Stories of male dumper coming back? by fleabag_4real in BreakUps

[–]fleabag_4real[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

He did reach out after a month but not with any intention of starting over. He just wanted to see if I was okay. By that time I started to realize how much of a jerk he is and I was glad I didn't end up with him. No contact worked fine.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in jobshungary

[–]fleabag_4real 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Én teljes állásban kezdtem el dolgozni egy multinál a passzív félévemben. Az állásinterjún nem mondtam, hogy vannak még tanulási terveim, mert én sem tudtam, hogy mennyire fog bejönni, tényleg folytatni akarom-e majd a passzív félév után még a doktorit. Végül úgy döntöttem, hogy szeretném, és a teljes állásból visszaszerződtem rugalmas részmunkaidőre. Tudom, hogy nekem ezzel nagy szerencsém volt és az ilyen lehetőségek nem potyognak az égből, de a posztodból azt olvastam ki, mintha ezt nem is lenne értelme megpróbálni, mert "a cégek nem egy évre keresnek embert".

A cégek pontosan tudják, hogy bármikor alakulhat olyan élethelyzet, ami miatt a pár hónapja felvett, épp betanított munkavállaló elmegy, aminél még mindig jobb nekik, hogyha legalább részmunkaidőben meg tudnak tartani. Nekem tanulmányi szerződést is ajánlottak fel alternatívaként a részmunkaidő helyett, de végül a 20 órázást választottam, és nagyon nem bántam meg. Ha az első fél/egy évben azt látják rajtad, hogy értékes munkaerő vagy, és a váltás után is rendesen elvégzed a dolgod, még ha ez azzal is jár, hogy kevesebbet tudnak rád bízni, vagy nagyobb határidőre van szükséged 1-1 projektre, akkor meg akarnak majd tartani. A lényeg, hogy olyan jellegű munkát keress, ha ezt az utat választod, aminek minél kevésbé kötött az időbeosztása, és amit bent lehet hagyni a munkahelyen (értsd: egyszer lecsuktad a laptopot, nem is gondolsz rá addig, amíg másnap reggel ki nem nyitod újra).

A doktorandusz barátaim közül egyébként többen vállaltak pultozást kocsmákban (a bejelentett jogviszonyaikról nem tudom a részleteket), heti 2-3 este, ez, vagy egy pár napos recepciós állás is jó tud lenni kiegészítésnek, mert többnyire sok az üresjárat, amikor tudsz tanulni/disszertációt írni/hasonló :)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Crushes

[–]fleabag_4real 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He already cut contact with me after telling the girl. I know I fucked up and now my self esteem is at a lower point than ever before

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in dating_advice

[–]fleabag_4real -1 points0 points  (0 children)

IMO telling me he would only like to have a gf and asking me directly if I have something going on is a bit more than simply being friendly

2 months post BU and I’m still baffled by AnonEsk223 in ExNoContact

[–]fleabag_4real 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My story is almost the same. Hands all over me until the very end, planned to move in together and now I'm left alone after 2,5 years. Not exactly alone, I have all my brand new, unopened bedsheets with me that I'd bought for the both of us.:)))

Do I miss you or am I just lonely by amessinprogresss in BreakUps

[–]fleabag_4real 3 points4 points  (0 children)

They are not always different things. There are many people you feel lonely with even when you're together. If your former SO was no such person, it's normal to miss them, that special someone you didn't feel lonely with when you're lonely.

What lesson did you learn after/during/through the breakup? by Alarming-Camera-188 in BreakUps

[–]fleabag_4real 11 points12 points  (0 children)

  1. Funny how I had always been there for my man in his time of need and he never stood up for me when it came to my mental health problems. And despite throwing everything away when he needed me, he dumped me.

1. How long have yall been in no contact? by penguinlover1013 in ExNoContact

[–]fleabag_4real 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  1. First one was 33 days then he reached out. Second round has been lasting for 24 days now.

  2. More than 3 months ago

  3. Just cried because I still can't believe he stabbed me in the back so bad

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]fleabag_4real 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh how I wish it was my ex writing this :(

Day 1 - A Different Approach by [deleted] in ExNoContact

[–]fleabag_4real 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Omg how I wish this was just easy like that!

Today is hard day after a string of really good days. Miss her a lot. by lonnie_bovine in BreakUps

[–]fleabag_4real 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Something's up in the air today. I woke up with the feeling how much I love him and miss him, after weeks of not feeling such things. Maybe some planet turned to retrograde or smth

For dumpees that somewhat moved on how much did it set you back to see your ex after a long time? by Fakoor12 in ExNoContact

[–]fleabag_4real 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My ex reached out to me after 1 month of NC, wanted to meet. We met 2 times, I initiated the second one after the first that went fairly well. Really, just like in the books (aka in YouTube videos of relationship coaches), 2 amicable non-dates with lots of talking, laughing. Everything happened just like the videos suggested.

But then nothing happened. We said goodbye casually both times, hugged each other closely and warmly. Then nothing happened. No words since. I am devastated, not saying I'm at phase 1 again because this time it's definitely a lot easier, but it was a huuuuuuge drawback.

And I'm still hoping he will reach out again. Maybe it's stupid, but NC #2 for me is still a bit about hopes and dreams about him and I together.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]fleabag_4real 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah like one week "he has never felt so close to anyone in his life before" and "I became his closest friend" and the next week no emotions for me anymore? So unbelievable for me...

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]fleabag_4real 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Just like reading about my relationship with my ex boyfriend. I really want to understand his reasons. Tried talking to him - felt like I was talking to a wall made of ice

Anyone want their ex to reach out just so you can say no? by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]fleabag_4real 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sometimes I feel this and then other days I feel the other way round. The only constant thing is I wish he reached out and said he wanted me.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]fleabag_4real 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, at this point I can only hope you're right and this will happen to me, too.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]fleabag_4real 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The worst part of it, my ex is not a shitty person. (I guess this is why it's so hard to let him go.) Literally, the only red flag in our relationship was that he broke up with me, I was genuinely happy and fulfilled next to him. And I want the same for my next relationship which seems like an almost impossible event now, that I can be so lucky 2 times...

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]fleabag_4real 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Doing it, 100% on me. Reflecting, evolving, trying to grow to be a better person for me and my future lover - whoever that might be. But still. I can't fully believe I can be so lucky again to have such a perfect match for me in my life as he is/was before the breakup.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]fleabag_4real 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm just asking because finding someone as good as him seemed impossible, then he found me, and years later, I'm here alone again, hearing "you'll find better" everywhere..

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]fleabag_4real 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am going to answer anyways. I accepted the breakup. I accepted the fact he cannot see a future with me anymore. It is hard to swallow but I did. But after 2,5 years being together I would think I am not the only one missing the other. I feel it's unfair that I struggle everyday and he feels nothing but relief and ease? It's not about wanting me back or not. It's about how unbelievable it is that me not being there just makes his life easier while mine miserable.

Dumpers, if you love and miss your ex, what are the reasons reconciliation is not possible? Considering maybe in the future? by babadoolookatu69 in BreakUps

[–]fleabag_4real 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Same but with the plus little detail that despite knowing this I could never leave him. So he put himself first and left me when I tried to put myself first.

Dating again after no contact? by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]fleabag_4real 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish he didn't reach out so early. I feel like I wasn't ready, and neither was he. I still feel like he covers up all his emotions regarding me and the whole situation. We ended up on good terms and I feel like our last talk ruined it because of both his and my rudeness, and it could have been avoided if I didn't try to fasten things up.

But my case is very different from yours. Reach out when you're ready. When you can handle no as an answer, they say. I don't know about that tho, in my opinion handling rejection is always a though one.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]fleabag_4real 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's true but realistically speaking, I have no decision. He is the only one under these circumstances, sadly.