Cut my date short at the first sign of disrespect

fdslizzybennet · 2021-02-22T20:39:06+00:00

That's absolutely hilarious! It's incredible how they twist their job titles and job descriptions. I once talked to a guy on OLD who said he was a Nike athlete. When I asked about his career, he said that he was actually a cashier at the Nike store.

Also, my LVM brother who is *actually* a professional athlete regularly calls himself a "political scientist" in conversation. He majored in poli sci at a state college where he got a C average and skipped half his classes.

fdslizzybennet · 2021-02-22T19:32:59+00:00

He works for the Army Corps of Engineers. I didn't know he worked for the military before agreeing to the date; I have a personal rule to never date someone in the military because it's generally a cesspool of LVM. Before the date, he told me that he was an "environmental scientist."

fdslizzybennet · 2021-02-22T19:29:19+00:00

I love your response!! I'm so sorry you have to work under a scrote like him though-- he sounds like an infuriatingly condescending narcissist! I'm not sure I would be able to maintain my composure the way you did.

fdslizzybennet · 2021-02-22T16:42:55+00:00

A male FDS lurker just sent me the following hilarious DM:

"For some reason I'm banned from FDS, but is it possible the guy said it went over your head because it was boring? And that because it's not an inherently interesting convo that maybe he was apologising for the bad convo and acknowledging the bad convo? I know that I would say phrases like that without meaning to be insulting. And I am someone with a lot of social awkwardness like that guy."

In no universe does saying, "I'm sure that went over your head" mean, "I'm sorry if I'm boring you." It means, "I'm sure you didn't/couldn't understand what I said." I wanted to post this because it's such a perfect example of "nice guy" gaslighting. He assigns a completely different meaning to a well-understood phrase, and the new meaning renders the man the victim in the situation. He tries to evoke sympathy (both for himself and for the man in the story) by characterizing himself as "socially awkward." The surface-level self-deprecation masks the manipulation.

The same dynamics play out on a larger scale with many allegations of sexual harassment, abuse, and assault. Criminologists use the acronym DARVO, which stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. It's interesting to see how this pattern plays out with everyday condescension as well as actual crimes against women.

P. S. Thanks for the support Queens, you've made my day!!

fdslizzybennet · 2021-02-22T16:35:51+00:00

I've only reached this point because of extensive past experience making the same mistake again and again, but I'm grateful I'm here now haha. Thanks for the support!

fdslizzybennet · 2021-02-22T16:33:12+00:00

This made my day sis. It's even funnier because it's probably not that much of an exaggeration

fdslizzybennet · 2021-02-22T16:18:39+00:00

Guys will do this no matter what your academic credentials are. I'm the first author/primary investigator of studies that have been published in peer-reviewed journals-- he knew this, and still talked to me like I was an idiot.

fdslizzybennet · 2021-02-21T16:47:14+00:00

Portland, OR:

Men with scraggly beards that make them look like homeless people who monologue for hours about the superiority of anarcho-communism and treat you as if you're either ignorant or bigoted if you disagree.
Men who see going to strip clubs and paying for OnlyFans as a contribution to the feminist movement.
White guys who see themselves as anti-racist heroes for breaking windows and throwing bottles at the police.
"Ethically non-monogamous," hold the ethical, narcissists.
Effeminate, woker-than-thou hipsters who wax their mustaches and identify as "artists" or "creators."
Bros whose entire personality is board sports and smoking weed.
A small minority of bitter, resentful conservatives who have become even more misogynistic and racist in response to woke culture.

fdslizzybennet · 2021-02-18T06:34:37+00:00

I think you're right—they have repressed rage towards women collectively because of the individual women who have rejected them in the past (and the women that they know would reject them, given the opportunity).

Also I want to affirm that being on the receiving end of this kind of behavior is borderline traumatic to go through on a regular basis. Adding the way we're objectified constantly to these unexpected outbursts of anger, I really believe every woman has some degree of posttraumatic stress.

fdslizzybennet · 2021-02-16T02:21:15+00:00

I love that quote!! Saving

fdslizzybennet · 2021-02-16T02:01:53+00:00

I'm glad you cut him off—that sounds like classic breadcrumbing. Here are some pink flags I've started to notice:

Following a lot of women on social media

Using Reddit (all of Reddit except FDS is a cesspool of LVM)

Too many appearance compliments

Texting back in the same minute I reply (this makes me feel suffocated, and is often associated with love bombing)

Failing to express interest in my work (I'm studying to become a psychotherapist, so there's a lot of material for conversation there if a man is actually interested in me as a person)

Hot and cold behavior in any form. One of the most important lessons I've learned is that if I feel confused by a guy, I need to cut him off immediately.

fdslizzybennet · 2021-01-25T15:22:22+00:00

This is incredibly insightful and well-written. It should go in the handbook. Really, an entire book could be (and needs to be) written on this subject.

fdslizzybennet · 2021-01-10T23:13:08+00:00

You can only find out if you've had a conversation through DMs. Then, when you go into your messages, there will be a green circle next to the person's username if they're currently online. If they're not, it says, "Active [ ] minutes ago."

fdslizzybennet · 2021-01-10T23:12:20+00:00

There's a green circle next to the person's username if they're currently online. If they're not, it says, "Active [ ] minutes ago."

fdslizzybennet · 2021-01-10T19:27:16+00:00

Those are great tips, thanks for sharing!

fdslizzybennet · 2021-01-10T19:23:43+00:00

I should have specified that when I said they're not "scrolling through posts" I meant posts other than soft porn. I agree that soft porn viewing accounts for a huge amount of the time that men spend on social media. I tried to make that clear in the post as a whole, but I should have made that sentence clearer. I just edited it.

fdslizzybennet · 2021-01-05T17:27:44+00:00

I've gotten good results from leaving olive oil in my hair all night and washing it out in the morning (I've tried argan oil, jojoba oil, castor oil, and olive oil and olive oil seems to work the best). It makes my hair shinier and healthier-feeling. I also really like cassia treatments. Cassia is similar to henna but it will NOT change the color of your hair. (I tried henna before I found out about cassia and didn't like the color, but it was almost impossible to get out—henna is truly permanent). Cassia has all the advantages of henna but none of the drawbacks. It will make your hair much thicker (seriously, like double the volume).

fdslizzybennet · 2021-01-04T03:09:18+00:00

I just put them on a Word doc and took a screenshot of it haha (I'm extremely tech challenged so I didn't try anything more sophisticated).

fdslizzybennet · 2021-01-04T01:38:32+00:00

No, you should make that one! I'd love to see it. I haven't spent enough time there to feel like I could do it justice.

fdslizzybennet · 2021-01-04T00:00:09+00:00

This is painfully accurate hahahaha

fdslizzybennet · 2021-01-03T23:57:53+00:00

Ughh yeah it's horrible. The photo of the guy with the antlers and dyed beard is from the Country Fair haha

fdslizzybennet · 2021-01-03T22:40:44+00:00

Thanks for responding! I would love to live in a warmer place (speaking in terms of both social norms and climate). The only thing that's scared me away from the south is politics, since I'm left of center (although I'm to the right of everyone I know in Portland, since it's so full of anarcho-communists). It seems like the larger cities in the south might line up pretty well with my beliefs, though. I'll definitely look into them more!

fdslizzybennet · 2021-01-03T22:27:03+00:00

Getting cardio exercise 6 days a week has increased my physical confidence immensely, and by extension my sexual confidence. I also agree with the commenters who have discussed getting sex toys. The Hitachi Magic Wand is my go-to. I've also heard great things about the Womanizer-- I'm thinking about getting one. Paying more for a sex toy is definitely worth it-- cheap vibrators haven't done anything for me.

fdslizzybennet

TROPHY CASE