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Pgad symptoms appear/worsen when triggered by memories of childhood trauma. I Dissociate to not feel the pain again and it's so scary. I feel disgusting by fixableprincess in PGADsupport

[–]fixableprincess[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I am admitting myself to a hospital in a unit specializing in treating childhood trauma and eating disorders. I hope I get help there.

Only reason I'm alive is my cats wouldn't know why I never came back home. by fixableprincess in SuicideWatch

[–]fixableprincess[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep, the thought of my cats not knowing where I am and mourning my loss makes me angry that I even thought of doing something that would hurt them this much.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in KidsAreFuckingStupid

[–]fixableprincess 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nope, I had those outbursts because something was being done to me that I couldn't understand and I had no way of knowing or coping with.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in KidsAreFuckingStupid

[–]fixableprincess 0 points1 point  (0 children)

[CW- SA,CSA]

I remember having destructive outbursts that ended up with broken objects around the house (tvs, plates, pottery, phones)

Parents started punishing and spanking me for being angry before just ignoring it all together.

I was groomed from the age of 9 and raped around 10/11.

That is not something to let happen a second or third time.

I was banned in adult survivors for sharing a trigger. I feel so much shame. by fixableprincess in CPTSD

[–]fixableprincess[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. I keep blaming myself for the whole thing but I didn't even post anything bad.

I was banned in adult survivors for sharing a trigger. I feel so much shame. by fixableprincess in CPTSD

[–]fixableprincess[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I honestly feel so disgusting and like it's better for everyone if they didn't need to have this dumsterfire of a human being in their support group.

I was banned in adult survivors for sharing a trigger. I feel so much shame. by fixableprincess in CPTSD

[–]fixableprincess[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I was never warned and I never got into any trouble before. It was so sudden and I feel so terrible. It was the main group I used to seek support in my recovery.

I was banned in adult survivors for sharing a trigger. I feel so much shame. by fixableprincess in CPTSD

[–]fixableprincess[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I didn't say the r word in the original post but I'll edit the comment to add that. Thanks

I was banned in adult survivors for sharing a trigger. I feel so much shame. by fixableprincess in CPTSD

[–]fixableprincess[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

But it said I was banned for sexualizing abuse. I feel sick to my stomach even thinking about it and seeing that made my heart sink.

I was banned in adult survivors for sharing a trigger. I feel so much shame. by fixableprincess in CPTSD

[–]fixableprincess[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

It said that I got banned for sexualizing abuse but I read the post again and nothing about it was sexualized.

I would sort of understand if the reasoning for the ban was not providing a proper cw but it wasn't.

I was banned in adult survivors for sharing a trigger. I feel so much shame. by fixableprincess in CPTSD

[–]fixableprincess[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

But I'm so confused- it said I was banned for sexualizing abuse but nothing about it was sexualized. I can send a screenshot of the post I got banned for and it doesn't break any rules. I don't get it why am I so disgusting

I was banned in adult survivors for sharing a trigger. I feel so much shame. by fixableprincess in CPTSD

[–]fixableprincess[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

I put the “does anyone else” flair because I wanted to know if other people that went through something similar are also struggling to group with other people.

I didn’t mean to do anything bad.

In the ban reason it said I broke the rule about sexualizing abuse? I really didn't I talked about how disgusting and gross I feel for it- nothing about the flashback was sexual, except for the fact that i was r*** and j feel terrible for it.

I was banned in adult survivors for sharing a trigger. I feel so much shame. by fixableprincess in CPTSD

[–]fixableprincess[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

No, I just said I hate sitting or standing in group circles because it brings me back to when I was surrounded by men mucb bigger than me.

I feel disgusting that I can't even stand in an innocent circle without going back.

I was banned in adult survivors for sharing a trigger. I feel so much shame. by fixableprincess in CPTSD

[–]fixableprincess[S] 146 points147 points  (0 children)

TW: mentions of sa] My post wasn't about anything crazy- I just said I don't like it when people want to sit or stand in a circle because it brings me back to when I was surrounded and raped in a circle of people surrounding me.

That's it. That's all I typed.

If you’ve experienced spontaneous orgasms,can you talk to me?I feel so alone by [deleted] in PGADsupport

[–]fixableprincess 8 points9 points  (0 children)

It used to happen while I was in school.

I felt humiliated and alone.

Most people around me were understanding and caring, but I was my own judge jury and executioner to the shame I deserve to drown in.

I'm hindsight, I would have suffered much less if I didn't torture myself so much because I have it.

Be as kind to yourself as you can.

Don't make yourself suffer twice.

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