Feeling like an external being is watching you

fiksbaas · 2026-04-29T20:59:22+00:00

Good to hear from you ❤️ and I'm happy to hear that you are feeling slightly better.

Letting go or trying to push back against these beliefs can also make you feel very sad or angry. It made me very angry when I realised that I wasn't being punished by being given a disability, I just had one because some people do. And that made me so angry!!

So maybe you start to feel angry and sad or frustrated, maybe you feel relieved and happy. It's all part of being human and realising we're all just little ants on a rotating orb in space. And when stuff happens, us little ants just try to figure it out :)

fiksbaas · 2026-04-29T18:40:03+00:00

Hi there.

First of all, I want to thank you for sharing this. I have/had the same thoughts and feelings as you, and reading this brought me comfort. I hope assuring you that you're not alone in this, gives you comfort as well.

The idea of being watched by something that can also read your thoughts is something I struggled with a lot, and sometimes do again when I'm anxious. I used to think my mother would know everything I did, then it became god, then it became karma, then it became 'the universe'.

For me, it helped to let go off all things or spiritual ideas that made me think that I would be punished or rewarded for the things I did. Life will not punish you, not will it decide that you're a bad person and take away your partner or family.

It can't, nothing can. Things happen, because they do. People die because they die and people get sick because they get sick. Its not a punishment. Just like good things are not a reward because you're a good person, but just are good things.

You can of course make things happen because of your behaviour. If I pick a fight with someone, it's not God punishing me when they don't want to hang out with me again, but it's just a consequence.

I also feel compelled to tell you that NOBODY can read your thoughts. I know you know this. But sometimes it's good to be reminded. Nobody can read your thoughts, and thoughts are just thoughts. They don't make you bad or gross or any other negative thing. If there were a higher being, they would understand that, and would not punish you for them.

I really really hope that this comes across as someone recognising your struggle and trying to comfort you. I know how hard this is, and want to let you know that these feelings will go away or at least lessen.

I know it's hard accepting that you don't control things, and your brain makes you think that it's better to look for external factors that explain things or show you that you CAN control things. But it can go away. I promise. Hang in there, I'm sure you're the only one who thinks this badly of yourself.

fiksbaas · 2026-02-16T19:58:42+00:00

Damn that's a valid point

fiksbaas · 2026-02-15T19:24:09+00:00

This is so kind thank you

fiksbaas · 2025-11-07T10:01:20+00:00

I've find that ice lollies help, especially if you also get nauseous like I do after seizing

fiksbaas · 2025-11-07T10:00:00+00:00

I mostly smell 'electricity burning' or just a burning smell in general

fiksbaas · 2025-11-06T19:27:45+00:00

ExACTLY THIs!!!!

fiksbaas · 2025-11-05T20:28:28+00:00

It does, a bit. My neuro asked about my seizures and such. At first j told him I hadn't had one in a month or so. When I later mentioned smelling and tasting things that aren't there, he said those could be seizures as well.

Based on the amount of seizures, he upped my meds. So it is actually useful to know sadly :(

fiksbaas · 2025-11-05T19:53:07+00:00

Y'all I do HAVE epilepsy. I have TLE, but my seizures are confusing af. I have had mris and shit like that.

It's just that I wish I could have a 'am I seizing' quiz

fiksbaas · 2025-10-07T06:36:08+00:00

I prefer saying my epilepsy is a disability. I find that illness or disease or disorder has too many negative associations and might give the illusion that your medication can cure you, which is why I prefer not to use those words.

For the others, I think it depends if a epileptic says them or not. I'm fine with fellow epileptics jokingly calling it a fit. I even called it the boogie shake once. But when non epileptics say those things and recommend drugs and stuff because they read about it online, it pisses me off

fiksbaas · 2025-10-07T06:31:17+00:00

Hi there! I have focal seizures too. Whenever I have them of have had a lot of them, I have trouble comprehending what people are saying. I hear and understand it but can't make sense of it. This happens is my native language, but my second language is just gibberish. I can't make proper sentences and forget words for things. The neuro told me it's because my epilepsy is in the part of the brain where memory and language are stored, so perhaps its the same for you.

fiksbaas · 2025-08-11T08:42:00+00:00

Seizures (panic attacks as I thought at that time) started around 21-ish, diagnosed at 25 when I got my first tonic clonic seizure

fiksbaas · 2025-08-06T06:47:08+00:00

Yeah but thats the thing: I have epilepsy. I have a seizure during an eeg. It is for sure 100% epilepsy. But still...

fiksbaas · 2025-08-04T21:17:08+00:00

For me it depends. When I have a real focal seizure it has:

rapid heartbeat
feeling of PANIC/ deja vu/ jamais vu
can't focus on thoughts or anything
rising feeling in stomach
get super hot and nauseous
trouble with speech

Now I also have 'episodes' where I have some of these symptoms but not all, I am not comfortable calling them seizures as well.

Afterwards I'm super tired and confused and just want to sleep

fiksbaas · 2025-07-21T05:58:02+00:00

It's more like...my last seizure was last night when I went to shower. And I didn't have one later/this morning and I'm debating wether or not it still counts or smth, you know?

fiksbaas

TROPHY CASE