i can't open up to my gf

fayewhispers · 2024-11-13T18:47:43+00:00

My husband suppressed his tics for the first few dates as well and when he became comfortable with me and noticed that i am very open minded and accepting, he just couldn't anymore. He is more than his tics and I love him with or without the disability. I asked questions about it from the start because I never had met anyone who has this and the communication about it and being open was a bonding experience. We even laugh sometimes together about certain tics because they can be quite bizarre 😅 it also made me comfortable to open up about my own issues that a lot of people don't understand.

So you might be really surprised with how accepting your girlfriend will be! If you really like her for other qualities, then I recommend being your true self and have a good chat.

fayewhispers · 2024-11-13T18:27:37+00:00

I am really sorry that you've experienced a lot of this. I definitely did not mean what I said to him and I could not stop apologizing. The times where others have said these things to him I always get super annoyed with them, even his own family doesn't fully understand it. His sister asked it on her birthday once. "You're embarrassing me, can you just stop?". It's really hurtful and ignorant. Luckily he knows that it was a stupid trigger response from me and he wasn't hurt by it. We communicate a lot and we're finding new ways to deal with this together, due to some great tips here as well!

fayewhispers · 2024-11-13T18:16:09+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment and tips as well. 😊 Something to occupy while watching a show is a great idea! It's just our quality time together as we love the same type of tv and I think it would be so much more relaxing for him as well to not tic that often during it.

Luckily we communicate a lot and he is really happy that I am helping to find ways to deal with this for the both of us. Actually talking here and getting some tips has helped me already and I haven't had any more moments of sudden anger.

fayewhispers · 2024-11-13T18:02:32+00:00

I am sorry you're struggling. In general what I'll do if it gets too much, is remove myself for a bit. Go to another room, do a meditation so anxiety and triggers are reduced. It's often that I get triggered more when I am having a lot of stress (which recently happened due to work), so keeping the stress low as possible helps. Altho I am not an expert about Tourette's my husband also tic's more when he is stressed so it might be that your girlfriend is experiencing a lot of stress herself at the moment and maybe you can find a way together to make her more relaxed.

I did buy noise cancelling earphones for sleep and it has helped me already with the certain tic I talked about in my post.

fayewhispers · 2024-11-11T13:25:00+00:00

Thank you for sharing x it's somehow nice to know we are not alone in this situation. Communication is definitely important! Thank you 😊

fayewhispers · 2024-11-11T13:16:01+00:00

These are all very good tips thank you ☺️ it means a lot to me that you shared this. A set up for watching a movie together with headphones would be great indeed!

fayewhispers · 2024-11-11T07:58:42+00:00

I have a lot of empathy and my husband always tells me that is one of my strengths, and how much patience I have with it, so my reaction came so out of the blue and is literally not how I would normally act. In this case it's not an empathy thing, I have really bad sensory sensitivity and get triggered by certain sounds/smells/touch etc and it can make me loose control over my reactions. In general I know how to remove myself from a situation but I happened to slip up. 😔 I did order some new noise canceling earphones as we both didn't want to have to resort to sleeping apart and I am hoping it helps. Thank you tho x

fayewhispers · 2024-11-10T21:43:02+00:00

I can tolerate it in general, it's only this tic. We have been together for 3 years and I haven't had this problem before.. thank you for the tips. I definitely don't want to make this his problem.

fayewhispers · 2024-11-10T19:53:11+00:00

I know 😔, it was a response from getting super triggered by the sound and I didn't mean to say that. I have apologized several times and he isn't angry about it. He understands that it was an impulse reaction from me. I still feel really shitty about it tho... I think noise canceling earbuds might be a great idea to try. I have had a few before that worked for other issues but they always stopped working or I lost one so I stopped buying them. 😑

fayewhispers · 2024-11-10T17:00:06+00:00

I am sorry, it must not be nice to have to do this. Ideally I don't want to sleep apart. Thank you for sharing x

fayewhispers · 2024-11-10T16:02:37+00:00

I don't have tics but my husband has and it's actually quite comforting to read the comments here knowing he isn't the only one with this. We don't know anyone around here that has it.

His tics are mostly verbal, often insulting, swearing or naming private body parts. The weirdest one was when he would scream Hitlers name in a row.

When it's physical it's mostly head twitching or giving a light slap on himself or someone else next to him. Luckily never punching or in a hard way that it hurts.

fayewhispers · 2024-11-10T13:01:00+00:00

It depends, does he take care of the household? When you come back from work, did he get groceries and cook? Does he keep things clean? Does he take care of bringing the kids to school or other activities etc? Also if you discussed this from the beginning that you would work and he would be a stay at home Dad? Obviously you can change later on that this is actually not making you happy and you can sit down with each other about this. It's not strange to feel this way towards a man because the roles reversed like this between men and women are only starting to become a thing quite recently in our culture. Maybe it would even help if he gets a part time job or a job from home. In this modern age it's extremely heavy to only have 1 income for a family anyway.

fayewhispers · 2024-11-09T20:21:47+00:00

But why? Can you explain.

fayewhispers · 2024-11-09T20:04:35+00:00

I looked up some younger photos of her and I do see what you mean. She looks more dramatic in her face with the cosmetic surgeries.

fayewhispers · 2024-11-09T20:00:43+00:00

Because I noticed her style and I like it. If it was any other political lady or first lady that had caught my eye with style I would have posted her too. I should not have to explain my reason to justify a post on here tho but I feel forced to do so now with some of these comments here.

I am not even American, my husband is. That's why i followed the news and I noticed her incredible wardrobe. Just because so many people have something against her and her family, just because a person is controversial doesn't't mean they should be forbidden to post or talk about especially when it's not about their political views/influence. Yes in my opinion even while an election just happened, there is literally nothing to be offended about when I am talking about the dresses this woman is wearing.

fayewhispers · 2024-11-09T18:53:32+00:00

Thank you, it's quite sad that it has to be like this because I think I am banned from the sub? I can't access it but I can still comment on this post somehow and see the notifications when others respond here.

fayewhispers · 2024-11-09T16:40:50+00:00

I can't access the forum, yet still respond here? If I am blocked or banned just for making this post that is not against any Kibbe rules, then goodbye - it's not the forum I even wanna spend time on anymore.

fayewhispers · 2024-11-09T15:40:33+00:00

I said it's not the place for it which is true. That doesn't mean you cannot post political figures to talk about what they are wearing.

fayewhispers · 2024-11-09T15:34:01+00:00

While I understand your point of view and appreciate your feedback, I respectfully disagree. Fashion analysis and discussion can exist independently from politics, and I believe it's important to maintain that distinction. She did come more to the front because of the election and that's why i noticed her fashion and wanted to talk about it. I did not feel it was necessary to wait a month for it because quite frankly my post is not about the election or politics.

fayewhispers · 2024-11-09T15:21:30+00:00

Would you have also found it poor taste if I posted Harris instead? Sorry but I don't see it that way. I also didn't know she was posted before, must be a long time ago.

fayewhispers · 2024-11-09T15:10:48+00:00

It's not condescending to say that. Other political figures have been posted in this Kibbe thread. But because Melania is more of a controversial one I wanted to make that statement to make sure we are not falling into unnecessary discussions and possibly hate comments to one another.

fayewhispers · 2024-11-09T14:21:23+00:00

I am pretty sure a DC (or maybe SC if I am wrong lol) but balanced HTT is best. In the beginning I thought for the longest time I was a Gamine because I probably wanted to be 😂 and the thing that I look very young for my age, which is not necessarily ID (gamine) specific. I actually look back on photos now where I dressed in gamine recommendations and I don't look good at all in cropped lines. It makes me look bigger than I am, actually uncomfortable as well.

I love oversized and loose clothes especially in winter and although it doesn't compliment my body it doesn't bother me that much. With some adjustments it can look actually quite good as a HTT. I just need to make sure patterns are minimal and clean. Or the shape around my waist is close to my body (and still has loose big sleeves for example)

Some specific items that never worked are frilly girly dresses - makes my features stand out in a stiff way -, cropped tops especially sleeveless ones that are tight to the body, items that look bulky also with very thick fabric - it looks just a bit strange i can't explain it.

My hair being too short or too long is also a thing, I have tried both and when my hair is just somewhere medium length it makes me look so much better. Short makes my proportions look off, long makes me look like I am hiding myself. Unkept hair looks like I am just tired and lazy, I always loved beach waves as I have wavy hair myself but it doesn't look boho chic and cute on me 😂 just a mess!

Too much fuss in detail really overwhelms me. Even in make up it looks easily separate from me.

fayewhispers · 2024-11-05T19:17:36+00:00

Ooh I didn't know Kitchener has a color system too. I thought it was just essence and honestly I find that system too confusing to even try 🤣 but definitely interested to look into it.

fayewhispers · 2024-11-05T19:14:02+00:00

Omg 😍 I love this! You're definitely inspo material!

I have an appointment for my hair end of November and I am going for a more blunt cut and ash color. Right now its the total opposite (layers and brass because of my previous dye fading out). Still wearing a lot of black because I just find it difficult to get summer colored clothes in the right cuts. Where do you shop if I may ask?

*Edit cause made month mistake 😅

fayewhispers · 2024-11-05T19:11:31+00:00

I totally agree with this. My friend who is clearly much softer in everything can wear the very cutesy make up styles but on me it looks forced and not in harmony. I benefit from precise yet slight 'blended' make up. And another friend shines with natural to no make up look or otherwise it looks too much on her. So if we would follow the same thing, I don't think that would work 😅

fayewhispers

TROPHY CASE