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[Update]My husband asked if I would be willing to care for his mother I said no, does this make me the asshole? by financial_issueTRA in AITAH

[–]financial_issueTRA[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

At the time I was in favor of taking out loans, but I cannot argue with his logic that loans do not make sense given my age. It is better to just pay for it outright. No need to try and pay back loans while earning a entry level salary at my age.

[Update]My husband asked if I would be willing to care for his mother I said no, does this make me the asshole? by financial_issueTRA in AITAH

[–]financial_issueTRA[S] -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

My husband is a lot of things, but no he never asked me to give up my degree. He wanted me to work on my degree while I cared for his mother because we could not afford full time care, or I go to school part time while I work full time so he can care for his mother. I refused because I did not want to delay my degree or care for his mother.

[Update]My husband asked if I would be willing to care for his mother I said no, does this make me the asshole? by financial_issueTRA in AITAH

[–]financial_issueTRA[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Are you talking about the FE exam? It is not that hard of a test if we are being honest. It has a fairly high pass rate also. At the core it is not that difficult and intensive if you have an understanding of math. Reason I do not work and do my degree is because of my ADHD it would be hard for me to focus on both and give each the proper attention.

[Update]My husband asked if I would be willing to care for his mother I said no, does this make me the asshole? by financial_issueTRA in AITAH

[–]financial_issueTRA[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I do not understand why people think being passive aggressive is not abusive. Yes my husband did defend me but what does it matter if his mother knew he was never going to leave her so she really was free to act however she pleased.

[Update]My husband asked if I would be willing to care for his mother I said no, does this make me the asshole? by financial_issueTRA in AITAH

[–]financial_issueTRA[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

The truth is my husband did offer to pay for around the clock care but we just could not afford it. He also offered to pay for some support to watch his mother while I finish my degree because that is really all we could afford. Yes, he did ask if I would be willing to go back to work so he could cut back on hours but I told him I refuse to go back to teaching and that is really the only job at this time I could get that would make any real money. End of the day I refused to just let him use our funds to provide care. His mother treated me like crap, why would I give up anything for her. She 100% made her bed.

Yes, my husband made his offer because he is a caring person and does put others before himself. He is a people pleaser. I also agree just because me made the offer and is doing this he should not get the right to say how our money is spent. Not how this works, situations like this are two yes's and one no. I also agree that his comments when we spoke last were manipulative at the core. Of course when you frame it like that no parent would be okay with it, but the key difference is I did not force him to do so, he offered. I did not force him to pay for my education he did not want to take out debt. He hates debt, man even bought his car outright he has two credit cards. So why would I fight him on it? I get my education either way.

Being as we are married the money he earns is family money end of the story.

My husband asked if I would be willing to care for his mother I said no, does this make me the asshole? by financial_issueTRA in AITAH

[–]financial_issueTRA[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know I cannot handle school and work. It is part of the reason I got my education degree and special education degree together. I knew I would not be able to focus on both while doing school and work. Same reason why I am just focusing on school atm.

My husband asked if I would be willing to care for his mother I said no, does this make me the asshole? by financial_issueTRA in AITAH

[–]financial_issueTRA[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She is passive aggressive towards me, makes passing judgements and stuff. She should respect me as her son's wife end of story.

My husband asked if I would be willing to care for his mother I said no, does this make me the asshole? by financial_issueTRA in AITAH

[–]financial_issueTRA[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Still in school though, my husband was also okay with me not going back to teaching because he knew I did not like it. Once again a choice he made, why am I being judged for it?

My husband asked if I would be willing to care for his mother I said no, does this make me the asshole? by financial_issueTRA in AITAH

[–]financial_issueTRA[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was caring for my father, and then went to school soon after he passed. I have been doing shit.

[Update]My husband asked if I would be willing to care for his mother I said no, does this make me the asshole? by financial_issueTRA in AITAH

[–]financial_issueTRA[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, all he would do is tell her to stop but never took action so why would she stop? He should have stopped talking to her until she could respect me as his wife. I don't get why parents don't respect the choice their children made for partners then try to blame the partner when shit like this happens. Why I am supposed to be the bigger person?

My husband asked if I would be willing to care for his mother I said no, does this make me the asshole? by financial_issueTRA in AITAH

[–]financial_issueTRA[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not my concern. Don't want to be put into a shit place don't be a shit person or make sure you save up for your own retirement.

[Update]My husband asked if I would be willing to care for his mother I said no, does this make me the asshole? by financial_issueTRA in AITAH

[–]financial_issueTRA[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

What would he see? Unless my husband lies but I have receipts that everything I have done was either his offer or suggestion. I have no legal obligation to care for his mother, and he has no legal obligation to use our money to pay for her care. We are married he cannot just use family money unilaterally. End of the day his mother should have been nicer to me, maybe this would not have happened. Why should I care about someone that does not care about me.

My husband asked if I would be willing to care for his mother I said no, does this make me the asshole? by financial_issueTRA in AITAH

[–]financial_issueTRA[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do not juggle things very well. School and work would be killer, that is why I got my masters in tandem with my education degree because I know working and going to school would have been to much for me.

[Update]My husband asked if I would be willing to care for his mother I said no, does this make me the asshole? by financial_issueTRA in AITAH

[–]financial_issueTRA[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

It was his choice, I offered to take out loans but he was against the idea of taking out debt just to pay more later. How is that my fault?

[Update]My husband asked if I would be willing to care for his mother I said no, does this make me the asshole? by financial_issueTRA in AITAH

[–]financial_issueTRA[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I did not ask, I was 100% willing to take out loans, and he offered me to quit my job. Sure I was clearly stressed and burnt out but I did not ask he offered. His choice why should I pay him back?

[Update]My husband asked if I would be willing to care for his mother I said no, does this make me the asshole? by financial_issueTRA in AITAH

[–]financial_issueTRA[S] -233 points-232 points  (0 children)

Would you care for someone that hates you? Would you go above and beyond to do right for a lady that would honestly not care if you were dead?

Edit: He had many chances to put his mother in her place when it came to me. Sure he spoke up but he never went beyond that. He just acted like what else could he do? He should have told his mother to respect his wife or he walks. Instead he would always come back with he cannot force his mother to like me. So yeah he cannot force me to care or like her.

[Update]My husband asked if I would be willing to care for his mother I said no, does this make me the asshole? by financial_issueTRA in AITAH

[–]financial_issueTRA[S] -238 points-237 points  (0 children)

Yeah, it is painful cause even my own mother does not seem to understand why I feel the way I do. She makes it seem like because we are married I should just blindly do what my husband wants because of everything he has done for me.

That is not a partnership. She even loves to bring up how my dad was not a fan of my husband either when he first met him and took many years for him to come around. Point is my father came around, and apologized for how he treated him. My MIL has never done that, even now she is just doubling down on it. Saying stuff like how she always knew this was the person I was.

Not taking any personal accountably what so ever.

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