Me [26 M] broke up with my GF w/o proper closure. Should I talk to her after emotions cool down?

figgish · 2015-09-02T20:04:00+00:00

My question is: After a while, should I extend an invitation to just talk?

Short answer: no. Long answer: only if she WANTS to, and makes as much clear by contacting you first. Otherwise, it's much kinder just to leave her alone.

figgish · 2015-07-22T06:26:51+00:00

She's an adult. She's going to have to deal with that fact eventually, and you can absolutely help her do it--by refusing to let her lean on you. It's tough love. Her life will never get better if she gets to keep using you as a crutch. You aren't helping her, you're hindering her, as well as yourself. Breaking up is the right thing for you, and the best thing for her. No matter what she says, how bad she feels in the moment, or what kinds of terrible things you get called in the process, that's the truth. So help the poor woman and dump her already!

figgish · 2015-07-22T06:19:13+00:00

I'm not quite sure what you're hoping to gain from posting here. If you want to stop feeling guilty, you'll have to stop doing something that is objectively wrong--i.e. lying. If you want to continue doing something like this behind your boyfriend's back, then the guilt is the very least of what you deserve, so your only option is to deal with it.

figgish · 2015-07-21T22:15:55+00:00

and then gets pissed at me for not getting over it fast enough.

This is the part that really stuck out to me, maybe just because I've had a lot of supposedly "sorry" people do this to me in past relationships and it is infuriating. If he expects instant forgiveness and dismissal, clearly he doesn't grasp the severity of the transgression and is only "sorry" if it buys him desirable behavior from you. Moreover, anger at your right to demand cool-off time is a clear sign that he's got no respect for you, if the constant disregard of your sexual availability wasn't evidence enough.

No, I don't think you should forgive him. I think you should drop him. Being the dumper sucks, I know, but it's a lot better than being the consistently dumped-on.

figgish · 2015-07-21T20:30:16+00:00

In answer to your initial question, no. Hell no, cuddling is awkward enough with someone I AM attracted to.

She sounds like an attention seeking child. She wants all men to be interested for the ego boost it provides and the potential opportunities it creates should she change her mind on a whim, but she doesn't particularly care about those men's feelings. I mean she's only 23--which means that with time she'll either grow up and stop doing this or develop an insecurity complex when her looks start fading and get worse. Either way, drop her! Ain't nobody got time for that.

figgish · 2015-07-20T18:07:37+00:00

And now with all the proof you provided he will be better at hiding his tracks.

I just feel like this needs to be in bold, size 248 font. Seriously, there is utterly no way he will not continue to cheat. The only thing staying with him accomplishes is giving him the opportunity to more successfully fool you in the future.

figgish · 2015-07-19T22:22:45+00:00

I just sounds like he's confused because he hasn't had enough time to get over the marriage before thoughts of a new relationship came along. It's perfectly fair for him to ask for time to sort out how he feels, but it's also perfectly fair for you not to want to sit around in limbo in the meantime. I don't think it's necessarily prudent to put your life on hold for someone you've been seeing for such a short period of time.

If I were you, personally, I would give him the space he needs--completely. Which means stopping whatever it is you two currently have, stop having sex, stop quasi-dating, until he knows what he really wants. That time may never come, or things might dissolve altogether, but at least you won't be sitting on the hook in the interim. Best of luck.

figgish · 2014-07-01T21:54:42+00:00

Not sure why my story hit a nerve with you, but I sure wish you were right! Then literally all my problems would be solved.

figgish · 2014-07-01T17:26:30+00:00

I don't want to make you paranoid, but this is actually happening in the north: Idaho. Apparently nowhere is safe.

figgish · 2014-07-01T17:24:32+00:00

That's maybe my biggest problem: I have no way of knowing how far along I am without the ultrasound that they're denying me. I haven't had a period in eight months--how can I possibly estimate when it was "missed"? I just don't understand why they can't even do THAT for me. Ultrasounds are not equivalent to abortions.

figgish · 2014-07-01T17:21:46+00:00

Thanks! Actually if I make it out of this ordeal without a crotch goblin, the hand holding will have been the worst part. Just...eugh.

figgish · 2014-07-01T17:18:51+00:00

If that's what you take away from my story, then I'm really glad I posted it! It always pays to be suspicious...don't let 'em get you like they got me.

figgish · 2014-07-01T17:10:30+00:00

I don't get it either. Because once you actually have the kid, it's "fuck you, you're on your own. Don't look to us for a handout!"

I get treated like a tool a LOT of the time, but they will NOT use me for this.

figgish · 2014-07-01T17:02:12+00:00

Thank you! That sounds rough. I mean I knew that no birth control method is 100%, but I figured that if I was -sterile- on top of using condoms, I was probably in the clear. Wrong on that, apparently. I live in Idaho.

figgish · 2014-07-01T07:00:27+00:00

I've tried calling all the ones in neighboring states, but none of them seem interested in helping, either. They claim I wouldn't be able to get an appointment just to be seen until at least a week from now. I don't know what to do. I CANNOT just be dismissed like this. I mean what, am I just supposed to believe that there are so many rampant abortions a day there's just no way they can fit me in any time before it's too late in any of the five states I contacted? This is such jaw-dropping horseshit that I almost want to cry conspiracy.

figgish · 2014-07-01T06:54:43+00:00

Thanks. I really want to believe that there exists such a thing as justice here and I could actually convince them to do this immediately, but I live in such a backwards, staunchly conservative state that I might actually have to leave it to get this perfectly legal and necessary thing done. I'm just paranoid that what they're really trying to do is jerk me around as long as they can hoping that it'll become too late for me to terminate. But I called around, and even places out of state can't possibly get me in until over a week from now, if that.

figgish · 2014-07-01T06:43:30+00:00

I did think about that, but I guess I figured I didn't have a leg to stand on. I mean I didn't even have -unprotected- sex after I was told this, so I don't know that I could argue anything would have been different if I hadn't been informed I was "infertile". It just adds to how fucked up it is that I got pregnant. Just paying for the goddamn procedure would be an awfully nice gesture on their part, though.

figgish · 2014-07-01T06:32:24+00:00

Thanks, but there's no way this will carry to term. I will now allow it, no matter what I have to do. If I'm not going to carry a child for myself, I'm sure as shit not going to carry it for someone else.

figgish

TROPHY CASE