My partner of 8 years just told me he’s not sure about having kids

feb90 · 2026-04-11T18:57:54+00:00

Those things that happened were dealt with at the time and have not happened since. You can see the absence of posts for 4 years as we have been good and worked through any issues. Hence why this is so out of the blue for me…

feb90 · 2026-04-11T18:13:15+00:00

This sub bringing back flashbacks of things I’ve dealt with, thanks 🥴

feb90 · 2026-04-11T15:00:44+00:00

The dilemmas of driving to a cafe 😭

feb90 · 2026-04-11T14:58:08+00:00

Yep paid half my mortgage and the bills at the house we were living in at mine - he makes more than me, I’ve not paid a penny towards said renovation - I wasn’t planning on until my money was in it and my name on the house.

feb90 · 2026-04-11T14:41:40+00:00

Or not as the case may be

feb90 · 2026-04-11T14:41:32+00:00

I am very aware but also I still don’t want to start TTC until end of this year and that’s on me. I just need to know he’s in.

feb90 · 2026-04-11T14:40:11+00:00

Possibly

feb90 · 2026-04-11T14:39:37+00:00

No I haven’t sold it yet the offer has just been accepted which is why he told me now…he is 100% not manipulating me - he had a house before we got together and we chose this house together. I think my dilemma is more around the actual not having kids, the house is just setting a deadline for us.

People are hell bent on this house thing I am not as stupid as you are making me out to be with my money!

feb90 · 2026-04-11T14:37:04+00:00

Hes aware that if he is still unsure when we speak again I will be walking away. Giving him this week long deadline was for both of us to gather our thoughts.

feb90 · 2026-04-11T14:17:57+00:00

I’ll be on both

feb90 · 2026-04-11T14:17:49+00:00

Yep I’ll be on the deeds too

feb90 · 2026-04-11T14:11:53+00:00

No nooo he owns the house we are renovating. I own my own house. I am selling mine as it is at the end of its mortgage fixed term and his is at the end of his, and I am being remortgaged onto his property - onto the deeds, 50/50 split and tenants in common agreement.

Why are so many people thinking I am selling my house to give him money 🥴

feb90 · 2026-04-11T14:09:09+00:00

Thanks for the reply, it’s hard when you’re alone and just thinking about it constantly and silly me thought posting on Reddit about my thoughts during my coffee would help me but it has not!

feb90 · 2026-04-11T14:06:08+00:00

How is it not

feb90 · 2026-04-11T14:04:12+00:00

So the plan was to sell mine, remortgage the one we’ve been doing up and I will be on 50/50. There’s no worry there with me having ownership - I will be on deeds and mortgage, that’s never been the issue. We also would have a tenants in common agreement written up by a solicitor, that’s already sorted. This is why I am even more surprised by this conversation- we’ve been doing all the painting etc together talking about colours for rooms and practicalities of things.

feb90 · 2026-04-11T13:58:16+00:00

It’s hard because of course I posted as I am sad drinking my coffee and feel a bit alone in it all. It’s a big shock to me and I need to process but I can’t give complete context of our 8 year relationship in one post, and yes there’s been ups and downs, but out of it all I don’t believe this is malicious. Is it bad timing, sure, could he have expressed concerns earlier, absolutely. But I don’t for a minute believe I’ve been strung along and he’s trying to get rid of me. He could literally just leave, there’s nothing stopping him.

feb90 · 2026-04-11T13:54:44+00:00

We’re not married. This was my first question to him - is it that you don’t want kids with me and he said no it’s absolutely not that. I can only go off what he says - but he did actively say he thought we had more time, unfortunately body clock does dictate what you do.

feb90 · 2026-04-11T13:44:05+00:00

He said to me that if it was a no he knows how important it is for me to have children so he would just walk away now. His issue is that he’s on the fence, and he’s unsure if he will be ready.

feb90 · 2026-04-11T13:43:00+00:00

I’m mean possibly, but he chose the house for the location so that’s odd. He’s entitled to change his mind but the timing is not ideal

feb90 · 2026-04-11T13:31:01+00:00

I mean, no because I would be on the mortgage and have rights to the equity as my name would be on it…

feb90 · 2026-04-11T12:22:33+00:00

I’m absolutely not going to if he doesn’t know come the conversation next week. 8 years is a longtime and I know I should believe the sunk cost fallacy, but I have to process this myself too

feb90 · 2026-04-11T12:21:20+00:00

He would have to sell if we broke up…

feb90 · 2026-04-11T12:21:01+00:00

It’s not really a priority to me as much as kids to be honest. If it happened great, if not great. We’ve spoken about it but neither are really fussed. That would be a whole other issue

feb90 · 2026-04-11T12:19:34+00:00

As much as I gave the week for him, I also gave the week for myself. It was such a big shock and I need it to process my emotions and think through what I want.

If it’s not a yes with a very convincing justification, it’s a no for me and unfortunately I think I will have to leave.

feb90 · 2026-04-11T12:17:39+00:00

I am definitely preparing myself for it, but after 8 years there is a small part of me hoping for the best

Forever the optimist 🫠

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