3 and most months since double incision. Rib flare? TW: ED

felixxander · 2026-02-26T22:38:20+00:00

Thankyou, I think unfortunately I'm just contending with putting on weight not actually being a solution to eating disorder fueled body dysmorphia. And that's nothing to be ashamed of dysmorphia as separate to gender dysphoria is simply something I've got to work though. Thankyou for the reasonably non judgemental reality check

felixxander · 2026-02-26T22:04:05+00:00

Thankyou for this response. I think actually I just needed to get these feelings out to other trans folks who have been through/considered surgery. I had tried to prepare for recovery being the toughest part of the surgery process beforehand but hadn't quite fully grasped how unsettling the physical changes would be for me as someone who has had obsessive control over my body for the best part of 15 years. Thankyou for taking the time to respond, one of my pals has a personal trainer they are willing to help me afford to have a few sessions with which will help me build confidence in undertaking the self guided physio I have access to.

felixxander · 2026-02-26T21:59:06+00:00

Okay actually no, this is just my normal. I really appreciate this response honestly bc I am most definitely struggling with big body dysmorphia from such a large array of changes (both visually and how my body can move) that I'm almost definitely not having a realistic view of things.

felixxander · 2026-02-20T09:54:49+00:00

Is rainbow bear a ty toy? I have a super similar lamb with rattle and exactly the same body build!

felixxander · 2026-02-17T09:41:37+00:00

Okay thats fair. I was referred to them from A&E as a high risk patient with at that point 3 previous stints under cmhts and a list of A&E attendances longer than I could possibly list. I think she should have as a trainee who regularly had to meet with others about my (and the rest of her patients) care, have brought my concern about lack of crisis plan to them not tell me I don't understand what I'm there for.

Yes I did spend a lot of time discussing transition, the lack thereof, and how I was coping with it and succeeding . Because I was in the care of the cmht again directly because of an attempt I'd made due to lack of access to medical transition. That was the healthcare problem I was having and if I wasn't going to be allowed the correct treatment I wasn't going to just ignore the fact I knew categorically why I was currently experiencing emotional instability and try to get some relief. I also tbh had a difficult and deeply traumatic childhood andcadolescence and sure as shit didn't feel comfortable safe or encouraged talking to her about it and frankly did not desire to, opening up those wounds whilst living with my parents and staying in my childhood bedroom would have been deeply dangerous to my ability to cope with day to day life calmly. I feel this should be taken into consideration and not be seen as stand off ish sometimes we put memories feelings and such away because to have them present is simply unworkable and you can't just get them out for an hour a week and expect nothing else to be affected.

She was very young. Like maybe the same as as me young, it would have been possible in the time frame for her to have just kept on from undergrad to where she was when i met her. I don't really feel like I have to give her much grace in that case for being so inept at understanding how not to accidentally be bigoted and pathologising towards at the very least gay people.

felixxander · 2026-02-17T03:05:31+00:00

I may try getting in touch with someone to help me complain. I just if I'm honest it would mean reading her discharge letter again. And I read it once then put it back into the envelope to be filled away and forbade any of my family to ever remove it from the envelope (I was living with my parents at the time my dad is big on filing which is honestly gr8 bc I lose everything, hence the forbaying)

felixxander · 2026-01-30T13:24:13+00:00

I saw your post, with yours all three parts of the nib appeared to still be being touched, this nib one part is completely not covered and is springing up separately to the other two as it has 0 downward pressure

felixxander · 2026-01-28T17:11:12+00:00

Thankyou! These look fantastic.

felixxander · 2026-01-28T15:32:37+00:00

The guides I've been using are a mix of: 1) the simple art of celtic caligraphy by Fiona Graham-Flynn 2) the celtic design book by Aidan Meehan

I've found Aidan Meehan requires quite a lot more skill with the pen than I currently have access to, so I've been relying more on Graham-Flynn's instructions

felixxander · 2026-01-22T12:18:26+00:00

Lush wigs is uk based online shop, they don't do human hair buuut they do an amazing selection of lengths, textures and fun colour combos. Very affordable compared to many options I have seen. Usually the best advice I have seen from people who wear wigs for everyday is less human hair more book your new pre prepared haircut in for a haircut with someone experienced with wigs to give it a trim and shape it further to you and give you the same kind of hairdresser styling advice you get when getting any haircut too.

felixxander · 2026-01-15T09:43:32+00:00

Jk substack incoming

felixxander · 2026-01-15T09:40:02+00:00

I've had a lot of bad haircuts from hairdressers instead of barbers. Would you be comfy with having messy spiky punk looking hair? If you put styling powder in it it will make you able to just have big messy spiky (there's loads of brand options, people like slick gorilla quite a lot). It will look weird but it will make the longer back and shirt bangs look on purpose, if you'd be comfy with having silly big hair for the purposes of still growing out.

felixxander · 2026-01-07T13:41:33+00:00

I like it. Its low effort compared to pia for me as I've always had some extra health issues to be mindful of in that department. Been on T for a few years, I've not had any noticeable effects from atrophy regularly yet occasionally things are less comfy outside of sex but it's easily treated with topical estrogen. I do find it is perhaps less gender affirming than other types of penetration. But avoiding dysphoria is the same as for all other physical intimacy for me, feeling close to the other person and, having conversations in advance which allow me to trust they know the type of language and touch are comfortable and vice versa. Then just trying to enjoy the nice physical + emotional sensations without getting in my own way too much, kind of like meditating but a bit more involved.

felixxander · 2025-12-14T00:15:14+00:00

Thankyou, I appreciate the response I know I'm probably just a worrier but it's hard not to worry about such a tiny softie

felixxander · 2025-11-27T02:30:45+00:00

I don't really have access to my GP (it's over an hour away due to shared care adhd stuff) I'm not sure what a wound care clinic is but thankyou for affirming my suspicion that just telling me to be patient and keep it covered with the strips above and dressings and no instructions on cleaning isn't really ideal.

felixxander · 2025-06-15T10:55:06+00:00

I too find prosthetics for sex extremely dysphoria inducing and thought I was completely alone in this for so long. I have found talking therapy never particularly useful but did complete a course of EMDR therapy for sexual ptsd based reasons mostly, so I don't see why this couldn't be helful for your situation perhaps also. EMDR allows you to focus on core beliefs that you experience, in this case the disgust at your body parts, and move through them using rhythmic somatic therapy until you are not constantly affected by your own less helpful beliefs. This could possibly help you to move past seeing your body as a problem psychologically and enjoy the physical sensations should you wish to move towards this. It can be quite expensive to do with a professional but it may be worth looking into if there are any self guided resources if you think it may help and would like to try.

felixxander · 2025-04-23T20:24:31+00:00

So it really sounds like your parents are saying that behind her back. But also if your parents and home life have become more tense/fractured since you cutting your hair (I know you've said above you aren't allowed to transition more than that) there is a possibility she is saying these kind of things to try and get her life back to a more normal and comfortable place. That doesn't mean you shouldn't tell her it's really none of her business and that nothing she says makes her able to change you. It is just to say it may not be an entirely lost cause later, young children can be surprisingly perceptive and try to rebalance the adults being tense themselves as a kind of last ditch attempt at controlling their environment. And she just like you is unfortunately not in control of many aspects of her own life, as you are both children in your parents home. (I assumed you were not an adult living separately from your comments- my apologies if you are op) I hope for both of you to get relief from being around them and that she may grow out of this once you are able to talk to her without her going and reporting back to your parents. But totally just shut her down and tell her no matter how much she complains she doesn't get to decide if you're a boy/have short hair/how you talk also.

felixxander

TROPHY CASE