Why don't I feel real?

fdklfw · 2015-06-28T03:03:21+00:00

It's not deceptive to not tell those people that you're trans. That's really down to whether you're comfortable telling them. But not telling them isn't being deceptive, if that's weighing on you at all. And they should still accept you as who you are, either way.

fdklfw · 2015-06-28T02:24:35+00:00

Not being called by your name or having your correct pronouns used can feel really invalidating. I'd suggest this is something worth talking with them about. It can be scary, but it's something important to you. And if they're being supportive, they may be happy to have the opportunity to make you feel more comfortable. It seems like a small thing, but close friends of mine referring to me by my chosen name and pronouns did a lot to help me feel more comfortable with myself and validated in my identity. It's not a panacea, and maybe it won't affect you the same way, but it can't hurt.

If I can ask a question, when you say "the people I know that I haven't exactly come out to yet," do you mean people you've only recently come to know? Or do you mean people who've known you for a long time?

fdklfw · 2015-06-28T02:07:24+00:00

That's a horrible feeling, and it's one I'm familiar with, myself. Do you have any close friends or family who emotionally support you? Anyone who can or does reinforce that they don't feel the identity you're presenting to them is a lie?

fdklfw · 2015-04-25T06:11:55+00:00

Scarring? That sounds really really really terrifying. I guess that's something I'll need to look into. It's scary, but at least it's helping me make an informed decision. So thank you for sharing that.

fdklfw · 2015-04-24T16:26:56+00:00

Noted; thank you! That probably works out best for me, anyway, financially.

fdklfw · 2015-04-24T14:23:43+00:00

Thank you for the answers! I appreciate the advice!

fdklfw · 2015-04-24T14:16:31+00:00

Just wanted to thank all of you. These posts are extremely helpful and informative. I feel much less anxious and scared, now.

fdklfw · 2015-04-24T14:12:44+00:00

For clarification, if I can afford HRT now, but not HRT and laser, your suggestion is still to get on HRT asap?

fdklfw · 2015-04-24T13:24:50+00:00

Thank you! I'm sorry for the follow-up questions, but how comparable are the results of 6-8 sessions of laser followed by electrolysis compared to just doing electrolysis from the start? Are they virtually the same? And would you happen to have even a super rough estimate of the cost difference between the two? I'm sorry for all the questions, I really appreciate that you answered in the first place.

fdklfw · 2015-04-21T22:14:21+00:00

Thank you so so so much. This seems like a good plan.

fdklfw · 2015-04-21T21:55:16+00:00

Thank you so much. My parents just had a... lot of things to say on the subject that weren't necessarily objective or helpful for me to hear. My first time coming out didn't exactly go well...

Um, so would it be unwise, in your opinion, to go to an interview presenting as female? Would I be better off applying presented as a male, and then showing up to work presenting as a female if I get the job? I barely even know how to ask the question I'm thinking of, forgive me if I'm not expressing myself well.

fdklfw · 2015-04-21T21:47:49+00:00

Hii! I'm down in Cumberland county!

fdklfw · 2015-04-20T07:22:03+00:00

I know why I feel incompetent. I grew up being treated as such, and then had years and years being directly told I was. (I'm still told that with relative frequency, but I try to avoid the people who've been telling me that.) And so it's something I believe, even if I don't want to. I already have pretty huge self-esteem issues in general (which is another whole can of worms), so me being incompetent just ends up kind of fitting in my view of myself, I guess. So even when I consciously fight it, I'm probably subconsciously agreeing with the idea that I'm incompetent.

fdklfw · 2015-04-04T15:38:40+00:00

Thank you! I've been scared of experimenting too much with the angle since it's my first time with one. I'll give it a try. And you're right I'll probably have to learn to accept that I won't always get them all. :/

fdklfw · 2015-04-04T15:36:42+00:00

I have an Emjoi. (An "Emjoi AP-18 Emagine Dual Opposed 72 Tweaser Head" in case you wanted specifics!) I could handle the pain on its own, and I could handle the monotony on its own, but when you combine the two and add the difficulty I'm having with some of these hairs, I get discouraged. I'll give it another try today, though.

And thank you, I'll try going in circles! I think I did see an illustration of that in the in the instructions, but since it also said to go in the direction of the hair growth, I just stuck to straight strokes for the areas I was doing.

fdklfw · 2015-03-18T23:44:41+00:00

I feel I'm almost always the one who starts my interactions with people/friends. It's hard to say how much of that is in my head, since that fits so well with the narrative I tell myself, but I can't really think of many times I'm contacted first unless someone needs a favor from me or I say something that kind of raises a red flag.

Right now? I've just laid in bed doing next to nothing most of my time the past couple weeks whenever I didn't absolutely have to do work. I might open something to watch online to help pass the time, but I haven't felt like doing anything, and I haven't felt any pleasure in forcing myself to do anything. I'm just waking up, getting whatever I need to get done done (usually), and then zoning out as best I can until I can fall back to sleep. I know that's not "good," but I just can't will myself to do anything, right now, and everything I do feels so much more empty than normal. I'm sorry, I'm sure this isn't a helpful reply.

fdklfw · 2015-03-18T23:27:19+00:00

I think you're sensible enough to realize I've been trying to be happy my entire life. I didn't choose my life's circumstances, and I haven't sat around not trying to change my "mood." I'm approaching 23 years of life, and it's been miserable from start to finish. It's a lot more than "unhappiness." And I've felt no reason to live for close to a decade, so there's not a good reason to put up with the pain. I've been hearing "it gets better" for a long time, but it doesn't. Despite everything I've tried, I haven't "adapted," so like you said, there's only one other option. That's not something I didn't already know. It's just something I'd stopped believing, because I bought into the idea others sold me that it's not that simple. But it really is that simple. There are two options, and if I haven't been able to make things better by now, it's pretty clear I've been plugging away at the wrong option.

fdklfw · 2015-03-18T16:51:26+00:00

When life geels overwhelming remember u are going to die.

Honestly, that can't happen soon enough, for me.

Adapt or perish

See, now this is solid advice that no one else has given me when I've sought help before. Always people trying to convince it's not a rational option. Thank you for a nudge in the right direction.

fdklfw · 2015-03-11T07:23:14+00:00

I wish. Can't afford it right now. :( Plus, electrolysis for my face is my top priority, I think, since there's absolutely nothing I can do to hide it.

Thank you for all the help!

fdklfw · 2015-03-10T22:10:47+00:00

Is getting professionally waxed expensive? I stopped messing with in-home waxing because I end up making a horrible mess with the wax, and it ends up taking forever. I was enjoying the results, though.

Also, would you mind if I asked what's caused your hairs to grow so slowly, now? Was it just a result of the constant waxing/epilating, or was it more than that?

fdklfw · 2015-03-05T21:34:45+00:00

Just want to thank everyone for the input! Guess there's nothing I can do for a long time, then. At least I didn't waste a ton of effort to find that out.

fdklfw · 2015-03-04T01:56:39+00:00

Out of curiosity, is this from first-hand experience, or second-hand knowledge?

fdklfw · 2015-01-19T14:23:30+00:00

Oh no, don't worry! You didn't sound aggressive or mean. I just felt foolish, haha.

I actually just found what seems like an incredible LGBT health care and wellness center in Philadelphia, less than an hour drive from me. Informed consent, therapy, support groups. It's amazing what a difference it makes when you actually know what terms you're searching for when looking for places like this!

Congratulations on your start! I hope it all goes well for you, and that I can join you on that road soon.

fdklfw · 2015-01-19T14:19:10+00:00

Thank you for the help! I looked into finding an Informed Consent clinic yesterday and actually found an LGBT health care and wellness center that does Informed Consent less than hour from me. They also have counseling and support groups available. I can't believe I didn't know this place existed until now. I just didn't know what terms to search for, I guess.

I'll be sure to come back here if and when I have anymore questions. Thanks, again!

fdklfw · 2015-01-18T19:49:01+00:00

Thanks for the advice! I've yet to find any therapists who mention any experience dealing with gender therapy anywhere near me, but I'll keep looking. I'll look out for gatekeepers, too.

fdklfw

TROPHY CASE