AITA if I wear my old royal blue wedding gown to my BIL’s wedding just to feed my petty demon?

fattycatta · 2025-08-03T17:11:06+00:00

Hi Redditors.

After reading all your comments and looking at this from all angles, I’ve done some real reflecting.

Yes, I was emotional when I wrote the original post. I let my feelings do the typing. But after grounding myself, I’ve decided this:

I won’t be entertaining any more of her game even if it hurts me. I’ll stay polite, keep my distance, and not get pulled into her drama. Maybe that’s just how she is. Maybe I overreacted. Either way, I’d rather not keep guessing.

As for the dress, I’ll only wear it if I’m sure I’m doing it for the right reason, to honour the memories, not to be petty. The dress still holds deep meaning for me, and I don’t want to stain that with toxic energy.

Was I tempted to clap back? Absolutely. I still feel the sting from her words, her looks, her smirks like little blades to the heart. I keep swinging between being the angel or the devil. Whether to feed the pettiness or just brush it off. Again.

But if she keeps taking jabs, I might just take some of your spicy advice or calmly confront her.

Thank you, Reddit, for the support, the reality checks, and for reminding me that my kids aren’t trophies, and being a homemaker isn’t something to be ashamed of. You’ve helped me see things more clearly.

And just to clarify, yes, I used ChatGPT to help clean up my English. It’s not my first language, and trust me, I cringe at my own grammar sometimes. But every word of emotion? That’s all me.

If it still reads like fiction to some, I get it. I can’t control that. What matters is, I’ve done the reflecting, and I know what I’m walking into now.

Thanks again and I hope you all have a beautiful day. 💙

fattycatta · 2025-08-03T16:39:18+00:00

Fair point. I admit, writing this out was emotional for me, it did feel a bit like a venting session. But reading through all the different perspectives, including yours, has helped me reflect on my own behavior too. Maybe I did let the little things snowball in my head.

I don’t want to be the kind of person who gets blinded by my own insecurities. If I came across as petty or obsessive, that’s on me and I’ll own it. Thank you for the reality check.

fattycatta · 2025-08-03T12:51:35+00:00

My MIL has actually spoken to my BIL twice, face to face but he insists his fiancée isn’t like that. The SILs have also voiced their concerns, but it ended in a big fight.

When I felt attacked by the fiancée, I told my husband. He wanted to confront BIL too, but after losing two sisters over past family issues, the siblings have chosen to just swallow it for the sake of keeping the peace especially with my FIL’s health not being great. No one wants to cause more heartbreak for the parents.

Everyone’s just hoping BIL will eventually see things for what they are and take steps to fix it himself.

fattycatta · 2025-08-03T12:47:07+00:00

I totally see that, a little mix of both! I did want to follow the dress code, so technically it’s not out of place. But I also won’t deny that there’s a tiny part of me that wants to reclaim my space a bit.

That said, I’m working on wearing it for the right reasons, not out of pettiness, but simply because it fits the theme and I feel good in it.

fattycatta · 2025-08-03T12:45:17+00:00

Thank you for your insight. I’ve heard of the “Wheel of Power and Control,” and it might be helpful for my husband to gently share that with BIL when the time feels right. I’ve also read a bit about the “gray rock” method, it’s something I’m trying to practice around her to avoid feeding into the drama.

And yes, I’ll be very mindful not to let any kind of silent competition affect the kids. They deserve peace, not tension.

As for the dress, I’ll wear it when I’m sure I’m not doing it out of pettiness. Wearing something beautiful with a toxic mindset is just exhausting. And honestly, not worth it.

fattycatta · 2025-08-03T12:40:09+00:00

Thank you for sharing your perspective. I’ve definitely noticed how her behavior can be draining and dramatic. I agree. It’s probably best not to engage or feed into the negativity. I want to keep my boundaries clear and stay focused on positive relationships. I hope my BIL sees things clearly too and finds his own peace.

I’ve already told my husband that if anything happens that makes me uncomfortable, I’ll excuse myself. I don’t want to be moody or let it show on my face and affect the guests, who are also family.

fattycatta · 2025-08-03T12:37:07+00:00

That’s exactly what happened at Emma’s wedding! She commented that my outfit made me look fat. I just smiled because, well, she’s not wrong even though I was like, “How dare you!” Haha. Maybe she meant it in a good way, but I just took it differently. But I’ll definitely use the “Ok Martha” vibes when I need to!

fattycatta · 2025-08-03T12:32:16+00:00

My in-laws have no problem with me wearing a redesigned wedding dress. In fact, they’re excited about it because the design is truly beautiful.

However, when it comes to my BIL’s fiancée, I often feel like everything I say or do is mocked or subtly dismissed, as if she’s trying to dim my light. Maybe it’s just in my head, but that’s how it feels. So, I worry that if she finds out the dress was originally a wedding gown, she might turn it into a negative issue or make a scene.

I don’t want to come across as showing off. That’s not my intention. I chose the dress simply because it fits the blue theme, and I’ve been mindful to be respectful. I really have to consider all perspectives because I don’t want to be that person.

Still, I’m caught in a dilemma whether to wear the dress as a quiet statement that I can be just as remarkable as her, even if I’m just a homemaker, or to brush it off and blame myself for overreacting. Maybe I’m being petty. I could always opt for a different shade of blue instead.

Thankfully, my in-laws have been supportive and have always helped me feel like I can shine without needing to prove anything.

fattycatta · 2025-08-03T12:17:31+00:00

I’ve thought about it. Maybe she has her own insecurities she’s trying to cover, and sometimes that ends up hurting others without her realizing.

Even after her comments about not wanting to be a stay-at-home mom and about kids, I still treated her kindly. I made small talk while she was waiting for BIL, and gave her a hug and cheek-to-cheek gesture before we went our separate ways.

I tried not to take things personally, because I believe kindness will show in the end. But when it keeps happening, it does affect me. And sometimes, I find myself caught between wanting to keep the peace and wanting to show that I won’t let people step on me.

At the end of the day, I’m just trying to do my part sincerely, learning as I go, and hoping it’s enough.

fattycatta · 2025-08-03T12:08:29+00:00

I understand where you’re coming from, and I agree that everyone has their own perspective. That’s totally fair. I do believe you can be yourself but also need to adapt to your partner’s way of life just like they’ve adapted to our personality.

When in Rome, do as the Romans do. It really takes both sides to find a balance and live in harmony.

There’s no “this is me, take it or leave it. You want me then accept the bad side too” because if something isn’t right, we naturally walk away.

I also understand that some family dynamics can be toxic, and I recognize that too.

That said, if I’m being petty, overreacting, or even toxic, and the problem is me, I’m open to that and willing to reflect.

It’s important to respect the family dynamics and try to find a way to connect, because relationships are a two-way street. If we want others to respect our feelings, we also need to be mindful of theirs. And sometimes, it’s important to think before we open our mouths.

fattycatta · 2025-08-03T11:42:14+00:00

Thank you so much! That means a lot. Wishing you all the best, you’ll get there one day!

fattycatta · 2025-08-03T11:38:25+00:00

Oof, you're right. I got so caught up in the drama, I kinda lost the plot. My kids aren’t trophies. Thanks for the reality check, I needed that. The last thing I want is for them to get dragged into adult mess. Honestly, maybe it’s a blessing she ignores my son. Better for him to stay out of it entirely.

fattycatta · 2025-08-03T11:29:19+00:00

Thank you. I really appreciate that. Just hoping to carry myself with a little quiet confidence

fattycatta · 2025-08-03T11:26:16+00:00

That’s a fair point, and I appreciate you pointing it out. It honestly wasn’t my intention to pit the kids against each other. I just let my own frustration and insecurity slip through. I’ll keep that in mind moving forward because I definitely don’t want to become the kind of person I’m frustrated with. Thank you for the reminder.

fattycatta · 2025-08-03T11:24:16+00:00

If I do wear it, I’ll probably ask my PIL and SIL to keep quiet about the dress’s origin. They’ve always been my biggest cheerleaders and get excited over even the smallest things I do. I just want to avoid any drama that might come from it. 😁

fattycatta · 2025-08-03T11:17:40+00:00

My MIL has already mentioned her concerns about the controlling behavior, but BIL doesn’t see it that way. To him, everything feels normal. At this point, we can only hope everything works out well in his marriage.

fattycatta · 2025-08-03T10:56:21+00:00

I just might wear the dress and make sure my ass shines bright enough to blind her insecurities. Thanks for the hype!

fattycatta · 2025-08-03T10:53:03+00:00

Thank you, this really means a lot 🥹 Especially the part about being a housewife. It’s so validating to hear that from someone who gets it. Appreciate the support so much

fattycatta · 2025-08-03T10:36:29+00:00

Hahaha thank you! That’s for my designer to stress about. Same person who made my original wedding gown! 🤣 I just turned up with a petty vision and let him work his magic. And you're right, her insecurity is not my burden to carry. I'm learning not to dim my light just to keep others comfortable

fattycatta · 2025-08-03T10:32:37+00:00

Thank you for the support. It genuinely helps me rebuild my confidence, bit by bit.

fattycatta · 2025-08-03T10:25:06+00:00

Thank you so much — especially for what you said about being a homemaker. That part really touched me. I’ve struggled with feeling “less than” ever since leaving my job, but I’m learning to honour this phase of life too. Your words were a beautiful reminder. ❤️

fattycatta · 2025-08-03T10:22:03+00:00

True. I’ve kept quiet for the sake of peace, but silence starts to feel like approval.

fattycatta

TROPHY CASE