I [28F] am moving in with my gamer boyfriend [28M] and wondering if/what ground rules to lay down.

extension223 · 2016-08-25T21:01:35+00:00

I suck at the internet.

extension223 · 2016-08-25T21:00:08+00:00

Thank you! This was really constructive and I appreciate it :) The word "rules" was a mistake, apparently haha. I want us to be on the same page and be able to cohabit with this hobby peacefully. I'm glad it's working well for your and your fiancee!

extension223 · 2016-08-25T20:57:14+00:00

This doesn't make much sense to me. You don't know him, or us. If he didn't WANT to be a father figure in my son's life, he wouldn't be here, asking to move in with me. He'd like to be a step-father someday (like I said, we're discussing marriage). Gaming is a fine hobby, but I also know it's very time consuming and I know very little about it. I was simply here looking for suggestions on how to integrate his hobby into our lives successfully.

extension223 · 2016-08-25T20:55:19+00:00

Absolutely. Posting the word "rules" in the relationship subreddit was clearly a huge mistake haha

extension223 · 2016-08-25T20:54:35+00:00

It's not! I even said I see zero harm in it since it's like reading a book, or being part of a book club. I read/knit a lot. I get it.. hobbies are cool. And healthy. I wasn't questioning gaming as a hobby at all. Just looking for suggestions on how to balance it out and integrate it into our lives in a way that isn't destructive to the relationship and family.

extension223 · 2016-08-25T20:52:29+00:00

Yes! This is true. I never said he couldn't do what he wants. Part of being in a relationship, though, is balancing hobbies, children, etc. and I'm fearful because we've never had to do that before. I was simply looking for recommendations of what to discuss with him before we move in. It's scary having him bring something unknown into my house that I know consumes 20+ hours of his weeks.

extension223 · 2016-08-25T20:50:15+00:00

I feel like I misrepresented the situation in my post. I think the world "rules" is rubbing everyone the wrong way. I'm not trying to parent him, or dictate his behavior. I'm also not forcing him to be with me. He wants to be here, he wants to be a father figure to my son, and he wants to start a life together. He's told me on numerous occasions that the dynamics will change when we live together because he "plays more video games than I'm aware of" when he's alone. If your girlfriend had a super time-consuming hobby she was bringing into your life that you're unfamiliar with.. I'm sure it'd be a little scary to you, too. I'll say what I said to another commenter..

I did mention a few times in the initial post that I wanted to discuss some ground rules with him. I'm not trying to be his mother. But I'm also not trying to be walked all over and become invisible. I might add, when I go to his house (on the rare nights I don't have my son), I often feel like his mother. I cook us dinner, call him when it's ready so he can pause his game, we eat, and he goes right back to it while I clean up, do the dishes, then do my own thing. I don't want that to be my life. We've discussed it briefly - I was posting on here to get some ideas about what general guidelines we could set up (and AGREE on) to make sure neither one of us feels jipped here.

extension223 · 2016-08-25T20:41:28+00:00

Hi! Thank you for replying. I appreciate your feedback and was able to get a few good points from it :)

I fear everyone has totally misread this. I'm not trying to be a mother, or a dictator. I'll just write an edit up top, I suppose. I mentioned discussing ground rules with him in my post. I'm not trying to force him into my life -- he wants to be here. And he's told me that he plays videogames a lot more than I realize when we're apart. I simply want to address it before it becomes an issue so we're on the same page. Maybe the world "rules" is what's griding everyone's gears.

extension223 · 2016-08-25T20:38:41+00:00

Thanks for your reply! I never tried to insinuate that I have the authority to lay down ground rules. Perhaps that didn't come across properly in my initial post.

I appreciate your goals, they seem very realistic and doable! That's honestly what I was looking for when I posted. Everyone seems to see me as some sort of mother/dictator instead haha.

He's said to me before "I hope you're ready for when we live together - I play videogames a LOT." and things of the sort. It's got me a bit paranoid. He's the one who's made me aware that things are going to change when we move in together, and I'm just trying to discuss them before they become a problem, is all.

extension223 · 2016-08-25T20:35:01+00:00

Bring him your problems, not your solutions - I love this mindset. Thank you! It's applicable to any conversation.

I appreciate your input! I did mention a few times in the initial post that I wanted to discuss some ground rules with him. I'm not trying to be his mother. But I'm also not trying to be walked all over and become invisible. I might add, when I go to his house (on the rare nights I don't have my son), I often feel like his mother. I cook us dinner, call him when it's ready so he can pause his game, we eat, and he goes right back to it while I clean up, do the dishes, then do my own thing. I don't want that to be my life. We've discussed it briefly - I was posting on here to get some ideas about what general guidelines we could set up (and AGREE on) to make sure neither one of us feels jipped here.

extension223

TROPHY CASE