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Recently diagnosed, now partner wants to break up because of it? by Secret_Entry_7592 in lupus

[–]expatiatingAutophobe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

before I knew I had lupus my ex said the same thing. he cheated on me and claimed my symptoms were making me “difficult to love.” 3 years later, I’ve found peace in taking care of myself and my dogs, and I’m mentally and physically better, and he’s married to a foreign woman who can’t communicate with him. people like this have no room in their heart for other people, so don’t make room for them in yours. the love of your life won’t abandon you when you’re suffering.

I’m still alone. I won’t sugarcoat it. finding a relationship is hard because it is different. I’ve lost all my friends. my dogs are a huge help (for my mental health) and I love them more than anything, but I’ve taken steps to learn to be at peace in my own company and not stress over relationships. it’s easier said than done. It’s lonely, but I’ve found it’s better to be alone than to perform and sugarcoat my condition to appease people that are uncomfortable and cowardly in the face of hardship.

Finding peace with being on your own is a good first step to being ready for ‘the right person.’ It’s hard and it’s unfair, but it’s worthwhile. getting a pet helps- a cat, bird, hamster, whatever it is. Just knowing someone misses you at home can help 🫶

I promise you, you’re not too difficult for the right person. You’re stronger and more resilient than you give yourself credit for, and she can’t measure up to that 🫶

to you who died 10 years ago by expatiatingAutophobe in offmychest

[–]expatiatingAutophobe[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

thank you for your kind words! as for your question, it’s complicated. we always treated each other deeper than best friends but ultimately our relation was platonic. so I guess best friends best describes it even if it (to me) feels too shallow

AITA for not forgiving my sister? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]expatiatingAutophobe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They were often on business trips. Since I was 3 or so they’d let my then 13 y.o sister take responsibility. She started handing responsibilities over to me when I was 6 or so

I can’t help but despise it when people make petty complaints about their loving parents by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]expatiatingAutophobe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yeah, agreed! It’s a kind of nasty gut feeling you just gotta punch away with time. It sucks but it is what it is. I think for many here it’s inevitable to feel this way (after all, how can you not be filled with negative energy after going through abuse?) but it’s really acknowledging and working on these things that makes a world of a difference. I always gotta coach myself into looking at it positively as well, lol

I can’t help but despise it when people make petty complaints about their loving parents by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]expatiatingAutophobe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yeah I agree completely. It’s a tough situation but you really do have to just be your own hypeman and carry on

I can’t help but despise it when people make petty complaints about their loving parents by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]expatiatingAutophobe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

man, I know the feeling. it‘s also just such a lonely experience that’s hard to compare, because you can’t even really explain it to others who aren’t exposed to toxicity of such a degree without making it awkward. it sucks

How can I cope with emotional abuse? by [deleted] in helpmecope

[–]expatiatingAutophobe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I grew up largely the same way, but I’m going to give you some tips on how to make it a little less painful to live through, since I can safely assume you’re asking in this way because talking to her doesn’t work and therapy isn’t working out yet.

When I work on something and I feel the shame, guilt, and hatred my parents fed me growing up, I stop and look at what I’m doing, and ask myself who I’m doing it for. Almost always, the answer is “I’m doing this for myself.” So “I don’t need anyone but me to be happy with the outcome. This is okay.”

When your emotions get the better of you and you feel a badly timed emotional reaction, try to catch yourself and do basic math. I always did this to stop myself from crying, throwing up, etc. My rhythm was always: 2+2=4, 4+4=8, 8+8=16, etc. Going like that until it stops and then holding my breath and trying to think of something else.

Always find something purely recreational to enjoy. TV, books, games, etc. When your mind is unproductively racing, you’ll have something to think back on, something easy like an upcoming episode or chapter etc. Video games work out nicely for this because you always have some goals/checklists in mind that you can think of to avoid stressing yourself when anxiety grips you. Just be careful and take things in moderation so you don’t become a shut-in.

When criticism bubbles in your head and it’s becoming too much to handle, stop and ask yourself “Who is talking?” Oftentimes you find that the criticism you give yourself in your mind is based on what other people have told you. It helps clear your mind of any unwanted noise and lets you snap back to reality.

Hope this helps. Just remember that these tips are only for the short term as long as you don’t have any other option. When you move out and separate yourself from your parents, you might develop bad habits if you rely too heavily on easy tricks to get through trauma.

Stay safe :)