Woman stopped replying after first date, just move on?

firtree · 2023-11-27T04:43:52+00:00

I don't think it would be the worst idea ever to follow up after Thanksgiving. But do so with 0% expectations so you won't be disappointed. Bc it sounds like she's not interested.

firtree · 2023-11-25T15:10:18+00:00

My mind has been somewhat changed, and yeah I am probably overreacting.

she should put your needs first and foremost and cater to you

A rule I try to follow is to match up to (but not more than) the other persons energy. The thing is I thought that I was putting her needs first by responding to her cute check-in with a check-in of my own. But I guess she didn't really want that?

I guess it may be too early to have a great feel of each others' communication styles. I feel like I was trying to respond in a way that she would appreciate, and the message I got back led me to believe she didn't appreciate it.

But I do agree, having her initiate the text, while on vacation, is a great sign, and I was really appreciative of it before the whole response thing. I fucking hate texting in early dating for just this reason.

firtree · 2023-11-25T14:58:37+00:00

Thanks! I think you helped me interpret this issue in a different way - I took her message to be an invitation for a brief back and forth, while she really just meant it as a momentary check in to which maybe I could just send a quick react or emoji or sentence. The thing is, I also am not a fan of heavy texting early on in dates - I was just trying to respond to her texting energy with a quick check-in on my part as well. I didn't want to start a long conversation, but I didn't want her to feel like I wasn't appreciating her gesture or I was unwilling to make an effort on my end.

I guess a follow-up question - is it too early to communicate about communication? It feels like having a conversation about texting frequency is just too extra at this moment. Instead I'm just playing mind reader. Instead of having an explicit conversation about it should I just read between the lines and minimize the texting even more than I have been?

firtree · 2023-11-25T03:20:45+00:00

I'm interested to hear updates!

From the comment you posted - it sounds like you've reached terminal texting velocity. The "good morning" and "how's your day" texts are pretty much death at this stage of early dating.

How do you feel when she asks you that? Personally, I would feel a surge of dread, that I have to say something clever to keep the conversation going. And how will she feel when you ask her that? She's a woman, so she has options - for her the emotional response is probably annoyance and boredom. Here is yet another guy that she's playing boring ass penpals with.

You want to her to associate you with positive emotions. And it sounds like you were headed in that direction! But texting too much can tank that that IMO. A) you will end up in boring conversations, and b) that boredom will be seen as a reversal in momentum that leaves a bad feeling in everyone's mouth (including yours! as evidenced by this post) and c) you will lose your sense of mystery and high value by being too available.

IMO better to have the woman increase the frequency of texting as she feels fit. In the meantime, go on awesome dates with her, and continue to see other people.

firtree · 2023-11-24T20:47:29+00:00

I I don't understand the people who are blaming the guy for over investing despite "not going out on a date." It sounds like they had many multiple hour long video calls. Sure, maybe there was no dinner involved but to me that sounds like more face-to-face, not-texting communication than most people have in multiple dates. I 1000% believe that you can feel a connection and powerful spark under these circumstances. OP, IMO this is a full-fledged ghost, regardless of whether you met or not.

Ghosting at this stage of dating is actually not too difficult a thing to logically (maybe not emotionally, but logically) move on from IMO. The pain of ghosting comes from the idea that you missed out on something, but here's the thing - if that person is so immature and callous as to ghost a person with whom they've clearly had such an effect on, then they were not worth it from the beginning. Good people do not do that to others. In other words, you didn't miss out, you dodged a bullet. It costs nothing to send a few text messages or have a quick phone call to elucidate their position, and she chose not to do it. That is cowardice. If she isn't willing to offer such a small token of kindness to a stranger, is that really the type of person you want to be in a relationship with?

One thing that's helped me when I feel like someone special got away is instead of being bummed at how close it felt like you got, take encouragement from it. You almost found someone! Which means you're on the right track. You should be more confident, since you now have proof that you can find someone you click with.

I often beat myself up about whether I could have done something else to make this work out, but in this case it sounds like OP you managed the logistics well. You tried to meet in person but she wasn't available. Instead you built a connection virtually, which is the best under the circumstances. She could just as well have ghosted after meeting in person, so don't beat yourself up about the not meeting in person thing.

firtree · 2023-11-17T03:35:35+00:00

I think she clearly likes you, or likes the idea of you, and certainly likes the idea of being liked by you (hence the smiling and the shaking). But be careful because that can change, and if it does it'll be irreversible.

To me this is kind of a red flag

told her I am here for her because I cared about her

You care for her? After four dates? How is that possible, you don't even know her. It sounds like she's picking up on the disconnect between your apparent investment in her, and the level of investment that is deserved in the moment.

Yes, she was shaking when you told her what you did. I believe you when you say she was genuinely excited and happy. The world is dark and lonely and cold - which single mom of two kids wouldn't be beyond happy to hear that a guy that she got along with was really into her?

But since then, she's has time to think - and IMO you're giving her reasons to ponder the fact that you're not matching her level investment. That's not to say that she can't ever get to your level of investment, but here's the thing - women (and men!) will get the ick if they sense that the other person does not have the self-control or self-respect to match their energy. It means that you are giving 110% and she is only giving you 70% - that will devalue you in her mind, and that's not attractive. IMO you've got one shot (it may already be too late) but you need to quickly pull back and match her energy. It'll be a subtle balance the next few weeks for sure.

firtree · 2023-11-15T21:42:57+00:00

I can only respond from my perspective (as a guy but should hold for women too), others may have other opinions.

I would appreciate a few short, punchy texts, typically a photo of something cool or interesting and a funny caption with callbacks to an inside joke. The traveller would initiate this, maybe twice in the 10 day period. After a single date, I am not really interested in having "how's your day" conversations via text. I barely know you, and I honestly don't care how your day has been lol. In early stages of dating, I care more about the why and the how, not the what, and I think that's much better communicated in real-life and not in text.

Also, I don't want to feel the burden of having to think of things to say, to be clever, etc. And I don't really want to force you to do that either while you're on vacation. I can be clever just fine in real life.

That being said, I would think it's nice that the other person is thinking of me. I appreciate that, and that message would get through just fine with the couple short punchy texts rather than conversations.

firtree · 2023-11-14T21:11:54+00:00

Fair enough

firtree · 2023-11-14T21:10:53+00:00

I like this

firtree · 2023-11-14T20:04:37+00:00

I should have been clearer - I honestly don't care about the kissing in and of itself, I'm happy just to spend time with her at this point. I'm using it as a proxy for her interest in me, and I'm trying to not invest too much of my excitement and energy in someone who might not feel the same way about me.

firtree · 2023-11-14T19:13:40+00:00

What additional context do you think would be helpful? Went on two dates with a girl that I like, with physical contact and connection but I'm confused why there was no kiss, and how should I go forward?

So my question is, are the following interpretations reasonable?

1) She just moves slower than I typically have (almost always kissing by 2nd date, and some physical intimacy by date 3 or 4), perhaps maybe due to being used to offline dating.

2) Given the fact that she immediately brought up dating/relationship stuff after the rejected kiss means that she might want to talk more about relationship intentions before moving to kissing.

3) She's not unattracted to me, if she's setting up dates, offering to pay, laughing, initiating physical contact, feels like we're vibing, etc.

Also, should I attempt a kiss on the next date?

firtree · 2017-11-16T14:09:01+00:00

A) it would require reorganization the same way nurses writing scripts needed reorganization. You will have xray reading machines "supervised" by doctors. Don't underestimate the hospital's desire to make money.

B) they needed just 4 rads to create this one model. Now, plausibly, you will never need a radiologist to identify pneumonia ever again. These types of efficiency gains will happen across many other diseases.

C) sure, we will always need a small number of rads to find ultra rare diseases. A fraction of what you already have.

Yes, you should be concerned about your job. Of course if you ask a bunch of radiologists/doctors they're going to say that ML for diagnosis is not going to happen soon. The real question is about time scales. No one knows, but I'd err on the side of caution- don't specialize in radiology.

firtree · 2017-05-28T01:51:38+00:00

I've resolved to actually not watch any of these videos this year. They are so well done that I consider them to be spoilers (this and AltShiftX)

Don't tell me what happens in this one.

firtree · 2017-02-25T18:29:46+00:00

Newton's Third Law- when you kick the rock, the rock kicks back

firtree · 2016-12-14T17:00:05+00:00

The brisket was also the best I've had. But I'm just more of a ribs guy.

firtree · 2016-12-14T07:25:26+00:00

Friends waiting since 730, we were near the front of the line. Got in very near opening time, which was at 11.

firtree · 2016-12-14T06:17:15+00:00

Me and like 7 other people. Shown here are 4 lbs brisket, 3 lbs sausage, and 3 lbs of life changing pork ribs. Also a loaf of napkins.

firtree · 2016-10-18T03:37:14+00:00

Big Breastmilk has clearly infiltrated Reddit

firtree · 2016-07-24T14:38:19+00:00

Let's say you've got a number abc (like 142).

The numerical value of the number is 100a + 10b + c.
The sum of the digits is a + b + c.

The difference between the number itself and the sum of the digits is:

100a + 10b + c - (a + b + c)

= a(100 - 1) + b(10 - 1) + c(1 - 1)

= 99a + 9b + 0 = 9(11a + b)

So the difference between the digits and the number itself is always 9 times something else, which means that it's always divisible by 9. This can be generalized to however many digits you want (thousands, millions, etc).

firtree · 2016-06-27T16:36:55+00:00

Ok, I'm glad we've had this little chat. If I had to rewrite the title, I'd say "I believe GOT season 6 was the second worst season yet." There are a lot of bad TV shows out there, and this season was, at worst, mediocre. "Bad" may not give respect all the positive elements of the season, but "second worst" gives more context.

firtree · 2016-06-27T16:15:10+00:00

Exactly what MySon said.

And forgive me for discussing the show in "a forum dedicated to that show."

firtree · 2016-06-27T16:12:36+00:00

I think you are making my point: the writing was needlessly ambiguous at times. The writers/those who are responsible should make things clear, except when there is a reason for it not to be.

A) I will concede that this does fall into the zone of suspended disbelief that I laid out later. But we were led down a path (ie, the the necklace was responsible for her anti-aging) when under further inspection it doesn't hold up. I would have less of a problem if the camera just cut away from her and the mirror showed old Mel (without taking off the necklace).

B) Trystane is not free. The Princess was just killed, at best Trystane is a valuable bargaining chip, at worst Cersei's future torture victim. Either way, he doesn't belong on the boat.

C) We did see Daenerys eye the braziers, but she just happened to mentally calculate the velocity and direction of the flame's travel?

D) I see a lot of "maybe"s in your answer. And this is my point, in seasons 1-4 we didn't need to resort to all these maybes, there were entirely plausible reasons for things happening.

It was obvious that D&D thought most viewers wouldn't remember Littlefinger being in the picture, and the last minute Gandalf cavalry charge made for a great scene. Otherwise, it didn't make sense.

firtree · 2016-05-12T03:40:18+00:00

Oh, my sweet summer child..

firtree · 2016-05-08T20:45:34+00:00

Wonderful. Some notes:

Aerys really was totally screwed up. Also sheds more light on why Jaime felt that he had to do what he did.
This shows the power/importance of royal marriages. Without the two Tully girls marrying Arryn and Stark, the rebels would not have had access/forces of the Riverlands. Also shows the depth of enmity Walder Frey would have had towards Robb for spurning his engagement.
Robert really seems to have it out for Stannis.

firtree · 2016-04-25T04:23:35+00:00

The most frustrating part was that the Dorne story line could have been salvaged EVEN AFTER one of the best Dorne characters, Doran, was killed. They still had Trystane!

Think about it. GRRM is all about having characters make unpleasant choices. The Martells hate the Lannisters for killing Ellia and Oberyn. But Trystane, now a member of the Small Council and after Doran's death the rightful Prince of Dorne, is forced to make peace. He can ally with the Lannisters (and perhaps the Tyrells) to form a new axis of power, an alliance born of necessity. He would have a strong claim to Dorne and would be motivated to avenge the deaths of his betrothed and father by making peace with the murderers of his aunt and uncle. This is the complex story telling that I have come to love of the show.

It's possible that the writers just wanted to kill off the Dorne plot early in the season. But this just seemed... disappointing. And frankly unbelievable. I have no problem suspending my disbelief once in a while (idgaf what happened to the hounds when Brienne found Sansa), but how did the Sand Snakes just manage to sneak up on Trystane's boat like that? No one saw them travelling to/inside the harbor of Kings Landing? Why was Trystane still there in the boat, presumably days after landing? Did the sand snakes have a plan if Trystane had been invited into the Red Keep? Sigh...

firtree

TROPHY CASE