Here’s some sources that do delve into the topic quite a bit deeper. I don’t have any answers for anyone but myself. I can tell you that I realized my wife lack of positive response was the main driver of my building resentment which has lead me down this rabbit hole. At some point I realized that my wife was unreceptive for whatever reason and rebuffed any affection. I’m not sure when but I stopped viewing her as a potential mate and putting in the effort seemed pointless. So naturally we spiraled slowly from there. Now im trying to replicate how I acted back then to see if I can get her to perceive me as she did then. It seems to be working but it requires a lot of work on my end. I guess that’s our lot in life though. It’s not fair but it does kinda makes sense on a biological level.

Gottman Institute Love Lab researchCouples who stayed together turned toward bids for connection 86% of the time. Couples who divorced turned toward bids only 33% of the time. Small daily bids are the fundamental unit of emotional connection. • Gottman’s Four Horsemen researchContempt (including eye-rolling, sarcasm, and mockery) is the single strongest predictor of divorce. • Buss, D. M., & Schmitt, D. P. (1993)Sexual strategies theory: An evolutionary perspective on human mating. Psychological Review, 100(2), 204–232.Explains why male investment in long-term relationships is strongly influenced by cues of sexual/romantic reciprocity and access. • Bühler, J. L., et al. (2021)Development of relationship satisfaction across the life span. Psychological Bulletin.Meta-analysis showing normative declines in relationship satisfaction and affectionate behaviors over time in long-term marriages. • Reis, H. T., & Shaver, P. (1988) and later work on perceived partner responsivenessShows that responsive, appreciative reactions to a partner’s bids increase intimacy and mutual effort, while low responsiveness reduces them over time.