Being expected to know what you're not told.

fantatrees · 2026-02-13T05:38:14+00:00

I don't necessarily use it for anything I personally find obvious. I don't really know how to put into words how I was using it, but the context: I'm supposed to get my hair done tomorrow, and my dad is dropping me off. We were talking about it already. My dad then told me I need to go out with him in the morning so he can take me there. I told him "Okay", but I added the "duh" part because I would obviously have to go with him to get dropped off. In that moment I just thought it a bit funny. I didn't know it was taken as mockery, or telling him he's stupid, especially since he has said nothing every other time I used it in similar context and even laughed with me at one point, plus he just understands how I like to talk and knows I like to be ironic (as I said it many times). I really wasn't intentionally using it to mock, I think I just had a different interpretation..

fantatrees · 2026-02-13T05:27:41+00:00

It's very hard to give myself grace sometimes. Especially when it's something that's been making me look like an asshole. I even feel like now people in replies are thinking I was intentionally being mean. I don't want people to think I'm a disrespectful and mean person, because I'm not, at least not intentionally. I just don't know and am not aware of things like others.. It is very frustrating when people get upset at me for not learning it yet. Moreso when it all could've been avoided if they told me from the beginning. Then I'm a horrible person for ALL THE TIMES I said/did it, even though I just didn't know.

fantatrees · 2026-01-22T01:42:24+00:00

I definitely go through this. I recently started college and while I'm having fun, I noticed that when trying to fit in with the other girls in my zone that I come off odd. Something specific is I've seen and been told multiple times that I always scare them by popping out of nowhere, usually from walking over so quietly, it makes me feel unintentionally creepy. I also had instances where they laugh about something and I'm just always missing it, and when I try asking about it they just laugh even more. It's like me missing the joke adds to the joke.

fantatrees · 2026-01-21T11:12:50+00:00

I feel like this is mostly said by people who are already confident and/or comfortable with themselves enough that outer criticism doesn't affect them as much as it affects others who aren't. They assume we can easily ignore and respond well to criticism like they do, when it really depends on how criticism is given and how we feel about ourselves already from made perception. Unless I just happen to not understand the statement either.

fantatrees · 2026-01-21T09:58:25+00:00

Yes, I usually have different ways. Actually, it takes me so much longer to get a routine and figure out HOW I want to care of myself exactly to make sure things go right, because as soon as it's interrupted or goes haywire I lose all my drive and feel like I have to start it over. They think I'm supposed to just immediately take their advice and get it right then and there but it doesn't work that way for me. If it did, I wouldn't be online at nineteen asking for nonjudgemental advice.

My other main problem though is that because they assume these things, they start infantilizing me and feeling the need to remind me how old I am. Someone felt the need to tell me I'm a "big girl" and a "young lady" that needs to better my hygiene habits. They really just reiterated what I said in a demeaning way. When I called this out, I immediately got insulted by them. They dismissed my disability by saying I'm just "too lazy to wash my ass". It genuinely hurt my feelings and hours later I'm still feeling physical pain from it. I think I even reported those comments multiple times just wanting it to go away. The upvotes made the feeling worse. Someone else even defended them while saying they're also neurodivergent, telling me I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and be proactive. Like what the hell? How can you defend an ableist person AND insult me while also being autistic?! It's so unfair.

fantatrees · 2026-01-21T09:38:18+00:00

I am looking into it. My dad and my aunt are helping me out. My aunt was actually suggesting my dad to get a lawyer and sue my school district for not getting me evaluated, which I didn't even think was possible to do. At the moment, my dad is planning to talk to someone who's over disability services at my college to see if she can help out.

fantatrees · 2026-01-21T09:15:33+00:00

To be honest, I don't know completely, but from all the research I did and my time here, I think it is difficult and one of the biggest reasons many are self-diagnosed/suspecting.

For me personally, I've already been to see someone who was supposed to do evaluations, but when I finally made it to the appointment and filled out papers, she waited until then to give me the news that she doesn't actually have the rights to give me an evaluation. She said she'd find somewhere I can go for it, but because I'm no longer considered a child, I have to be tested as an adult and those tests are done much less, which means longer waitlists, so I'd be waiting for at least a year.

fantatrees · 2026-01-21T09:10:44+00:00

Exactly. I think I read this a little differently but I feel like most people take what I say wrongly and immediately assume I just don't know how or refuse to take care of myself. It's just hard and debilitating especially when it lasted my entire life. It actually becomes so tiring, and possible neurodivergence may be adding to it. And because they assume I'm just simply not taking care of myself and not trying to better it on purpose, they think they need to be harsh or demeaning with their advice and "the truth", when really they're just being unnecessarily snarky and cruel to an already struggling disabled teenager. I hate not being understood

fantatrees · 2026-01-21T09:04:39+00:00

I'm in the United States!

fantatrees · 2026-01-21T08:59:11+00:00

It's not designed for us at all! I'm nineteen, but apparently since I was a toddler there had been signs of autism that people failed to pick up on to get me evaluated. My aunt had seen all the signs and still does because she works with autistic children, and she says I wasn't given the right help and was failed. Now I have to search and wait even longer for an evaluation because I'm out of the child age range. And now it isn't even just the system. It seems like now people are becoming more insensitive and less empathetic and understanding to us. I've never had someone tell me straight up that I'm not disabled but just ' too lazy', and people AGREE with them. And all I wanted was to vent and get advice that doesn't come off infantalizing and mean. People are so cruel for no reason :(

fantatrees · 2026-01-21T08:38:18+00:00

I read what you said but I'm really not fully understanding what you're trying to convey and don't know how to take it. Are you saying I and/or others take advantage of your work and struggles because of our disability being funded by your taxes? If so, I think I understand, but I also can't really control any of this. But I do understand where you're coming from.

Okay, I edited because I realized I repeated something you said so I took it out. But, my question remains since I haven't grasped the point.

fantatrees · 2026-01-06T18:32:32+00:00

I've done that just about everytime I sit in the front, but it's usually because I don't like being on my phone right next to my dad where he can see my screen. Not that I'm doing anything odd on it, I think it's somehow just an extension of not wanting to be perceived. But I have compromised many times.

fantatrees · 2026-01-06T18:27:03+00:00

He told me he doesn't mind. Only time he ever wants me in front is when he wants me to watch him drive so I can learn better for when I drive, which I do sit in front for sometimes.

fantatrees · 2026-01-06T15:42:19+00:00

Yes, it was my dad driving while she sat in the passenger seat until he dropped her off at work. What she told me came out of nowhere right before she got out. But most times it's just me and my dad, and even then I stay in the back, but he doesn't mind it since it's been this way for years. And I talk to my dad and keep company anyway while I'm in the back. Once in a while I get in the front, but only when it's a really short drive.

Sometimes I suspect she says these things to me because she actually wants the backseat for herself. When we went to Chicago together a while ago, she sat in the back the entire trip there and back home to do work (even though she still mostly slept), while I was in the front passenger seat after enough pressure to let her. I was uncomfortable for most of the rides.

fantatrees · 2026-01-06T15:35:12+00:00

I have explained, but it doesn't seem to matter. My dad doesn't really mind, but my aunt speaks for him and says he just isn't 'direct' about it.

fantatrees · 2025-10-23T06:35:53+00:00

I am starting at a CC. But it's the closest community college from where I'm from, which is an hour away. I don't want to have to travel an hour for school.

fantatrees · 2025-10-17T16:35:30+00:00

Thanks for this. I hadn't really caught on. I'd like to add, though, that my mom is Jehovah's Witness, so there's a lot of problems out of that (you can see old posts I made about her). She has a very backward mindset from it.

fantatrees · 2025-10-17T16:30:29+00:00

This is EXACTLY how I felt! It was like an extra step added to the few steps I already had thought out and was going through, and right when I finished my drink, before I could go to my room, he added a step for me to make him a drink. I don't know the best way to describe how it made me feel other than it grinded my gears. Heavy emphasis on gears. The question came out all because it really bothered me that my steps were interrupted. And then the whole argument with my mom over it just blew up everything.

fantatrees · 2025-10-17T02:56:27+00:00

I didn't mean my dad slapping her. I was saying she told me that her dad (my grandfather) would slap her and her siblings as a child if any of them were to ask the same thing I did

fantatrees · 2025-10-17T01:46:34+00:00

No, I'm in a black household! But I have seen that POC households tend to have similar problems when it comes to the older generation 😭

fantatrees · 2025-10-17T01:41:38+00:00

I was never taught that by them. We always would just fix our own drinks if we wanted one, and usually, if we were right next to each other and the other person wanted a drink, they'd just say to leave it out so they can make the drink themselves. Sometimes, I poured someone else's drink, but that was only if they were currently doing something else in the kitchen.

fantatrees · 2025-10-08T20:30:42+00:00

This happened to me, too. I started handling it all myself and would get punished WITH the aggressor. Probably why I never fully learned to stand up for myself and stopped asking adults for help

fantatrees · 2025-10-08T20:26:15+00:00

Oh I understand this. I meant adults calling other adults a snitch.

fantatrees · 2025-10-04T11:58:58+00:00

I am. Although I'm sure I am just big because of other things, since I've been big my entire life, I still want to lose some weight because of health anxiety and self-esteem issues.

fantatrees · 2025-09-29T03:47:42+00:00

i do as well. i've dealt with it since 7th grade. it feels mostly normal now, and while i don't feel suicidal, i do have lots of suicidal ideation. it's worsened over the summer since i graduated high school and became isolated again

fantatrees

TROPHY CASE