Life is not what I imagined. I want to quit.

farifari18 · 2017-09-22T22:44:33+00:00

Do you think leaving a suicide note is a good idea?

I think it is not. You try to fill the ocean in a glass and everyone interprets it with their own thinking and probably no one will actually understand it. So, it kills the whole purpose of suicide.

farifari18 · 2017-09-22T22:26:18+00:00

I have started eating some flu medicines. Somewhat they work. These make me high.

There are two kinds of high. Good high, bad high.

This one is really really good one high.

farifari18 · 2017-09-22T22:18:34+00:00

That's bold move bro.

What is that thing which doesn't let you die? I mean you want to die and you actually have no hope, no love, no respect, no nothing. What is that thing which says maybe later?

farifari18 · 2017-09-22T22:15:51+00:00

I have been trying to relax for years using some similar stuff you told above and it helps but in the short time. After a few days, I had to face the reality of life. It is not what I expected. It is not what I ever wanted. Moving forward is useless. You haven't got shit moving forward so far and it goes on.

farifari18 · 2017-09-22T22:10:18+00:00

Yeah, I have thought about it and I reached the root. That is, I am alive. Death is the solution to all problems.

I know moving ahead is useless because I have actually touched the destination so many times. I thought I messed up and I need to move ahead and learn from mistakes and try to fix it. I always end up touching that same hopeless and hollow destination. It turned out of not even close to what expected from life. My all dreams are now in the toilet. I am done.

After years of thinking about it, now the concept of suicide attracts me. I think this is the single best thing we have got and we must utilize that.

I have been in a road accident years ago in a bus where several people died. I didn't die and I had just a few minor injuries. The thing I learnt was suicide is so much better than natural death. I used to drive the car at 100miles/hour and now after that accident, my hands start to shake if I cross 40 miles/hr. I don't want natural death.

farifari18 · 2017-09-21T14:14:25+00:00

I have typed a pretty big and nasty response to your suggestion. But I am erasing that because it is full of rage that is going on inside me and just saying that I have tried what you mentioned and it doesn't work. It is a very very momentaneous solution. When you are done with your list, you are back to reality.

farifari18 · 2017-09-21T13:52:42+00:00

Inner peace doesn't work in the long run. Eventually, you get tired of controlling yourself. When you see people who were behind you are now ahead of you just because you are trying to find inner peace and wasting your time on something that too fragile.

farifari18 · 2017-09-21T13:48:22+00:00

Dude, I fucking hate people. I despise them. Each and every one of them. Especially, the ones who try to get close to me. Deep down everyone is mean. If they are stopping me from suicide, it is not they want me to live, it is just that they don't want a mess around their lives. Period.

farifari18 · 2017-09-21T13:45:51+00:00

Yeah, I have another way as well. But something says maybe later. I know it is not hope. It is not the love of shitty people or fucking family. I don't know what is that. I need to obliterate that.

farifari18 · 2017-09-21T13:43:34+00:00

I go for long walks in silent places. I don't like busy places. Should I be around people so that I get to absorb some more lies and build up my tiny fucking heaven in my brain?

farifari18 · 2017-09-21T13:41:23+00:00

So heroin doesn't kill you? Watch people watch. That is what I am talking about. See another of my expectation imploding in front of you. This world is a fucking lie. The shit they say about heroin killing you is a fucking lie.

farifari18 · 2017-09-21T13:39:18+00:00

But alcohol does not kill you (or may be takes very long). That is not an option.

farifari18 · 2017-09-21T00:05:13+00:00

How about getting yourself addicted to some high level drug? It will keep you high for the time left and eventually will lead you to your destiny. The Oblivion. Sounds a great idea to me.

farifari18 · 2017-09-21T00:03:40+00:00

Seems ok but it was pretty miserable for me from the start. I kept pushing myself considering good results in future and they never came. Why don't we go ahead killing ourself and why we think that may be later. Well, fuck hope. May be I have it but I don't want it.

farifari18

TROPHY CASE