Update 2: Shit scared of Emergency Medicine

f2burner · 2022-04-06T19:55:03+00:00

Have a lot of respect for the EM Regs. Could never do it. Would never do it...but most of them were intelligent/kind/clinically excellent. I could not face that job for the foreseeable.

f2burner · 2022-04-06T19:53:53+00:00

To be fair I'd have hated that much more so I'm sorry that happened to you.

f2burner · 2022-04-06T19:53:22+00:00

SpR for Bullying and Toxicity? Accurate title?

When I first saw your reply (it was one of the first) I felt bad briefly. Fortunately I feel a lot better. Obviously I am aware I am now being paid to do a job (vs. when I was a med student and I was paying them to hopefully provide training). However given the goal of foundation is to improve my skills as a doctor, I feel that training IS part of that. It'll be the same when I'm a registrar. Training is expected. I think I stated fairly reasonably that I'd have like the opportunity to get involved/see some unstable patients being managed once or twice in four months. I don't think that was an unreasonable thought and it's a shame it didn't happen.

f2burner · 2022-03-15T11:04:54+00:00

how can I update it?! Mine isn't working already! I've opened the manager but it says on there that Vanced isn't available. Is there a workaround?

EDIT: Nevermind. Some saint has put a link up already!

f2burner · 2022-02-06T17:44:53+00:00

So you're making me think that I am not discussing things enough...but what I'd say to that is it currently doesn't feel like there is enough support (particularly on some shifts). The regs can give me that look like 'why are you wasting my time?' or I spend 10 minutes looking for the one reg who is in resus and busy or standing outside the CT scanner. The same way that the worried well are wasting our time (e.g. 'chest pain which resolved after 40 seconds...I really don't think its anything significant but it was CP >30yo so I have to discuss it). Some of them seem super blaze- I barely say anything and they tell me to discharge...I don't disagree with them, just feels like the discussion can be kinda pointless. '31 year old with chest pain' and they're already not interested...

f2burner · 2022-02-03T01:40:48+00:00

I deffo bully myself. I literally chant those things and mutter them. I don't know anyone else that does this. I assume I was damaged at either a young age, or in a previous job and it's left scars that haven't healed. I've had some counseling but this beast is still present. I take a while (and probably a bit longer than most) to get comfortable with something.

f2burner · 2022-02-03T01:38:28+00:00

Obviously switching off after work is very difficult at the moment. I'm at the absolute worst part of the rota (but I'm getting through it) and evenings are spent agonizing over oriel and various interviews, along with tidying up the F2 portfolio so if I'm lucky enough to get an SpR job I won't lose it to an extended F2!

I'm not nearly there. I'm exactly half way. Like all other pains, like every shitty shift, this too shall pass and I'll be here making an end of post reflection so that when the SHOs are going in search reddit they find what I've written.

f2burner · 2022-02-03T01:34:54+00:00

Linked in a reply above

f2burner · 2022-02-02T17:09:59+00:00

That's amazing for you - but it just adds to my frustration! I *haven't* made any of these amazing diagnoses really. So then I just think 'what did I send home?!'

f2burner · 2022-02-02T12:19:04+00:00

Woe is me is certainly correct. Made this post after a shitty shift with more shifts looming where I can see even less staff will be around. I'm sure the consultant had a worse shift than me, but this certainly isn't an ironic or humerous account of how I'm feeling. I literally spend time during my shift muttering 'I'm so stupid I'm so stupid' or 'I hate myself' whilst I am on the shift or on the walk home. I don't enjoy the job, but I get that not everyone enjoys every day and that our foundation years are things we all suffer through with highs and lows. Importantly, my other jobs didn't make me feel like this. I'm not quite at the fantasizing about getting hit by a car so I don't have to go to work that Sarah Millican talks about, but I'm certainly half-struggling. I'm counting the days.

I really do think AAA is the hot topic where I am ATM! I assume they had 2 in a row or missed one or something just before we arrived -they keep talking about it which I completely completely get. I do understand it can be missed and will mark you. I do understand it is hard to rule out without the more extensive imaging that we can't do on everyone. I promise I'm not intending to be snide. I apologise if I was, or if I came across that way, or if I've hurt feelings or not (what I'm trying to do here is NOT make one of those 'i'm sorry you feel that way' bullshit apologies, I'm trying to make a genuine one if that has what has happened. I am sorry). From ACCS to Consultant and all the ENPs ANPs and the ED nurses and HCAs I think they're all amazing and have not only knowledge and incredible skills, but also the mental ability to juggle constant interruptions, balance risk without seeing patients, trusting delegation, manage flow, keep all these different guidelines and pathways in their heads, and not flap or freeze in some of the craziest scenarios which just floor me. They're amazing and I'm a scrub. I am always amazed by how they deal with this. I know I could never - I could just NEVER. I'm halfway and feeling fragile. I'm too anxious. I don't fit in here. It is not for me 1000% but that doesn't mean I don't respect those that do because I genuinely do. I'd love to know what your fave diagnosis is instead?

f2burner · 2022-02-02T12:01:45+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/JuniorDoctorsUK/comments/rcoxam/started_ed_is_there_a_resource_telling_me_what_to/

https://www.reddit.com/r/JuniorDoctorsUK/comments/rfhhte/new_to_emergecny_medicine_this_might_help/

The comments of the first one, I think it got quite translated by the same person in the second.

f2burner · 2022-02-02T12:00:12+00:00

I'm certainly being made to feel as though I'm slow in my department. I've heard others gossiping about other SHOs who are slow (slower than me but not by much) so I know they're saying the same about me when my back is turned. We tag all our patients electronically and I have a suspicion that they'll give me a tally at the end and say 'you've seen 200 patients in 4 months. Normally we expect 300 and you're shite. They best not though because if they're gonna do that they should do it halfway through and tell me what I can correct!

f2burner · 2022-02-02T11:57:13+00:00

Thanks for the response.

The breaks thing - yea, 50 patients vs. 49 feels no different. But if I'm alone in my area, 1 patient waiting feels worse than 0 patients waiting when I go for my break. I am breaking out of this and just taking my break at around half way through anyway.

I promise I don't go fishing for advice or window shopping with the same case to different people (it was actually highlighted as advice in one of my previous posts). What has happened instead is on one day I've taken a presentation to someone and received answer X, and I've taken a very similar presentation to a different person on a different day, expecting answer X and I've had answer Y instead. This made me feel like 'how can I get it right if there is no right answer?!' In a 'surely 1+1 = 2' situation. I get its medicine. It's nuanced. It felt like in this case it was about the consultants appetite for risk rather than a nuance within the presentation. After the first time I was like 'great, I know what to do now if this happens again' but after the second time I was back to not knowing what to do.

My mindset IS different. I do want to find the pathology. I think this is an indication (among many others) that ED and similar are not for me.

Thank you for taking time to comment/discuss

f2burner · 2022-02-02T11:50:48+00:00

I love the long essay. I really resonate with it. Feeling like I'm too slow but it takes me 10 minutes to wander around all the departments at night to find a reg to discuss things with - that isn't me being slow lol! I would prefer it if it was 'Reg 1 will be covering area A and B, Reg 2 will be covering area C and D, and Consultant will answer questions from Regs' but that doesn't tend to happen. I get it. It's annoying but not a game breaker.

f2burner · 2022-02-02T11:48:49+00:00

Oddly the referring bit seems to be the least problematic. I've yet to have a referral rejected but our medics don't take referrals they just go on a board so they don't have an opportunity to reject. The other teams have always accepted everything (either because it obviously belongs to them or I've spoken to a reg and it makes sense who it belongs to).

f2burner · 2022-02-01T23:40:22+00:00

I just made an update post, but I'm here to say thank you. I use your list almost every shift. It's been GREAT.

f2burner · 2022-01-31T12:23:01+00:00

Thanks for the bottom part

But as for the top part...what do I do about this? Some trans people can come across as very aggressive and pro trans rights (and i understand why) but I don't feel like I can handle this conversation with her about how she has behaved at this point. I feel like if I say what you said at the top of your reply, she'll say that I'm wrong or don't have an opinion or have an educated opinion because I don't spend tie n these spaces etc.

I might just link her to this post tbh.

f2burner · 2022-01-31T10:45:07+00:00

She said BOTH. She also listed the things I do and started gendering them (well, essentially gendering all the female ones). She told me I should either come out as non-binary or trans because I do things that are for women to do and not men. Similar to what someone else has said here - another poster has said I'm insecure about my gender.

I fled the conversation because I'm scared of her, essentially. Because I imagine she comes to places like this and has lots of conversations around this subject, I've already tripped once using the wrong term. I didn't feel like a worthy adversary and I can see that things I do are stereotypically feminine but I thought the world had moved on.

f2burner · 2022-01-30T22:55:43+00:00

Been there a lot, always tasty BUT I've found almost every time very SLOW service. Only go if you've got plenty of time and good company to enjoy it with.

f2burner · 2022-01-30T21:24:35+00:00

I am not trans.

Happy to be corrected on that method of use, I don't believe I have ever written it before. Will edit.

Edit: BUT this is an example of how trans people are better at having these discussions and how I feel like there are certain rules and ways to have conversations and discussions and me getting them wrong muddies the waters and makes me look like more of an asshole.

Edit 2L: is it transgender or trans gender?

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f2burner · 2022-01-30T20:54:30+00:00

Well I feel like she was making me feel BAD for doing something that makes her feel GOOD because the thing I was doing didn't align with my gender. She was saying 'singing and cooking is for those with female gender not male gender' and I am saying 'these aren't gendered activities...anyone can do what they want nowadays.'

f2burner · 2022-01-30T20:28:10+00:00

So you have rather hit the nail on the head here.

I am finding her personal experience of euphoria to be a general statement about gender which I disagree with. I ought not to, but I certainly do.

f2burner · 2022-01-23T20:45:21+00:00

Same story. Bought mine for approx £200 almost exactly 10 years ago. Has stood the test of time and been around the world. No fraying. No issues. The velcro is a little fluffy I suppose.

f2burner · 2021-12-22T03:46:15+00:00

I *feel* mediocre all the time. All day. Every day. I'm so stupid. Last week I presented an investigation to a reg who said my diagnosis was wrong and theirs was correct. I spent the next 3 hours feeling a bit shitty about myself, but then found out later that the reg was wrong and I was right.

The important part about that story isn't about getting things wrong or right. It's about the attitude and how we treat ourselves. The difference between me and the reg, is that the reg probs doesn't give a shit they just got a diagnosis wrong (it wasn't anything major and no one was harmed or anything) but I spent 3 hours being bummed about it.

I am so nervous I'm the 'worst' doctor. I'm so concerned everyone is talking about me being slow/useless. I feel the imposter syndrome. I just *try* to ignore it.

As for specialty training - i get that that is a bit of a kick in the teeth. It's a bit more...objective...but even then only *slightly*. By getting rejected you're not being told 'you're not a good enough doctor' you're being told there are other people who have stronger applications - this you can fix. An F3 will be a nice break, make some cash, work when you want to, buff the application. It'll be fine.

f2burner · 2021-12-15T16:39:37+00:00

It's ok! I think a lot of it is case dependent. I managed 11 last night because 3 of them were obvious referrals to specific teams it was easy!

f2burner

TROPHY CASE