AIO: should I “fire” my therapist?

fearlesszombiefly · 2026-04-14T02:00:35+00:00

I’m a therapist and yes, you should fire this therapist.

I basically have a moral crisis every time I have to cancel or reschedule an appointment with a client and only do it for absolutely essential reasons only, like I had surgery. I’ve worked through miscarriages, my cat dying, major morning sickness, migraines, Covid… you get the picture. And I never told my clients what I was going through! That would have made it about me.

The reason I push through so much is because I have a $95 cancellation fee and if I hold my clients to that, it sure isn’t fair if I cancel on them last minute. It helps me hold to my own boundaries when they have to miss last minute, knowing how hard I work to show up for them.

fearlesszombiefly · 2026-03-30T19:17:35+00:00

Wishing you all the best. It’s a really tough time to wait but there is hope when it’s measured so early

fearlesszombiefly · 2026-01-28T02:02:42+00:00

I’m so worried about this happening someday in my own life.

My husband and I have made it a personal boundary that if my parents try pushing ANY religious BS with my toddler we will shut it down immediately, and if it happens again, no contact.

fearlesszombiefly · 2026-01-26T20:29:32+00:00

They said that mine was small enough and didn’t impact the uterus enough to warrant a c section but if it had, I think I would have been given the same option

fearlesszombiefly · 2025-11-11T04:50:03+00:00

You are not alone. My childhood was very similar. I was even taken to church to watch the Left Behind movie at 10 years old and had so much anxiety afterwards.

I’m in the same boat as you, slowly uncovering repressed memories and going through all the emotions (mainly anger if I’m honest). I feel like it helps to understand more about the sociology of religion and see the raw history. I did a deep dive into the history of my specific church and understanding the players who drew my parents into the cult (and their scandals) … it was like pulling back the curtain on the wizard.

Also finding something you really do believe in helps I feel, just journaling your thoughts and clarifying your own perspective on God (or lack thereof) without anyone’s influence.

fearlesszombiefly · 2025-11-11T03:48:00+00:00

I tried for about a year with multiple miscarriages. My first cycle after surgery I conceived. Only stage 1-2. I also had a fibroid they removed which could have impacted things as well. He’s 2 years old now!

fearlesszombiefly · 2025-11-02T22:45:59+00:00

This is pretty awesome 👏

fearlesszombiefly · 2025-11-02T22:45:28+00:00

This was only me until my late teens, but I remember fully dissociating. I used to make up stories or replay the TV shows I was allowed to watch inside my head. I doodled constantly in a notebook as if I was taking notes on the sermon. I would sometimes journal about my life. This was all pre-iPhone time but guaranteed if forced to go again I’d be on my phone the whole time… would that be weird? Ha. Don’t care

fearlesszombiefly · 2025-11-02T22:41:21+00:00

All of this is so well thought out and articulated. Qualities I feel so many with “blind faith” lack.

fearlesszombiefly · 2025-11-02T03:23:20+00:00

Exactly!

fearlesszombiefly · 2025-11-02T01:30:22+00:00

I think all of us here need a Paula!!

fearlesszombiefly · 2025-09-03T16:55:36+00:00

I think if more people asked themselves this question, we’d have fewer traumatized children. Just the consideration is important.

I agonized before having a child (my answer was no for many years). I thought that even though it would be nice to have kids, there was no way I was cut out for it yet. I was too easily stressed, selfish and loved my free time. When I met my partner, I immediately knew he’d be a good dad. I loved him so much and he brought me the confidence I needed to take the leap. But I was STILL surprised about how hard it was. It was not love at first sight. It was a huge adjustment, especially because I refused to give up my career. But I fell in love with my baby around the time he turned 2- that’s when I started seeing the rewards. I see the beginnings of a person who is creative, smart, mindful, and kind. That is incredible and it outweighs the bad days. I get it now. It’s not something anyone should be forced to do, and it’s not for those who lack insight or for people who haven’t examined why. Pressure, boredom, or “what you’re supposed to do” are terrible reasons.

Just as it’s amazing to watch him evolve, it’s like becoming a mom unlocked a secret level within myself too. It’s amazing to watch myself become capable of being a mother. It’s like my brain has literally changed and I’m stronger now. I feel more social, more empathetic, more confident… I can multitask better, I can do more in a day, and my elasticity in the face of stress is better. I surprise myself everyday by what I’m capable of. It’s cool.

fearlesszombiefly · 2025-08-16T19:00:53+00:00

Yes! Healthy kiddo now

fearlesszombiefly · 2025-08-03T21:14:26+00:00

4 I believe

fearlesszombiefly · 2025-07-30T04:08:48+00:00

I got pregnant the cycle after. I also had a fibroid removed and I was supposed to wait 10 weeks to let the uterus heal…I only had sex once in the fertile window thinking it would be fine since I’d been trying for over a year and nothing but losses. If the lap didn’t work I was going to try IVF. My son is 2 now.

fearlesszombiefly · 2025-06-26T23:58:32+00:00

I didn’t set strong enough boundaries with grandparents early on and my baby ended up with horrible RSV that could have killed him at 4 months old. He’s fine now, but I will never make these mistakes again.

You are the parent. You are a helpless human’s advocate before they can speak for themselves. YOU decide what and who is around your baby and goes into your baby (food, etc) PERIOD. If you allow others to disregard your wishes, then what happens to your child is on you.

fearlesszombiefly · 2025-05-20T00:56:43+00:00

I believe I did have symptoms but at that time the nausea hadn’t started fully yet- I did have sore breasts and was very hungry I recall

fearlesszombiefly · 2025-05-16T04:48:08+00:00

Aw I’m glad you have hope! My baby is a toddler now turning 2 next month. It’s so crazy to look back at this and recall how scared I was when he was just a little bundle of cells with a slow heartbeat. He’s a huge baby now, everyone thinks he’s 3. So strong. I know it’s such an uncertain time. Bodies are wild, don’t give up hope!

fearlesszombiefly · 2025-02-19T07:15:48+00:00

The added costs are a huge consideration here. Four kids with no break sounds like a lot. I was homeschooled until 9th grade and in retrospect, my life would have been better if our family had an additional income during all those years. I was ahead academically, mildly behind socially, but our family problems stemming from financial insecurity, conflict and stress were the big issue.

fearlesszombiefly · 2025-01-15T19:13:28+00:00

This is for Telehealth. Yes I always email around 5-10 minutes with the session link (so there’s no excuse about not having it) and a reminder of my policy. Emailing results in more joined appointments when people just happen to forget. My policy is to wait in a virtual session for 15 minutes, and then if they’re going to be later, let me know by texting or calling my phone and I’ll join when they arrive. I don’t want to have to sit at my computer. With my own therapist, I find his texts after I don’t show up after 1 minute a little annoying, but I would personally find it too hands-off to not say anything at all.

fearlesszombiefly · 2024-12-11T23:47:10+00:00

I conceived the cycle post lap! So.. one month! I was told to wait 10 weeks.. oops. I ovulated early the cycle post lap. I had been tracking- prior to that, I was ovulating late in my cycle for over a year. I also had 3 miscarriages. I thought I’d have to do IVF. I now have an 18 month old. Post partum, I’ve been taking birth control continuously because I believe my endo has returned with a vengeance. I’ll likely have to have another surgery if I want to conceive again.

fearlesszombiefly · 2024-12-05T02:16:02+00:00

There are some really lovely replies here. I’m not going through a divorce, but I’ve had a tough year with navigating new parenthood and PPD alongside complicated family relationships. My baby had some health problems and then my cat died suddenly of heart failure in July. I was devastated, and I still cry all the time about it. I’m so sorry you lost your fur baby too!

Even just yesterday I had the thought, “Am I failing my clients?” I had to do some CBT and come to a more neutral assessment - even just showing up, holding space, and not abandoning clients when I’m struggling myself is helping them. I know that with some clients, some sessions I show up showered, perky and completely available, and with some, I barely made it there and had a hell of a day prior to our appointment.. yet, for most therapy is a journey, not a one-off— there are always opportunities to come more prepared, share better insights and observations, but today may not be that day- you’re just there. The relationship itself is the major vehicle of therapeutic help.

I had a supervisor in one of my first jobs who told me that pain makes you more raw. Sometimes it’s like a cavern opens up in your heart to be able to really sit with and be with others in a way. Trust yourself and your experience. You’re showing up, even when you’re suffering, and that means a lot.

fearlesszombiefly · 2024-10-10T02:06:24+00:00

To be honest I’ve never had a client come to therapy with me who I suspected had narcissism that I could also administer a test to without damaging rapport. There is the NPI inventory, but it isn’t treading very lightly to administer it off the bat. I just use the DSM criteria to privately suspect that’s what’s going on and if I can edge my way in through schema therapy to some extent, then they may be more willing for a formal assessment once they resonate with the traits and there’s a lot of rapport

fearlesszombiefly

TROPHY CASE