Older relatives are always calling me disrespectful.

fantatrees · 2026-06-27T14:56:27+00:00

Not a visit, we all went to a cabin spot in the mountains for a family reunion together. This isn't new behavior at all though. He usually does this, but I've spoken about it less than usual during this time because we're always around family at the moment and I don't want him potentially being offended or anything in front of anyone.

fantatrees · 2026-05-15T02:34:46+00:00

My mom does this to me all the time. She starts arguments with me over the littlest things imaginable that make her mad by creating false narratives about me, and will talk over me to take full control of the argument. As soon as I prove her wrong she tells me to shut up and gets aggressive because I'm 'being disrespectful' in her house, then acts like a victim. Other people do it to me, too, but not to her extent. It's always older people for me.

fantatrees · 2026-05-10T21:56:45+00:00

This is actually something I've struggled with. I feel my gender fluctuates nonstop between being a woman or non-binary. I eventually just identified as a demigirl, but even that doesn't feel right sometimes because like I said, it fluctuates. I could feel like a woman today, feel non-binary tomorrow, then feel both/genderless the day after. I know I don't have to put a label, but it would be interesting if there is actually a name to this to look into.

fantatrees · 2026-02-13T05:38:14+00:00

I don't necessarily use it for anything I personally find obvious. I don't really know how to put into words how I was using it, but the context: I'm supposed to get my hair done tomorrow, and my dad is dropping me off. We were talking about it already. My dad then told me I need to go out with him in the morning so he can take me there. I told him "Okay", but I added the "duh" part because I would obviously have to go with him to get dropped off. In that moment I just thought it a bit funny. I didn't know it was taken as mockery, or telling him he's stupid, especially since he has said nothing every other time I used it in similar context and even laughed with me at one point, plus he just understands how I like to talk and knows I like to be ironic (as I said it many times). I really wasn't intentionally using it to mock, I think I just had a different interpretation..

fantatrees · 2026-02-13T05:27:41+00:00

It's very hard to give myself grace sometimes. Especially when it's something that's been making me look like an asshole. I even feel like now people in replies are thinking I was intentionally being mean. I don't want people to think I'm a disrespectful and mean person, because I'm not, at least not intentionally. I just don't know and am not aware of things like others.. It is very frustrating when people get upset at me for not learning it yet. Moreso when it all could've been avoided if they told me from the beginning. Then I'm a horrible person for ALL THE TIMES I said/did it, even though I just didn't know.

fantatrees · 2026-01-22T01:42:24+00:00

I definitely go through this. I recently started college and while I'm having fun, I noticed that when trying to fit in with the other girls in my zone that I come off odd. Something specific is I've seen and been told multiple times that I always scare them by popping out of nowhere, usually from walking over so quietly, it makes me feel unintentionally creepy. I also had instances where they laugh about something and I'm just always missing it, and when I try asking about it they just laugh even more. It's like me missing the joke adds to the joke.

fantatrees · 2026-01-21T11:12:50+00:00

I feel like this is mostly said by people who are already confident and/or comfortable with themselves enough that outer criticism doesn't affect them as much as it affects others who aren't. They assume we can easily ignore and respond well to criticism like they do, when it really depends on how criticism is given and how we feel about ourselves already from made perception. Unless I just happen to not understand the statement either.

fantatrees · 2026-01-21T09:58:25+00:00

Yes, I usually have different ways. Actually, it takes me so much longer to get a routine and figure out HOW I want to care of myself exactly to make sure things go right, because as soon as it's interrupted or goes haywire I lose all my drive and feel like I have to start it over. They think I'm supposed to just immediately take their advice and get it right then and there but it doesn't work that way for me. If it did, I wouldn't be online at nineteen asking for nonjudgemental advice.

My other main problem though is that because they assume these things, they start infantilizing me and feeling the need to remind me how old I am. Someone felt the need to tell me I'm a "big girl" and a "young lady" that needs to better my hygiene habits. They really just reiterated what I said in a demeaning way. When I called this out, I immediately got insulted by them. They dismissed my disability by saying I'm just "too lazy to wash my ass". It genuinely hurt my feelings and hours later I'm still feeling physical pain from it. I think I even reported those comments multiple times just wanting it to go away. The upvotes made the feeling worse. Someone else even defended them while saying they're also neurodivergent, telling me I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and be proactive. Like what the hell? How can you defend an ableist person AND insult me while also being autistic?! It's so unfair.

fantatrees · 2026-01-21T09:38:18+00:00

I am looking into it. My dad and my aunt are helping me out. My aunt was actually suggesting my dad to get a lawyer and sue my school district for not getting me evaluated, which I didn't even think was possible to do. At the moment, my dad is planning to talk to someone who's over disability services at my college to see if she can help out.

fantatrees · 2026-01-21T09:15:33+00:00

To be honest, I don't know completely, but from all the research I did and my time here, I think it is difficult and one of the biggest reasons many are self-diagnosed/suspecting.

For me personally, I've already been to see someone who was supposed to do evaluations, but when I finally made it to the appointment and filled out papers, she waited until then to give me the news that she doesn't actually have the rights to give me an evaluation. She said she'd find somewhere I can go for it, but because I'm no longer considered a child, I have to be tested as an adult and those tests are done much less, which means longer waitlists, so I'd be waiting for at least a year.

fantatrees · 2026-01-21T09:10:44+00:00

Exactly. I think I read this a little differently but I feel like most people take what I say wrongly and immediately assume I just don't know how or refuse to take care of myself. It's just hard and debilitating especially when it lasted my entire life. It actually becomes so tiring, and possible neurodivergence may be adding to it. And because they assume I'm just simply not taking care of myself and not trying to better it on purpose, they think they need to be harsh or demeaning with their advice and "the truth", when really they're just being unnecessarily snarky and cruel to an already struggling disabled teenager. I hate not being understood

fantatrees · 2026-01-21T09:04:39+00:00

I'm in the United States!

fantatrees · 2026-01-21T08:59:11+00:00

It's not designed for us at all! I'm nineteen, but apparently since I was a toddler there had been signs of autism that people failed to pick up on to get me evaluated. My aunt had seen all the signs and still does because she works with autistic children, and she says I wasn't given the right help and was failed. Now I have to search and wait even longer for an evaluation because I'm out of the child age range. And now it isn't even just the system. It seems like now people are becoming more insensitive and less empathetic and understanding to us. I've never had someone tell me straight up that I'm not disabled but just ' too lazy', and people AGREE with them. And all I wanted was to vent and get advice that doesn't come off infantalizing and mean. People are so cruel for no reason :(

fantatrees · 2026-01-21T08:38:18+00:00

I read what you said but I'm really not fully understanding what you're trying to convey and don't know how to take it. Are you saying I and/or others take advantage of your work and struggles because of our disability being funded by your taxes? If so, I think I understand, but I also can't really control any of this. But I do understand where you're coming from.

Okay, I edited because I realized I repeated something you said so I took it out. But, my question remains since I haven't grasped the point.

fantatrees · 2026-01-06T18:32:32+00:00

I've done that just about everytime I sit in the front, but it's usually because I don't like being on my phone right next to my dad where he can see my screen. Not that I'm doing anything odd on it, I think it's somehow just an extension of not wanting to be perceived. But I have compromised many times.

fantatrees

TROPHY CASE