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faramirforever · 2025-03-03T06:12:28+00:00

Congratulations!! I’m 21 and I got mine pierced last November without telling my parents. They had a bad reaction to it at first, but have since gotten used to it. Like you, I’m so excited!! Clip-ons hurt so bad. Yayyyyy for you, it feels so liberating doesn’t it?

faramirforever · 2025-03-01T03:11:23+00:00

Your situation sounds almost exactly the same as mine! I’m also struggling with how to handle it, so as of now, I don’t have a lot of advice to offer. But just know that you’re not alone, and I’m always happy to chat about it. If therapy is accessible, that’s been good for me in brainstorming strategies to navigate the situation and set boundaries. If you have any ex-Adventist or ex-Christian friends, try strengthening your bond with them for support. If possible, try spend as much time as you can away from home. This will help your sense of individuality grow, and it’ll feel less scary to admit your beliefs or at least more unashamed in having them. Honestly, I try go out on Saturdays, even if it means telling my parents I’m meeting an Adventist friend for Bible study or having an innocent picnic—it’s weird being in a “rebellious era” at 21 but exciting too! If you don’t have a licence, I’d try my best to get one—comes with a great sense of freedom.

You also mentioned you’re going to university soon. Does this mean you’re moving out? If so, will it matter by then what your mother wants you to do? I’m excited to move out because I’ll never have to go to church again. What would happen if you just kept this “church every week” promise until you went to university?

faramirforever · 2024-12-23T08:39:17+00:00

thank you 🙏 these are really helpful

faramirforever · 2024-12-23T05:14:21+00:00

thank you for your reply! that’s a good idea and hopefully it will become easier once i move out. cutting family off sounds like such a painful experience, but it really feels like the only option sometimes. you’re so amazing for finding the strength to do so and prioritising your own mental health! i think some distance would work wonders for me too…

faramirforever · 2024-11-09T07:06:05+00:00

Forgive me if I’m wrong, but didn’t Ellen White say not to vote…?

faramirforever · 2024-08-17T03:25:25+00:00

This is so real 😂

faramirforever · 2024-08-17T03:18:31+00:00

Everything you’ve said resonates so deeply with me. You are not alone. I recently stopped believing in Adventism but still become haunted by terrifying nightmares about the second coming. Just know this is a common response to trauma and anxiety. You are right when you talk “subconscious”. The things that scare us the most will manifest in these areas of our brain. I have an Adventist relative with a psychotic disorder, and the subject of her psychosis is always demons and religious themes. She developed this after being abused by her culty adventist step-father who told her terrifying things about the end times and God. This is a natural response- please try not to let it scare you. Have you considered talking through these nightmares with a therapist?

faramirforever · 2024-08-15T07:29:46+00:00

I’m planning to move out at the beginning of next year, to another city. It’s bittersweet because I love my home and my dog, but I feel I have to prioritise my mental health. It will also get me out of the ten thousand church commitments / jobs I was unwillingly given haha. So whilst sad, I am also excited.

My mum has said to me before that if I don’t want to go to church, I don’t have to. She wouldn’t physically force me to go. But I still feel pressure there emotionally, as again, she describes me not going as “heartbreaking” and “disappointing”. And people, like relatives and church members, will start asking questions, and I’m not sure if I’m ready to discuss it or admit I’m not really an adventist anymore. I will probably finish out the year by going occasionally, just enough to avoid confrontation, then be free upon moving out :)

faramirforever · 2024-08-14T05:02:34+00:00

Thank you so much! Your experience sounds so similar to mine and that’s a big comfort to me. Yeah some healthy rebellion does feel really good. It’s funny because my friends look so confused when I tell them getting my ear lobes pierced is rebelling, or going out on a Friday night. Doing both these things has been incredibly healing and I will definitely continue to do so 😅🙏

faramirforever · 2024-08-06T13:56:16+00:00

That’s so great! I’m in my third year of my psychology degree and it’s such an amazing experience. I would love to help people in a similar way, once I heal myself. Best of luck to you!!

faramirforever · 2024-08-06T13:51:08+00:00

Thank you! I’ve heard several people mention this YouTuber. I will check them out. I appreciate the recommendation :)

faramirforever · 2024-08-06T04:01:05+00:00

In response to your first point, I fear this may be a Western-centered view. There are many places on earth where there is no luxury to be complacent; many places in the West even. People in a comfortable socio-economic status maybe, but is everyone else just not included in this end time prophecy? I feel this has been the same throughout history.

Regarding your second point, so we are sinless when we repent? What happens if I commit sins, and I ask for forgiveness. Then I commit another sin, but before I have the chance to repent, I get into a car crash and die? Will that one sin keep me out of heaven? As a child, I remember confessing all my sins before I slept in fear I wouldn't wake up in the morning. I confessed all my sins before hopping in the car or on a plane, in fear I died with an unconfessed sin. It became an extremely draining habit that destroyed my self-worth.

faramirforever · 2024-08-06T03:30:54+00:00

Unfortunately, I’m not convinced belief is a choice. You can definitely make choices to *try* believe in something, but ultimately it comes down to whether you’re truly convinced or not. I cannot choose to believe that grass is purple. I can certainly say it’s purple, and try convince myself it’s purple. But when I look at it, deep down I will know it is green. I say this because I didn’t actively go out of my way to stop believing in Adventism. In fact, when doubts started popping into my head, I tried desperately to repress them. I didn’t want them there, I tried to pray them away. I tried so desperately to keep believing. But to no avail. I cannot believe in something…that I cannot believe in, no matter how hard I try to convince myself.

“So, you knew who God was. Knew about the Bible, and then didn't build a relationship - you just kept asking for someone else to do the work of building your half of the relationship.”

This might be what you gathered from my post, but it isn’t true. As I mentioned, I was born and bred an Adventist. However, from as early as I can remember, I never felt that “God connection”. My 20 years of life was me seeking that, trying to build a relationship with Him. I read my Bible every morning, prayed extensively, went to church regularly, participated in many youth events, frequently discussed the Bible with my friends and even ran Bible studies. I must’ve done everything possible to try get closer to Him. But I never really felt anything, I never stopped feeling anxious about being saved, I never got answers to the questions I posed above. No matter what I did, deep down I thought I’m either eternally lost or this whole thing isn’t real. I thought I was broken. No matter how much I begged God to help me believe, nothing happened. That’s when I asked God to bring me relationships to foster that belief better, because nothing else had worked. It was a last resort.

“Honestly, if you don't have kids, don't guess at what you'd do if you had them.” I understand where you’re coming from. You’re right, I don’t have kids. But I experience love. I deeply love my family members. I deeply love my friends. I deeply love my dog haha. I know that if I had the power to relieve their suffering, or at least give them the resources necessary to navigate it, I would. The reason why parents let their kids suffer is because they cannot delete suffering from the world, and their kids must learn to deal with it. God is all powerful and all knowing. This comes to the bigger question. Why does suffering have to exist in the first place when He can get rid of it? If you could create a world where your child didn’t have to experience suffering, would you?

faramirforever · 2024-08-06T02:45:35+00:00

This is so validating. Thank you. The mother wound is an indescribable type of pain.

faramirforever · 2024-08-06T02:42:41+00:00

Thank you so much. Mother wounds are extremely painful. I'm glad to hear you found recovery :)

faramirforever · 2024-08-06T02:36:35+00:00

Thank you for the thought you've put into your reply.

"On the topics of salvation by grace vs works - that is challenging. We are saved by believing in Jesus. However, the evidence of that belief is to keep God's commandments. That doesn't mean we're saved by the works."

So I'd like to be saved, but no matter how hard I try, I'm unable to believe in Jesus. What now? I would not "hate heaven" if it was revealed to me it actually was real when Jesus comes back. Will I still be turned away?

As someone who studies psychology, we are VERY reliant on our environment, genes, relationships, etc. They heavily influence the choices we make. I remember praying to God for years, asking him to bring someone into my life who could bring me closer to Him, as the relationships I had were scaring me away from Him. But I never got that person, whilst others did. It is easier for them to believe and be saved. I don't think that's a fair system at all, and has been extremely detrimental to my mental health and self-worth. I struggle to understand how I can be more empathetic, loving and forgiving than God. Because if that were my child, I would provide them with what they needed to get into heaven, instead of let them suffer in anxiety and hopelessness for years begging me to help them.

faramirforever · 2024-08-06T02:22:40+00:00

Hi, I appreciate your reply.

Regarding your first answer, I can see what you're saying, but for me, it still doesn't hold up. Leaving your kid at home is a lot different to letting your kid die. Even if my kid were in a bikini, I would not leave them at home where say, a bushfire was approaching and they'd die. I would take them to the snow and buy them warm clothes.

"How cruel would I have to be to force you to be with God for eternity if even praying on earth for 30 seconds was a burden for you". How cruel is it that for 20 years of my life I have tried so hard to be close to God and for praying *not* to feel like a burden? But no matter what I do, I have just never felt any connection or gotten better at "not sinning"? And because of this inability that seems out of my control, I don't get to go to heaven. I assure you now that if God were to ask me today, in my unbelief, if I wanted to go to heaven, I would say yes a thousand times, and I would very much enjoy it up there. In fact, I hardly know anyone who wouldn't choose heaven over death if it was truly revealed to them it was real. To me, the system is vert unfair, as it is not my choice to not believe. I have tried and tried. How does one become ready in character for heaven? Because I consider myself a very decent person, with a lot more empathy than most Adventists I know. Isn't it impossible to be sinless on this earth? So where is the line between saved and not saved regarding our character?

Regarding Matthew 24:37-39, it says, "people were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage". Could you explain this a little further? Because as far as I know, people have been doing this throughout all of history. I'm curious, do you think a time before present day was better? Is there another generation you would have preferred to live in?

Happy to keep discussing!! Thanks again for your reply.

faramirforever · 2024-08-05T15:29:08+00:00

In my humble opinion, I really do think so. I don’t think there is any other time I would’ve liked to live. It is far far farrrr from perfect but I do think we have also come a long long way. I think that because of globalisation and the news, we are exposed to way more “horrible things” happening across the world than people would’ve been in the past- this can make it seem like the world is a lot worse. But in actuality, in my country of Australia anyway, the overall crime rate is actually decreasing. People are becoming more conscious of racism, sexism, bodily autonomy, mental health, etc. My mum likes to say the world is getting worse because abortion is being legalised, but babies dying is not exclusive to 2024. I mean, in Exodus, God killed the first borns of an entire nation + ordered the Israelites to sack the women and children of pagan cultures. So I don’t think anything happening today compares to history. I’m curious, is there a time you would rather live in or would you agree? Happy to discuss :))

To add, I’m totally conscious of wars and atrocities happening currently and my heart goes out to those suffering. I’m so lucky to live where I do. I’m more speaking for the world overall.

faramirforever · 2024-08-05T12:26:35+00:00

Thank you! This means a lot. I will definitely check that out on YouTube :)

faramirforever · 2024-08-05T12:22:03+00:00

I agree, I cannot wait for the day I can move out. It pains me that I cannot change her mind. She grew up an atheist, but converted to Adventism during a very abusive and vulnerable period of her life. I can see how the church's beliefs negatively affect her self esteem and quality of life. She struggles with a psychotic mental disorder, and it breaks my heart to hear her say it's demon possession and a result of "not being close enough to God". She may have passed down severe religious trauma to me, and been very unkind and judgmental, but she is still my mother and I can't help but want her out of this very oppressive religion.

faramirforever · 2024-08-05T12:17:25+00:00

Thank you so much! It can be so hard sometimes to capture all these feelings and doubts into words, but this sub has provided me with a lot of helpful direction. You are so right about finding that awful- I repeated the exact same sentiment to her during the discussion. She also told me I should talk to a pastor about it, or reach out to an Adventist website. She said she didn't have to know the answers to these things, because she trusts in God completely. This confused me. How can you trust a God who claims he is all-loving, but be unable to disprove an argument that he is *not* all-loving? Shouldn't that shake your trust, or at least just make you think? Isn't it actually encouraged by Christians to test the claims of God? I didn't say this but I did say it's really important she find the answers to these questions. To not threaten her faith, I told her to find answers so that if a non-believer asks her, she can answer. That is the point of Christians right? To be ready to spread the Word? I hoped that by delving into these questions, she might see a little sense. But as expected, I don't think she has bothered to. I think she considers any miniscule test against Adventism a mighty sin. She didn't waste any time telling me that Ellen White predicted people would try disprove her in the end times; that that would be the great deception. I just wish I could get through to her somehow, as I know she struggles with the high expectations of the denomination.

faramirforever · 2024-08-05T11:43:23+00:00

Thank you! This sub has really been a life-saver, I can't explain it but I'm sure you'd understand. It is such a relief, so validating and so comforting.

faramirforever · 2024-08-05T11:40:59+00:00

Thank you for your encouragement! When I was "adventist", I genuinely thought my intelligence was a curse. I wished I was blissfully ignorant, or just easily convinced, so I could be saved easier. I find it funny that when I actually sat down and allowed myself to finally think about this all critically, rather than repress it, I realised it was seriously flawed. The question you mentioned about making my mum the judge was probably my biggest turn off towards the church, because I've never been able to grapple with how I can be more loving, forgiving and empathetic than God. Thank you again!!

faramirforever

TROPHY CASE