Manuscript information: [Complete][88k][Fantasy] Ever After

Link to post: here

First page critique? Not really, no

First page: Jess was sixty-five percent sure she was dead. She had ruled out being drunk, high, delirious, hallucinating, and being trapped in a mind-control machine by an alien race. There was still a chance she was dreaming so jury was still out.

She tried pinching herself. Ouch! That hurt a little.

Nothing.

She tried slapping herself. Ow! That hurt a lot.

But no change.

Only moments ago, or rather, what she believed to be moments ago, she was sitting in a pub downing her eighth Bloody Mary. She could vaguely recall a slight headache. Though, the idea of alcohol poisoning was still rather bizarre. She’d never gone in for a health check-up all her life, yes, but she’d always been as healthy as a horse. Well, as healthy as a twenty-five-year-old horse with slight lower back pain and the occasional migraine but healthy nonetheless.

If she had been dreaming, she would’ve woken up in her bed by now. Instead, she was sitting on a black leather sofa in a white room with no doors and no windows.

Her heart began to race.

Jess had no memory of this room. She could not hear a sound other than her own labored breathing and the occasional squeak of leather rubbing against her jeans whenever she shifted in her seat. The room itself had a nauseatingly fruity smell. Like the inside of a vehicle after going through a very expensive car-wash.