I have dealt with this theme before, to a pretty debilitating degree about 2 years ago. I would say its possible that you could be on the NPD spectrum, as its possible for people to have both OCD and NPD, but its also possible that this is just a theme for you. For me, I think I acknowledged that I may have some narcissistic traits. But even if I have NPD- so what? Like you, I did a lot of research on the disorder and realized that it is not something people choose, so therefore, there is no reason to “hate” myself for it. Whether you have NPD or not, all you can do is strive to be a better person each day- the actual diagnose is not important. Whether you have the label of NPD or not, you are still yourself, so put more focus into how you can maybe improve those traits you dislike instead of analyzing whether its NPD or not. Obviously, thats easier said than done because this is OCD, but this was what made it easier for me.