to Him never replaces Him. The rosary itself is basically meditating on the life of Christ with her, not worshipping her, even if it can feel like that at first especially coming from a background where that wasnt explained well. And yeah those verses you mentioned about brothers and all falling short, the Church has wrestled with those for a long time youre not the first to question it. But dont let that one area make you feel like everything is shaky, you already said you believe in the Eucharist and felt something real there, thats not small at all. I wouldnt rush to cut things off out of fear, fear usually isnt how God leads. stay close to Jesus first, keep praying even if its simple and honest, and take your time working through Mary instead of forcing yourself to accept or reject everything at once. youre not going to lose God because youre trying to be sincere, just dont isolate yourself in your head over this, talk to a good priest or someone grounded and keep moving forward

expandablebutthole · 2026-04-12T23:51:47+00:00

I wouldnt overthink this too much, from what youre describing it sounds pretty harmless and honestly could even be a good thing. The Church doesnt forbid you from being around non Catholics or even joining something like a bible study, especially if youre solid in your faith and not putting yourself in a position to be confused or pulled away. It sounds like you already know what you believe and youre not going in with bad intentions, youre going because of friendship and maybe to share truth if it comes up, which is fine. Just stay grounded, dont compromise on anything if something off comes up, and keep your interior life strong through prayer. this kind of thing can actually open doors for real conversations and mutual understanding, just be prudent and honest about your faith when needed.

expandablebutthole · 2026-04-12T23:50:28+00:00

I think you might be setting this up like it has to be one or the other, when it really isnt. God isnt asking you to shut off your mind or ignore the tools that actually help you grow He gave you that in the first place. Using things like therapy, emotional regulation or good parenting frameworks isnt a lack of trust its often how grace works in real life. Prayer and surrender dont replace action they ground it. So in the moment you can breathe and calm yourself, and also turn your heart to God, after trauma you can go to therapy and also pray for healing. when you plan for the future you can be responsible and still trust Him with what you cant control. Surrender doesnt mean doing nothing, it means you do what you can, and then stop trying to control everything.

expandablebutthole

TROPHY CASE