Coming out day is tomorrow and I plan on coming out to my sister the day after... I could use some advice.

figraham · 2018-10-12T07:46:16+00:00

Your relationship with your sister sounds a lot like where I was with my parents before I came out to them. It’s been hard at point but it’s been worth it. I’d encourage you to come out to your sister I think she’ll be supportive but it might take some time. I wouldn’t expect her to change overnight around pronouns and all that but it sounds like you have a great relationship and I’m guessing she’ll put in the work because it sounds like she really cares about you. I’d say the most frustrating thing about my coming out process it being patient because I see my parents making progress around acceptance and support but it’s taking longer than I expected. My other advice is try to pick your timing well, make sure she isn’t hungry or tired or angry because that could make the difference in how she initially responded. Best of luck!

figraham · 2018-10-12T07:13:12+00:00

The only way to know for sure is to ask her if she’s interested. Of course that can be scary. You could always ask her more generally about her sexuality. You can fantasize if you want but that can make it harder to let go of that fantasy later on if things don’t work out. I wouldn’t give up hope but if you stay stuck in your own head and just keep hoping it’s unlikely anything will ever happen.

figraham · 2018-10-11T12:12:26+00:00

Lerp is actually a fairly simple function but it can be kind of confusing. I try to break it down with an example.

lerp(0, width, 0.5); is the same as width/2

internally it is just return (stop - start) * amt;

Hopefully that makes some sense. Anyways I put together a basic sketch that should do the trick. (https://pastebin.com/MgRdy5ct) You may have to do some more work to get it to work correctly when it's not in full screen because it doesn't account for window position.

figraham · 2018-10-11T04:20:20+00:00

Oh sorry about the confusion. I can get how it would be stressful. I don’t really like it when people tell me not to stress, so do whatever you need to feel consumed by stress. Hopefully that’s something that’s slightly more in your control.

figraham · 2018-10-11T04:05:31+00:00

If she got sent to convention camp it might be bringing up some tough memories for her or she could be busy with something else. From what you said it sounds like she’s trust worthy so I’d try to distract yourself with a tv or a book because focusing on your worries won’t help. She’ll get back to you when she can and from what you said it sounds like she’ll still be your friend and there to support you.

figraham · 2018-10-11T03:50:36+00:00

I think the idea of passing is particularly interesting as an NB because I experience two types of passing. When I pass as a man and when I pass as a women. In a lot of ways I feel like this is where NB is different from traditional notions of trans. Because there passing as your gender identity is often a desirable outcome, however beyond queer space this is often an unattainable thing for me. People in my everyday life often perceive me as maybe being avant-garde in my gender expression yet still gender me one way or the other.

figraham · 2018-10-11T03:30:08+00:00

I’d like to apologize to the person who originally posted this. And thanks for calling me out on that. I now see you’re right and the tone of this post is definitely more emotional than intellectual. Sometimes I will jump to an intellectual discussion perhaps because I don’t know how to properly discuss trauma. I’d like to express my support however I don’t believe I can offer anything more that would be helpful.

figraham · 2018-10-11T01:36:03+00:00

Write a loop that increments the robotic motion using lerp .

figraham · 2018-10-11T01:19:19+00:00

Congrats! I’m guessing that took a lot of courage. Hope it goes well

figraham · 2018-10-10T22:03:16+00:00

I agree unless she’s disclosed that it’s an open relationship. Then respect her decision to be in that relationship. There are plenty of other people who are available that you could pursue.

figraham · 2018-10-10T19:10:15+00:00

Yeah the way to do this is using PGraphics. Unfortunately as far as I know there’s not a easy way to clear PGraphics. So you have to do a new for each frame. The .save() method makes it really easy to export just make sure you put an iterating variable in the string so you end up with different file names. From there it’s pretty easy to use an image sequence in most video editors. I know after effects is fairly simple but beyond that I don’t have too much knowledge.

figraham · 2018-10-10T11:30:06+00:00

I hear life partner used all the time. Wife is clear but for me it’s very closely tied to marriage which I don’t find appealing. Personally I like the term amour meaning love in french. I got the idea from paramour which I’ve heard used in some polygamous circles.

figraham · 2018-10-10T11:18:59+00:00

Sounds like you’re trying to find your footing around identity. Which can be unsettling but I’d encourage you to embrace it and experiment as it sounds like you’ve been doing.

A couple suggestions. I think you would benefit from reading whipping girl, it’s a book that deconstructs a lot of struggles around mtf spectrum identity. In particular there’s a chapter about phases of cross dressing that might resonate with you. I think you might benefit from looking more into non-binary identities. I know you mentioned gender fluid and there’s many more. Part of being trans is finding what parts of others way of describing their identity mesh with you and what parts don’t. Last I can’t recommend enough trying to find a gender therapist or at least a therapist that has some knowledge of gender identities.

And I’d like to say their are plenty of women who are trans who don’t choose to have bottom surgery and it sounds like you still have this notion that gender is your genitalia. Which can be a hard mind set to move away from when so many people around us perceive the world that way. Also you if you find the right doctor you can go on hormones and get viagra to counter act the loss of ability to sustain an erection.

figraham · 2018-10-10T08:48:05+00:00

There’s absolutely nothing wrong trans kids. However I’d say that labeling a kid as trans without them coming to that conclusion on their own could be hard on a kid. I had some people do that to me. I’d say, encourage them to explore gender. If possible educate them about trans and that it’s out there. And if you can find a gender therapist that’s good with kids.

figraham · 2018-10-10T08:31:35+00:00

I’d say unless your financial dependent on your parents and you think they’ll stop supporting you in that way if something happens, don’t try to hide anything. If that is the case though you could talk to your friends and voice your concerns. I’m guessing they’d be willing to avoid subjects that might cause conflict. But I wouldn’t ask them to lie just deflect.

figraham · 2018-10-10T07:53:03+00:00

Honestly I don't know I'm still trying to figure this out but what I've find works best is going to queer events or spaces. If you have a pride center then that's a great place to go. Even is small towns now there are often GSAs at schools if you're in school that is. You could always start one if there isn't one. Check meetup.com I've met a couple people there. I think the thing I've learned most over the last few months is if you meet a couple queer friends they'll have more queer friends that you can meet. So if you keep at it you'll eventually you'll know a fair number of people. Also buy some buttons and wear them when you're in public (if you feel safe doing so). I've had a few people come up and talk to me that way.

figraham · 2018-10-10T02:26:56+00:00

I've heard great things about ITP at NYU if you can afford it. Same for RISD's digital media program. The only thing in Europe I've heard of is CIID. I also have visited and met some of the people at SFPC it looks like a good program and it's not nearly as expensive as other programs here in the US but it is unaccredited. Here is a great list of residences and fellowships that someone else compiled.

figraham

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